“He won’t try to move the body. He told me once that it would be stupid.”
“Then I’ll be guarding it for nothing. But it won’t hurt."
"How long will you be there?"
"Until Spiro meets me there tomorrow morning. Don’t expect me back until—”
“I’ll go with you."
"Go to bed, you’re not invited." He opened the door. "My job, Eve. You and Sarah have done yours."
"It’s idiotic of you to go there tonight if you think he—" She was talking to air. He was gone.
How dare he upset her and then terrify her by going back to Debby Jordan’s grave? And how could he think that she’d be able to sleep? She’d be up all night, imagining him by himself in that field.
She would sleep. She wouldn’t think of him. Let him risk Dom coming back and finding him. It would serve him right. He’d probably enjoy facing that son of a bitch. He’d karate-chop him as he had Lopez and walk away.
Her heart was pounding hard. Stop it. Don’t think of him. Go to bed and go to sleep.
Joe was sitting several yards away from the grave site, and she could feel his gaze on her as she approached, but she couldn’t see his expression in the darkness. There probably wasn’t any expression. She usually had to watch for the faintest flicker of an eyelash or the movement of his mouth to know what he was feeling. Though he’d made his feelings more than clear lately.
"I was expecting you." Joe patted the ground beside him. "Sit down.”
“Well, I didn’t expect to be here." She sat down and linked her arms around her knees. "I told you he wasn’t coming."
"But you couldn’t let me run the risk alone.”
“You’re my friend… sometimes."
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"All the time. You shouldn’t have come here by yourself.”
“I’m never by myself. One of the security men followed me.”
“Which is the only reason I feel the slightest gratitude to Logan.”
“He’s a good man."
"No comment."
She was silent as she gazed across the field at the red flag marking the grave. Are you there, Debby Jordan? I hope you are. God, I hope we can bring you home.
"She had two children?"
"Two little boys. According to the newspapers, she had everything. A good marriage, a family, friends. She was a good person trying to live a good life. Then one day she left home and never came back. No warning. No reason. Dom saw her and wanted her dead." She shook her head.
"That’s what’s most frightening. You can live your life in the best way, the most moral way possible, and it doesn’t make any difference. A madman chooses you at random and takes away everything. It’s not fair."
"That’s why we all have to live every moment as if it were our last and not close ourselves off."
He was no longer talking about Debby Jordan. "I don’t close myself off. I just choose what I want in my life."
"Then you should widen your selection. It’s pretty damn miserly."
"I’m content with the way things are."
“Bullshit."
"Dammit, why do you want to change everything?”
“Because I’m too selfish. I want more."
"I can’t— I don’t want—"
"Sex?"
She stiffened. It was the one subject she hadn’t wanted to bring out in the open. God knows, she’d tried to push it away a hundred times while lying in bed last night.
"I think you do want it." He wasn’t looking at her. "You’ve had a few sexual relationships since Bonnie died. Nothing serious. You wouldn’t let them be serious. That would have interfered with your work."
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Joe had never spoken to her before about those fleeting relationships. She hadn’t known he’d even been aware of them. "It still would interfere."
"Then you’ll have to learn to deal with it." His tone was almost offhand. "Because I’m here and I’m serious as hell. I’ve watched and I’ve waited. I learned to control jealousy and anger and desperation. I never tried to stop you from going to other men because I knew that every step would help you heal. But you needed something else from me. Well, you got it."
"Joe…"
"Everything I’ve done since I met you has been centered on you. You became my center. I don’t know why. I never wanted it." He finally turned to look at her. "But if you can see beyond Bonnie and all those other lost kids, you’ll find I’m pretty damn close to your center too."
"You’re my friend, Joe."
"Forever. But I can be more. I can please your body." He paused. "And I can give you a child."
‘No."
"That scared you. You’re afraid to even think of it, but it would be the one act that might heal you. For God’s sake, it wouldn’t be a betrayal of Bonnie."
"No."
He shrugged. "I’m not pushing it. We have a long way to go before we get that far."
She stared at him in pain and bewilderment. "Joe, it wouldn’t work.”
“It will work. I’ll make it work." He smiled. "My first goal is to get you to think of me as a sex object instead of as a brother. Shall I tell you how good I am in bed?"
He was joking. Or was he? She was so confused, she wasn’t sure of anything about him anymore.
"No, I’d rather show you." His smile faded. "And I know this isn’t the time or place. Though it seems as though we’ve spent most of our years together balanced on the edge of a grave." He reached over and touched her cheek. "You should think about the fact that a good portion of the time I’m looking at you I’m not seeing my friend. I’m seeing you in bed or on top of me or putting your hands on— He threw back his head and laughed. "Your eyes are as wide as saucers.”
“Damn you, Joe." She felt as if her face were on fire. "I won’t think about it." But she would. She wouldn’t be able to stop herself from remembering his words.
And he knew it.
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"It’s okay." He was still smiling as he pulled her into the crook of his arm. "Relax. I don’t mind occasionally being just a shoulder to lean on. I’m only opening our relationship to more interesting possibilities."
She shouldn’t take comfort from him. It wasn’t fair. Besides, it confused the issues. And what the hell were the issues? Sex? Love? Friendship? Whatever they were, she should probably stay remote until she could think clearly.
Yet they had sat like this a hundred times, touched and shared thoughts and silences. How could she push him away? It would hurt too much. It would be like tearing out a part of herself.
"Stop fretting," Joe murmured. "This part will always stay the same. I’m not trying to take anything away from you. I’m just trying to give us both more."
"You must think I’m a selfish bitch," she said unevenly. "You’ve already given me so much. You saved my life and you saved my sanity. I’d give you anything you wanted if I wasn’t afraid I’d end up hurting you. Sex is nothing. You’d ask for more and I don’t know anything about a man
— woman relationship. The boy who got me pregnant with Bonnie left as soon as I told him I wouldn’t get an abortion. That wasn’t exactly great training. I don’t know if I could handle such a big commitment."
"You can handle it. You can handle anything."
"Yeah? I haven’t handled any sexual relationship with great skill.”
“That’s because it wasn’t with me."
She suddenly chuckled. "You arrogant bastard."
He smiled. "Nothing but the truth." He pressed her head into the curve of his shoulder. "Go to sleep. You might get lucky and dream of me.”
“I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction. Your ego is too big as it is." She gradually relaxed. Weird, she thought drowsily, she shouldn’t be able to fall back into the comfortable groove of years.
But Joe seemed able to switch back and forth effortlessly and bring her along with him. "I shouldn’t go to sleep. I came here in case Dom—"