“Yes,” she said, still smiling. “Let’s all keep our secrets, eh?”
DISCLOSURES
During the days which followed I did not want to meet people. I knew that the great topic of conversation throughout the neighbourhood would be the search of the mine shaft and the return of Gwennie.
I did hear certain comments and it amazed me how those who had been so certain that Gwennie’s body would be found in the mine shaft now declared they had never suspected foul play for one moment and they had guessed all the time that she had gone off somewhere without saying.
I did not go to Landower. I did not want to see Gwennie and I was afraid of seeing Paul. I just wanted to shut myself away for a little while. All that had happened had been a great shock to me and that was partly because I had suspected that Paul, driven beyond endurance, might have killed her. It was a terrible accusation to make against the man one loved; and it taught me something about myself. Even if he had, I should have been ready to shield him.
Because of my immature dreams into which I had set Paul during the time I was growing up, because of my infatuation for Jeremy Brandon, I had sometimes wondered how deep my love for Paul had gone. I was in no doubt now. I loved him for ever and ever.
But our case seemed hopeless and I must come to some decision about my life. I had Livia and I had Tressidor. Livia and I could leave, but could I leave Tressidor? Could I sell it? The ancestral home of the Tressidors. But I was not really one of them. My mother had merely married into the family and my father was not one of them either.
What did I owe Tressidor? I ought to get away. What life could I ever build up here? Moreover there was this niggling fear in my mind. Suppose what I had imagined had happened, actually did. It could so easily I believed, for would it have been so unusual, so unexpected? Many—including myself—had believed it could happen.
These were more grim thoughts.
Cousin Mary, I said to myself, If you are watching me now, if you know what is happening here, you will understand. I know what this place meant to you. I know that you wanted me to carry on … and it was what I wanted. It meant a good deal to me. But I can’t stay here, and I feel that what has happened has been a sort of rehearsal, a warning. It has brought home to me so clearly what could be. How can anyone go on enduring this state of affairs? How near to murder can ordinary people come? Perhaps if they are goaded beyond endurance … Cousin Mary, would you understand?
I thought: I will go to London. I will talk to Rosie … and perhaps Jago. They might help me decide.
Livia wanted to go to Landower to play with Julian. “The two of them are so good together,” said Nanny Loman. “Julian is like a big brother to her. I’ve never seen two play together like those two do.”
So Nanny Loman took Livia over to Landower.
When she came back she found an early opportunity of talking to me.
She said: “Mrs. Landower’s gone off again.”
“Gone off?”
“Off on her travels.”
“Oh, where this time?”
“She hasn’t said.”
“She seems to like these mystery tours. I hope she has taken her comb with her this time. Did you find out?”
“As a matter of fact I did. It appears she has taken it.”
“Then all is well,” I said.
Gwennie had been away a week. I had seen Paul and we went together into the woods where we could talk in peace.
“I wonder where she has gone this time,” I said.
“She was so amused at the last upheaval. I suppose she thought she would do it again.”
“Nobody seems excited about it this time.”
“Well, you can’t play the same trick twice.”
I said: “I’ve been thinking a great deal. I am beginning to wonder whether I ought after all to sell up here and get right away.”
“You can’t do that.”
“I could, and sometimes I think it is the only solution.”
“It’s defeatism.”
“It is a retreat from something which could become intolerable for us all.”
“That last affair shattered you, didn’t it? I think you really believed I had hit her on the head with a blunt instrument and thrown her down the mine shaft.”
I was silent, then I said: “I’m afraid, Paul. This is getting out of hand. She will never let you go.”
“I could leave.”
“Leave Landower … for which you would always crave. It’s different with Tressidor. I wasn’t brought up in it. I’m not even a Tressidor. I just have the name because my mother happened to be married to one. I don’t feel the ties of a home which has always been mine and my family’s.”
“You would leave me.”
“Only because I have a feeling that it could be dangerous to stay.”
“People live with these situations.”
“Yes, that’s true.”
“Then couldn’t we compromise? We can’t have what we want but need we lose everything?”
“We have gone over that ground before. I could become your mistress. That’s what you mean. But between us there is more than a physical relationship. It would not satisfy either of us completely. We should hanker for the really stable things … the things that matter … home, family, the honourable life, the honest life. We live in glass houses, as it were. We are watched all the time. And sooner or later … the explosion would come. I saw it all so clearly when they were exploring the mine … I have to think, Paul. I have to make up my mind.”
He did not try to persuade me this time. There was nothing to be said. We had said it all before.
We walked through the trees, close …
And I thought: It is the only way.
I rode out to the moor.
Gwennie had still not returned and there was no news of her. No one seemed to think that strange.
I wondered where she was this time. Had she gone to Scotland to make further enquiries into poor Jamie’s past or was she investigating someone else? But it might be that she had gone away out of mischief. She had been so amused by all the speculation.
How desolate it seemed on the moor! How different from the last time I had seen it with the crowd of morbid sightseers gathered there!
I felt an impulse to walk on the springy turf so I tethered my horse to a boulder and did so. I felt I wanted to go near to the mine and almost involuntarily my footsteps led me towards it.
How lonely it was!
I was near the edge now. Suppose I were to see a black dog or a white hare, what should I do?
The wind moaned a little as it ruffled the grass where it grew tall and I noticed that several clumps of gorse were in bloom.
Suddenly I heard the wheels of a trap and the clip-clop of a horse’s hoofs. I looked up and recognized it at once as my own trap. That meant that someone had taken it into Liskeard to get some purchases, I imagined.
The driver had seen me and pulled up.
He called to me: “Miss Tressidor.”
It was Jamie.
“Hello, Jamie. Have you been into the town?”
He alighted and, patting the horse, whispered something to it. Then he came towards me, Lionheart at his heels.
“Oh, Miss Tressidor, what are you doing near the mine?”
“I was just having a walk.”
“You shouldn’t go so close.”
“I was just wondering whether I should see the black dog … and here is Lionheart instead.”
The dog came to me and gave a friendly bark, wagging his tail. I stooped and patted him. He ran close to the mine.
“Have you just been shopping?”
“Just to get one or two things. The trap is handy.”
“It would be impossible without,” I said. “It’s a lovely day.”
“Too sultry. There’s thunder in the air.”