“I’m trying, Leena. I’m trying to change. You don’t know how much I wish I could take back-”
“Don’t,” she said as she looked up at him. “Don’t keep making me relive it, Mecca. We can’t take back the things we did in the past, and it’s too painful for me to think about. I know that being here with you is a mistake, but please just let me make it.”
“Okay,” he replied simply as he picked her up, her long legs wrapping around his body as he placed his hands on her behind. He carried her to his bedroom as their tongues performed a delicate dance. He laid her down on his bed and then stood up as he admired her.
Seeing her in his bed, alive and breathing, caused him much distress as he felt his chest swell. Although he had hurt Leena, she had hurt him as well. She was a constant reminder of the monster he had become. At that moment, everything sexual about their interaction went out of his mind. His motive was different. What he sought from her was intimacy. He wanted to feel the unconditional love that she had for him.
As he looked down at her, his heart swelled, and for the first time in his life, he was selfless, thinking of her before himself. After everything he had done to her, Leena still came back to him. The hollow space inside his chest, where his heart should have dwelled, ached because he realized that he loved her too. He lay down beside her and pulled her close to his body.
“I just want to hold you, Lee. Just stay here with me. Forgive me, Leena,” he whispered as he kissed the top of her head.
Leena closed her eyes as the heat from his body warmed her. She was reluctant in her decision, but knew that it was one she would still make, despite the warning bells ringing in her conscience. “I do, Mecca. I forgive you.”
When Breeze opened her eyes, her entire body hurt. She had been asleep for three days straight, but now that she was awake and coherent, she felt the horrible effects of withdrawal. She reached for the IV that was in her arm and weakly pulled it out. As she stood to her feet, the weight of her body was unbearably heavy. Despite the fact that she had lost tremendous weight, it felt like her bones would break with every step that she took. Her body had been dependent on heroin for so long that it was no longer producing the endorphins she needed to resist pain. Every inch of her body hurt. The pressure of her feet hitting the floor felt as if she were walking on glass. It was no longer a matter of enjoying the high; she needed heroin to keep her functioning. Without it, she felt sick.
For so long she had convinced herself that she would never make it home. Now that she was back, she felt dirty and ashamed of where she had been. As she made her way out of the room, she gripped her churning stomach with one hand while keeping her balance against the wall with the other. When she stepped into the hallway, the smell of food cooking drew her to the kitchen.
She was caught off guard by the unfamiliar face that greeted her. Illiana stood in a Victoria’s Secret negligee as she prepared breakfast. Breeze gasped at her beauty, and instantly began to smooth out her own hair from insecurity.
I used to look like that, she thought as she fumbled nervously, ashamed of her appearance.
When Illiana realized she had an audience, she smirked. “So, the famous Breeze Diamond does more than sleep,” she said as she motioned her hand for Breeze to sit.
“W-where’s Zyir?” Breeze asked as she sat down timidly, wincing from the pressure of her tailbone hitting the wooden chair. She looked around nervously as she shivered and rubbed the goose bumps on her bare arms. Being home felt odd, as if she no longer belonged, and the way Illiana was looking at her made her feel out of place.
“He’s in the shower,” Illiana replied as she looked Breeze up and down from head to toe. I don’t see what all the fuss is about, she thought as she instantly judged Breeze.
“Who are you?” Breeze asked.
Illiana fixed herself a plate and began to walk past Breeze. She stopped right next to her and replied, “I’m the new bitch in Zyir’s life that you don’t want to fuck with.” She placed the plate of food down in front of Breeze so hard that some of the food fell onto the table. “Here, you need this more than I do. You look like shit.”
Feeling as if she hadn’t eaten in days, she dug into the plate, as Illiana shook her head and walked away.
She’s pathetic, she thought as she walked back into Zyir’s bedroom.
“You cooking?” Zyir asked in surprise as soon as she came into the room. Water dripped from his rock hard abs, and the white towel that was hanging from his hips barely covered his family jewels as she eyed him hungrily.
“Don’t act so surprised, Zyir. Our houseguest woke up, so I just thought I would make her something to eat. She looks so unhealthy,” Illiana replied with fake innocence. “Your plate is on the stove.”
Zyir nodded his head, but looked at her skeptically. “Play nice, Illiana. Now is not the time for bullshit,” he warned.
“What?” she feigned. “Can’t a girl do something nice?” she asked.
“Not a girl like you. Every move you make is calculated,” Zyir answered as he finished dressing.
He bypassed Illiana as he went to join Breeze in the kitchen. He noticed that when he approached her, she wouldn’t look him in the eyes. He walked right up on her and kneeled in front of her. Reaching up to touch her face, he felt his heart speed up. No matter how much she had changed, he was grateful to have her back. He had never thought he would see her alive again.
“You should be in bed, B,” he whispered as he brushed a piece of food from the side of her delicate mouth.
“Where is everyone, Zyir? I just want my mother. Has she been to see me? Why am I not at home with her?” Breeze asked.
Zyir became silent. A lot had happened in Breeze’s absence, and it had slipped his mind that she was unaware of her mother’s death.
I can’t tell her that, he thought. She should hear it from Carter or Mecca.
Breeze noticed the look of uncertainty in Zyir’s eyes. “Where is she, Zyir? Where is my mother? I need her,” she said in a pleading tone.
“She’s gone. She died after you disappeared,” he said, giving her the news as gently as possible.
Breeze reached out and gripped Zyir’s shirt tightly as her head fell onto his chest. Her vision was so blurry with tears that she couldn’t see as she cried silently. She could not even form the words to express the sharp pain that radiated through her heart.
“I know, B… I know,” Zyir soothed as he rubbed her back.
“It just hurts so bad. I wasn’t even here. I missed everything,” Breeze cried.
“Nah, ma, everything missed you. Nothing has been the same since you’ve been gone. You’re home now, and I’m gonna take care of you,” Zyir assured. Zyir picked her up and carried her back into the guestroom.
“Aghh!” she whimpered as he lay her down. Even the thousand thread count sheets felt painful to her. She gripped his hand as he watched over her sympathetically. “Zyir, please… this hurts too bad. I need you to help me. Please just give me a little bit to make me feel better.”
Hearing her beg him for dope broke his heart. He would do anything to take her pain away-anything except what she was requesting of him.
“I can’t do that, Breeze. You don’t need that, ma. I’m going to help you through this, but you’ve got to be strong,” he said.
Breeze began to shake as a chill set into her bones, and she squirmed uncomfortably.
Tears of rage rushed Zyir, but he held them back, refusing to let even one fall. He dipped the sponge on the nightstand into a bowl of cold water and wiped it across her forehead. “What happened to you, ma?” he asked. “Tell me who did this to you. Who took you, Breeze?”