(Change of scene.)
Scene 19
War Welfare Office.
HUGO VON HOFMANNSTHAL (glances at a newspaper) Ah, an open letter to me? — That’s decent of Bahr, not to have forgotten me in these terrible times! (He reads aloud.) “Greetings, Hofmannsthal. All I know is that you are under arms, dear Hugo, but no one can tell me where. And so I write to you via this newspaper. Perhaps some friendly wind will waft it to the campfire outside your tent and convey my best wishes—” (He stops.)
CYNIC Go on — read on! Doesn’t he write well, Bahr!
HOFMANNSTHAL (crumples the paper) Bahr is unbearable—
CYNIC What’s the matter? (Takes the paper and reads out extracts.) “Every German, at home or in the field, now wears a uniform. That is the immense joy of this moment. May God ever preserve it for us! — It is the age-old path already taken by the Nibelungenlied, and the minnesang troubadours and the mastersingers, our mystics and our German baroque, Klopstock and Herder, Goethe and Schiller, Kant and Fichte, Bach, Beethoven, Wagner. — Good luck, my dear lieutenant—”
HOFMANNSTHAL Stop it!
CYNIC (reads) “I know you are happy. You feel the joy of taking part. There is none greater.”
HOFMANNSTHAL Listen, if you don’t stop now—
CYNIC (reads) “And let us remember that, now and for all time: taking part is what counts. And let us ensure that from this day forward we shall always have something in which we can take part. If so, Germany’s destiny will have been fulfilled, and minnesang troubadours and mastersingers, Herr Walter von der Vogelweide and Hans Sachs, Eckhart and Tauler, the mystics and the baroque, Klopstock and Herder, Goethe and Schiller, Kant and Fichte, Beethoven and Wagner — all shall have found their fulfilment. — ” What connection do they have with you? Ah, perhaps he means that they have all been exempted. “And that is the gift of the All-powerful One to the pitiful race of men!” Thank God! — (reads) “Now you must surely soon be in Warsaw!”
HOFMANNSTHAL Stop it!!
CYNIC “Go at once to our consulate and ask if the Austro-Hungarian consul general is still there: Leopold Andrian.” (He has a fit of laughter.)
HOFMANNSTHAL Why are you laughing?
CYNIC He probably stayed in Warsaw after the outbreak of war to issue visas to the troops when they arrive — that’s indispensable in wartime — otherwise they won’t be able to enter Russia! (reads) “And as you celebrate your joyful reunion, while the drums beat outside and Poldi paces up and down the room, declaiming Baudelaire in his ardent, sonorous tones, do not forget me, you are in my mind! You are so lucky—”
HOFMANNSTHAL Stop it!
CYNIC “—and what a flood of ideas just being there must inspire, does it not?” The things he thinks of!
HOFMANNSTHAL Leave me in peace!
CYNIC But you will soon be in Warsaw anyhow, won’t you? For propaganda purposes, I take it, or something along those lines — Will you give your Hindenburg lecture again?
HOFMANNSTHAL Leave me in peace, I tell you—
CYNIC Brr, hasn’t it turned cold again today — let me ring for someone to come and put some more wood on the camp fire outside your tent.
HOFMANNSTHAL That’s really mean — go off and torment someone else and let me work!
(Enter Poldi.)
POLDI (ardent sonorous dialect) Hello there, Hugo my boy, what’s the latest from Bahr?
(Hofmannsthal puts his hands over his ears.)
CYNIC How do you do, Baron, you’ve come at just the right moment.
POLDI Tell me, Hugo my boy, is it true Bahr hasn’t been here all year, or could he really have enlisted?
CYNIC What, him too?
HOFMANNSTHAL Look, he’s simply unbearable — come on, let’s go in—
POLDI Hugo my boy, Baudelaire has got what it takes, let me recite a few pieces.
HOFMANNSTHAL And I’ll show you my Prince Eugene!
POLDI Wunderbahr!
(Change of scene.)
Scene 20
A military unit on the Bukovinian front. Enter Lieutenant Fallota and Lieutenant Beinsteller.
FALLOTA Know what? I picked up a pretty Pole yesterday — very tasty! Pity we can’t include her in that group photo we’re sending in to the Muskete.
BEINSTELLER Ah, a pretty Polski! — Did you know the padre is having his photo taken for the Interessante, on horseback, giving the last rites to a dying soldier. Should be easy enough to arrange, if need be it can be mocked up — y’know, someone lying on the ground — then the editor asked for a prayer at the soldier’s grave — no problem there.
FALLOTA Listen, I took a picture yesterday, a really interesting one. A dying Russian — like a genre scene — with a bullet wound to the head, completely drawn from life — y’know, he could even still stare into the lens. What a look! — y’know — as if I’d deliberately set it up, terrific, d’you think that would be something for the Interessante? Would they take it?
BEINSTELLER You bet! And they’ll pay.
FALLOTA You think so? By the way, here’s something you missed — the corporal fainted yesterday when he had to hold the spy — y’know, the Ukrainian priest — while he was being executed for the Sasha film. Pity you weren’t there.
BEINSTELLER And what did you do with the fellow?
FALLOTA Tied him to a tree, of course. I’m not going to put him in the clink, am I? This isn’t peacetime — clink, that’s just what they’d like, that lot.
BEINSTELLER Y’know, I don’t understand the Russians. The prisoners say they don’t go in for that sort of punishment at all!
FALLOTA Don’t talk to me about that nation of slaves! Did you read that poem by Kappus? In verse, rhyming verse even!
BEINSTELLER Everything in the Muskete these days is hilarious — Schönpflug—
FALLOTA A different kettle of fish altogether! I’ve a funny story I’m going to send in — Listen, you know what, I’ve started to keep a diary, everything I’ve lived through will be in it. Starting with the bash in the mess the day before yesterday. A tasty Polish girl, say no more, but very tasty — (gestures.)
BEINSTELLER Aha, gorgeous curves! Well, good for you. Me, I’m more interested in culture. I read a lot. I’ve almost got through all those Engelhorn novels. Before, when I was back at the base, we’d a pretty wild time of it as well. A bit of music, too. We have a gramophone now we got from the castle. You might lend me your Pole, then she could dance to it.
FALLOTA You know who else must have lived through a lot out in the field? Novak of the Fourteenth, he was a hell of a fellow. If he doesn’t chalk up his 60 shots a day, he gets mad and takes it out on his own men. The other day Pühringer sent me a card: Novak sees some old Serb peasant fetching water on the far bank of the Drina. It happened to be during a lull in the fighting. He says to Pühringer: See him over there? Takes aim, bang, got him! Hell of a fellow, Nowak. Mows down anything that moves. They’ve already put him up for the Order of the Iron Crown.
BEINSTELLER Fantastic! Of course those idiotic peaceniks don’t understand that sort of thing. You know, I’m curious to see how Scharinger is going to extricate himself from that stupid affair. You haven’t heard, have you?