He said, “But I have to go today.”
She looked at him, and something in her eyes seemed to close off. “Come back sometime. If you like.”
“I’m not sure if I’ll be able. But… I’d like to. I would.”
Her lips moved, and then something in her expression made him think she’d changed her mind about what she was going to say. She smiled, but the smile was too bright. “Well, you know my number.”
He wanted to ask her what she’d been on the verge of saying. But he didn’t. She hesitated a moment longer, then unbolted the door and walked quickly away.
He closed the door and leaned back against it, and realized suddenly that he hadn’t given her any money. He thought she’d left abruptly because the goodbye was awkward. But maybe it was because she was afraid he might try to pay her, and didn’t want to give him the chance to spoil things more than maybe he already had.
Shit, what was wrong with him? She was sweet and smart and strong. And delicious on top of it. He liked her. He admired her. What was his problem? Was he just afraid that maybe in some ways she might have been trying to manipulate him? Why was he so reluctant to get involved?
Fuck it. There was nothing he could do.
He thought of the boy he’d almost killed the night before. And the rouged, doped-up girls he’d seen in front of that dim storefront earlier.
He smacked the back of a fist into the wall next to him. Christ, what was with this country?
He stayed like that, leaning against the door, thinking. Then he stood and paced for a while. Eventually, he found himself looking out his window onto the sunny courtyard below. He felt better, somehow. Calmer.
He wondered whether they really couldn’t make a decent martini. It did seem a shame he hadn’t properly tested that proposition.
And Gant had said Sorm would be harder to get to in Pailin province, where he lived, because foreigners are more conspicuous there. Be interesting to test that theory, too.
He thought of Chantrea, the way she’d said, We have to do what we can, yes? Even if it’s just a little.
Maybe there wasn’t much he could do. A problem this widespread and malignant, it seemed like taking out one man would be no more than a fart in a gale. But all at once, he decided he wanted to believe otherwise.
Because sometimes you had to act as if something was true, even if it might not be.
Notes & Sources
As far as I know, there is no bar called Café Mist in Phnom Penh. But there are plenty of places like it. Other than Mist, all locations in this story are described, as always, as I found them.
I’m indebted to two friends for the phrase “un-fucking an attitude”—one, Clint Overland; another, who must be known only as Wade — a topic on which they are both expert. And indebted to Marc “Animal” MacYoung for the wonderfully droll line, “Sometimes you just have to explain things to people in terms they understand.” Indeed. It sounded just like Dox and I shamelessly stole it. http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/
The National Museum of Cambodia http://cambodiamuseum.info/
More on Cambodia’s world-famous Citadel Knives http://www.knives-citadel.com/
The Somali Mam Foundation, “Envisioning a world where women and children are safe from slavery” http://www.somaly.org/
Somali Mam on Twitter http://twitter.com/somalymam
Road of Lost Innocence: The True Story of a Cambodian Heroine, by Somaly Mam
The “wild thing” quote Dox is thinking of is D.H. Lawrence: “I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.” http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/33221.html
The “Homeland Battlefield” Bill http://www.salon.com/2011/12/16/three_myths_about_the_detention_bill/singleton/
Stephen Colbert on the president’s power to order the execution of American Citizens http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/410085/march-06-2012/the-word--due-or-die
Ray Davis Pakistan shooting incident http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raymond_Allen_Davis_incident
US torture of whistleblower Bradley Manning http://www.salon.com/2012/03/07/un_top_torture_official_denounces_bradley_mannings_detention/
XM2010 Enhanced Sniper Rifle http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XM2010_Enhanced_Sniper_Rifle
Khmer Borane Restaurant http://www.borane.net/