“Well,” she says, “you know what you’ve got to do, don’t you?”
“Not even a little bit,” I answer.
“You need to go over there and scream at him for a while,” she says. “He’ll try to interrupt, to explain, but just keep on screaming until you can’t scream any more. After that, he’s going to talk to you and you’re going to need to listen to him. Either this is it or it isn’t. Once he’s talked himself out, you’re probably going to want to start yelling at him again, so do. Get it all out and when you’re all done with that, maybe the two of you can come to an understanding of what this actually means for the both of you and for your relationship.”
“I don’t think I’m willing to do that,” I tell her. “I just want this whole thing to be over. I just want to forget that any of it happened.”
“Well,” my mom says, “that’s your choice, but if you think this relationship is something that’s worth fighting for, you’re going to have to do the fighting. If you do stay together, things are going to be complicated and they’re going to stay complicated until the two of you are over. If you think you might be able to love him, whether it’s now or sometime in the future, you’ve got to at least give it a shot. There’s nothing worse than losing someone you love, especially when it’s something that might have been prevented.”
Do I love Eric?
It’s still too new a relationship, but the fact that listening to her talking about fighting for the relationship gave me the first bit of peace that I’ve felt outside of the insanity of the store’s rush tells me that it might turn into that down the road if only we can get past this.
“I don’t know, Mom,” I tell her, but the way this is hurting I know I love him. “Things looked like they were going to be so perfect, but then this happens and everything’s just—”
“Oh, nothing’s ever perfect, dear,” she interrupts. “Just look at your father and me. Why, when I first met him, I thought he was a do-nothing coward—yeah, you heard me, Harold!” she shouts, only giving credence to her point that their relationship isn’t perfect. “But if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have you or your sister—did you hear they’re going to name the baby Percival?”
“Oh god,” I gripe. “It’s a boy?”
“Can you believe it?” she asks. “Even when I was growing up, Percival was one of those names that always seemed to carry a thick layer of dust on it.”
I crack a smile.
“You don’t always know when it’s right. That’s the big myth that sells tickets to all those Sex with Everyone in the City movies,” she says. “All you can do is realize when you’ve reached the point where you’re not willing to fight for it anymore, and maybe you’re already there. This relationship is still so young for both of you and maybe this all came too soon, but if there’s a chance, I think you should track him down and scream at him until you decide one way or the other.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I tell her. “This has actually helped quite a bit.”
“You’re welcome dear,” my mom says. “Just one more thing and then I’m going to see if I can sneak another pain pill.”
“Go easy on those, will you?” I ask. “They’re worse than most of the crap you can buy on the streets.”
“Oh, I just take halves,” my mom says. “I just like playing Secret Impossible Mission with your father. He thinks I’m just trying to get stoned and it’s about the best entertainment I’ve had in years.”
I roll my eyes.
This is my mother.
“You said there was one more thing?” I ask.
“Yes,” she says. “When the two of you fornicated, did you use a condom?”
“Oh, for god’s sake…”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Information Overload
Eric
“I think what you’ve got to do is to give her a little bit of time, but make sure she knows that you’re thinking about her, only don’t be pushy, but don’t just lie down and let things break apart, you know, unless you have to,” Irene says.
We’ve been at this for hours and, surprisingly, the more sober she’s gotten, the less sense her advice has made.
“I’m pretty sure you just gave me a list of contradictions,” I tell her. “Is there anything I’m supposed to do with that, or are you just running through possibilities out loud?”
“Well, it’s not so easy to know what it is until you know what it is,” she says. “Do you know what it is?”
The doorbell rings.
“I should probably get that,” I tell her.
“All right,” she says, “I should probably catch a cab anyway. Alec’s going to be back soon, and I’ve got a couple of surprises for him.”
“I will pay for your cab fare if you don’t tell me what those surprises are,” I smile.
I appreciate the effort Irene’s put into trying to help me today, but I don’t think I’ve gleaned a single clear, useful idea out of the whole discussion.
She makes the motion of zipping her lips shut and I pull forty bucks out of my wallet and hand it to her.
We get to the door, and I open it.
“Listen!” Jessica starts, but immediately stops when she sees Irene.
“Jessica!” Irene exclaims. “It is so great to see you again. Did you have fun at the party? Oh, well, I should get going anyway. You two have a good night, goodbye!”
Jessica and I watch Irene as she leaves, waiting for all of her words to process. It takes a minute.
“Can I come in?” Jessica asks me finally.
“Of course,” I tell her, shutting the door behind her. “I just wanted to say—”
“No,” she interrupts. “I have a few things I want to say first.”
“Okay,” I respond and, before I can ask her if I can get her anything to drink, she just lets loose and starts screaming at me.
“Listen, you stupid son of a bitch…”
That’s how it starts and it doesn’t get any nicer.
At first, I’m waiting for her to stop so I can respond, then I’m waiting for her to take a breath so I can jump in without technically interrupting her. Finally, I’ve given up completely and we’re having a shouting match.
The few words I can get in, though, are quickly and easily overpowered by the sheer force and volume of her anger.
She’s screaming at me for a very long time.
Epilogue
The Big Goodbye
Jessica
There are a lot of emotions as I stand outside the store I spent so much time building, the idea I’d spent so much time nurturing, growing. Now, I’m locking the doors for the very last time.
The moment isn’t without its ceremony, as my family and everyone who’s worked for me over these last few years is waiting for me on the sidewalk.
My mom’s standing with my dad, both of whom are trying to keep their distance from Jed while simultaneously keeping as close as they can to Kristin and—I still have a hard time saying it—Percival.
He’s almost two now and Kristin’s already starting to bend with the weight of holding him.
I kind of want to give a speech to commemorate the closing of Lady Bits’ doors, but there are too many people and I’m simply not that good on my feet, so I just turn back toward the store and take one final look back at the place where I’ve spent so much of my adult life, trying to do something I believed in, making plenty of friends and, yes, even some enemies along the way.
A hand falls on my shoulder and I straighten my posture.
The key slides easily into the door and too quickly, the moment is over. The doors are locked.
The store is closed.
I turn around and start making my rounds, thanking everyone on my way for their part in helping my dream to come true.
When I get to Linda, I stop and raise an eyebrow to her.
“We’ve had some ups and downs, haven’t we?” I ask.
She snickers and adjusts her baby girl in her arms.