The way we done it, there was never no risk involved, that was the beauty part. We didn’t have to stand out there on the street practically naked and force the side flap, and then hook the door latch with a wire hanger, and unlock it, and then open the hood and cross the wires, all of which takes a lot of time even if you are an experienced person. There is the danger there of some eager-beaver cop coming up and saying, ‘Hey, what you doing there?’ and maybe shooting you in the leg or something. I know a car man in Frisco who got shot not only in the leg but also where it hurts a lot.
So what we done is we looked through the classified ads, you understand me, John? Like in this newspaper here, and stop picking your teeth, that’s a disgusting habit. Like right here, I’ll read this thing out loud to you so you can get an idea how we set up the marks, and spitting out little pieces of meat like that, what the hell’s the matter with you, John? This here is a typical ad we would circle with a red pencil and then give the guy a call. I’ll read it to you.
And then the phone number, and all that crap where you should contact the person who is selling the car. I’m only giving you this as an example, John, because actually we tried to get cars that had a bigger demand, like right now a used Mercedes 280SL is very big because they ain’t making them no more, and the model they’re putting out costs something like fourteen grand, so there’s a very big market for the old model, you follow me? Your broke your friggin toothpick. But like let’s say this is the car we decide to heist, so what we done is Clara would call the person — she ain’t been to see me, she ain’t sent not even a postcard, I wonder what’s the matter with that dame? She was one of the best in the business, I got to tell you, John, the tale she gave that man on the phone was unbelievable, she’ll probably come next visiting day, I hope.
She would call the number in the ad, and she would start the conversation by saying, for example, if it was this particular car in this ad here, she would say, ‘Are you the person advertising the Cadillac Eldorado convertible 1971?’ she would say.
And he would say, ‘Yes, I am.’
And then it would go-like this:
‘This is Mrs. Abigail Hendricks, what colour is the car?’
She would use different names each time, of course, her real name is Clara Parsons. I think. At least, that is the name she told me was her real name. But for the sake of example, let’s say this time she’d be using the name Abigail Hendricks. John, you can hurt your teeth using a paper clip that way. And the guy who was trying to sell his car would say, ‘Yes, I am the person advertising the Cadillac Eldorado convertible 1971.’
‘What colour is the car?’ the conversation would go.
‘It’s firemist green with a white vinyl top and interior.’
‘Oh, that’s good,’ Clara would say. ‘What’s firemist green?’
‘A sort of off-green.’
‘It’s not like a bright Kelly green, is it?
‘Oh no. No, not at all.’
‘I’ve always wanted a Cadillac,’ Clara would say. Or a Mercedes or a Lincoln Continental or a T-Bird, or whatever car was in the ad, you follow? ‘I used to have a Buick, I sold it last month. But in my secret heart I’ve always wanted a Cadillac. This is a convertible, isn’t it?’
‘Yes. Oh, yes.’
‘I’ve always wanted a Cadillac convertible. How many miles are on it?’
‘40,000. More or less.’
‘Is it in good condition?’
‘Excellent condition. It is in excellent condition.’
‘It wasn’t in any accidents or anything, was it?’
‘No, no. Never.’
‘And the interior is in good condition, too?’
‘Perfect condition.’
What’s happening, John, is that the mark is trying to sell her, you understand? He don’t know yet that we are going to heist his Caddy, he’s got no idea we are setting him up. He just listens to the tale, and tries his best to get Clara to buy the goddamn car.
‘And it’s thirty-three hundred dollars, is that right?’
‘That’s all.’
‘That sounds a little high. Is that just the asking price? What I mean is are you willing to come down a little?’
‘That’s the firm price.’
‘I’m a widow, you see. Excuse me one minute, could you? I think I hear one of the children.’
That was where she’d put down the phone, and go to the refrigerator and get herself a bottle of beer of something, or come over to where I was sitting and give me a little kiss, I wonder why she ain’t written, well, she’ll probably show up next week and surprise me. So she’d let him wait on the phone for just a little bit, and then she’d go back and pick up the receiver again and say to him, ‘I’m sorry I took so long. I live in this big old house in Larchmont, Andrea’s room is all the way down the hall. I have three children, two boys and a girl, it isn’t easy raising a family all alone, believe me. My husband passed away last June, you see.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that.’
‘Well, I’m just getting over it, actually. Do you think it’s frivolous of me to want a Cadillac?’
‘No, a Cadillac is a very fine motor car.’
‘It’s just, you know, I think I’ve been in mourning long enough, don’t you? Do you know what colour my Buick was, the one I sold?’
‘What colour?’
‘Black. It was a ‘72 Skylark wagon, are you familiar with that particular automobile?’
‘I can’t say I’m too familiar with it.’
‘I got twenty-five hundred dollars for it, which is how I happen to have the money to buy another car. That Buick always reminded me of a hearse, and now that I’m finally getting over my husband’s passing away, I think I ought to have something more light-hearted, don’t you think? Firemist green. That sounds very light-hearted.’
‘It is. It’s a very light-hearted motor car.’
‘Do you think I should come see it?’
‘That’s entirely up to you, Mrs. Hendricks. I have several people coming to see it tomorrow, so I can’t guarantee...’
‘Oh, please don’t sell it till I’ve at least had a chance to look at it. Where are you located, exactly?’
Let’s say the guy lives on Seventy-eighth and Central Park West, or wherever. So he’ll tell Clara. ‘I’m on Seventy-eighth and Central Park West.’
‘In the city, is that?’
‘Yes, in the city.’
‘Because I live in Larchmont, you see.’
We didn’t live in Larchmont, I hope you understand that. John, you listening to me, or what? I can’t tell if you’re listening when you got your eyes closed like that. Where we really lived was in a hotel on Forty-seventh Street just east of Broadway, that was where we made our headquarters in New York. But Clara keeps mentioning that she lives in Larchmont because she wants to give this picture of a respectable widow living in a big old house she probably inherited when her old man kicked off, and she’s raising three adorable little kids, and she’s got this nice cheque deposited for twenty-five hundred, so it’s reasonable she could have scraped up another eight-hundred someplace, right? Just nod, John. That way I’ll know you’re not asleep.