I saw the King on one or two occasions. He did not appear to notice me. I wondered whether he remembered our encounter in the garden at Hever and this was his way of showing disapproval. I did not care if it was.
Being a member of the Queen's household meant that one was engaged in many duties other than pleasure. I should have liked to take part in the masques more frequently, but there were always certain tasks we had to perform. We had to sit with the Queen at our embroidery while one of us read from a religious book. There were prayers to be attended.
But there were occasions when the Queen and her ladies were expected to attend the revels; and this gave me a chance to shine. I always paid a great deal of attention to the clothes I should wear and I hoped I should not have too many imitators. I loved to dance, and when the King and his friends danced with the ladies, I often wondered whether he would come to me and if so what conversation would pass between us. I half hoped and was afraid that he would do so. I should have to curb my tongue. I had no wish to be banished from Court.
At one of these occasions I saw a new face among the gentlemen—a young man who was quite good looking, perhaps lacking in elegance and with an air of not belonging to the Court.
I could see that he was watching me intently.
In the dance he made his way to my side.
“Mistress Anne Boleyn?” he said. I nodded and he went on: “Your servant, James Butler.”
I felt myself flush and turn cold. This rather gauche but not ill-favored young man, the husband they had chosen for me!
“I think,” he said, “that we should talk.”
He took my hand and looked round.
“Let us leave the dancers,” he said. “We could sit awhile… there.”
I sat down looking at him.
“I think it is time we became acquainted,” he went on, “in view of the plans for our future.”
“I must tell you at once,” I said, “that I have no intention of being hurried into marriage.”
“It has been arranged by our families.”
“I know that well, but I am not of a temper to be forced to go against my will.”
“This is the will of our fathers.”
“I know that.”
“It is also the King's will.”
I said: “When I marry, it will have to be my will.”
He smiled. “Oh, I know I have not the grace of these Court gallants, but I would be a good husband, I promise you.”
“That may be so, but I fear I should not be a good wife.”
“I would do everything I could to make you happy. I would be ready to wait…to let you get to know me…I myself felt reluctant at first. I said, as you did, I shall not be forced into marriage. But now that I have seen you…”
I said: “We are unfortunate…as so many have been before and no doubt many will be after. I have always believed that men and women should have freedom of choice in what concerns them most.”
The music had stopped. There were no dancers in the great hall. There was a buzz of conversation. The King was seated beside the Queen at the great table, and I saw that he was looking straight at me. For a few seconds I could not take my eyes from his face. It looked thunderous. A little while before he had been smiling, applauding the music; now, having seen me, he must be remembering that scene in the garden and was angry.
I thought: He has recognized me; he has suddenly realized that I am here and he is annoyed that I am a member of his wife's household.
I lowered my eyes.
James Butler was saying: “Do not be afraid, Anne. We shall grow to know each other. We shall grow to love each other. We will go to Ireland.”
I shuddered.
“Oh, it is not all bogs and savagery, you know.”
I said: “I would not wish to hide the truth from you, but I would never be forced into marriage.”
He touched my hand gently.
“There is time…,” he said.
I rose and joined the ladies.
I was very disturbed, not so much by James Butler but by the anger I had seen in the King's eyes.
I waited for dismissal. It did not come. Then I breathed more freely. I supposed it was just a momentary memory. It was too insignificant to occupy his mind for long.
When I saw Mary, I asked if the King had mentioned to her that he knew her sister was at Court.
She looked surprised. “Why should he?”
“I wondered if he had noticed me.”
She laughed aloud. “I know you have admirers, Anne, but I do not think the King is one of them.”
“I did not think he was admiring me. I just wondered if he had said anything to you. After all, I am your sister.”
She shook her head.
I decided I had worried unduly.
“I have met James Butler,” I told her, “he whom they have decided I shall marry.”
“Oh? Is he pleasant?”
“I suppose so.”
“Oh, Anne, I'm glad for you.”
“Then don't be. I have no intention of marrying him.”
“Why not? It's what everyone wants.”
“Except me; and I happen to be more involved than anyone.”
“Does James Butler object?”
“Apparently not.”
“It'll be all right, Anne. You'll get used to it.”
“Mary, I am not like you.”
“That I know well.”
“I cannot take pleasure in just any man.”
“You must fall in love with him then.”
“Is it as easy as that?”
“Oh, it's very easy.”
I saw that I could not make Mary understand.
James Butler used to seek me out and talk to me. I quite liked him. He was gentle and eager to please me. I could not help finding a kind of pleasure in his admiration, although I supposed it would have been easier if he had found me repulsive. I was vain enough, however, to be pleased that he did not, even though it made the situation harder. He talked about Ireland and the life he could offer me out there. We could come to England frequently. I would soon get used to his Irish ways.
And I would sit there listening and saying to myself: Never. Never.
One day he came to me in a puzzled frame of mind.
“Has anything been said to you?” he asked.
“About what?”
“About our marriage.”
“Why should anyone say anything about that?”
“It has been arranged not only by our families but by the King and the Cardinal. You know, of course, that the Earl of Surrey, your uncle, is most anxious for the marriage. It was he who suggested it.”
“I never liked him.”
“I spoke to him yesterday. I said, ‘I have now made the acquaintance of Anne Boleyn. I love her already and I am sure that, in time, I can bring her to love me. I think there should be no delay and Anne should be persuaded that our betrothal should be announced.’ And what do you think he said?”
I shook my head.
“He said: ‘There is to be no more talk of this marriage.’”
I felt my spirits rising. But like James I was bewildered.
He went on: “I asked why. I said ‘I have come here to court Anne Boleyn as I was told to do by my father. Why is there to be no talk of it?’ He said to me, ‘You are a boy and understand not these matters. You are advised to say nothing of this. But there must be no more talk of a marriage with Anne Boleyn.’ ‘But I cannot understand it,’ I cried. ‘What of those estates?’ He frowned at me and said angrily, ‘Cannot you understand my words? I have told you there is to be no more of this…’ There! What do you make of it?”