NEPALLECK Not in the slightest. The Prince seized the initiative immediately after the funeral — that is to say, I mean—
V. EISNER Yes, of course, you mean there was a precipitate rush of events. And behold, my dear Hofrat, now we even have a world war.
NEPALLECK Yes, in just atonement! In edifying expiation! Yes indeed. If the Prince had not seized the initiative—
V. EISNER What? For the World War?
NEPALLECK No, what am I saying? I meant, to meet His Majesty’s need for peace and quiet.
V. EISNER What? In view of the World War?
NEPALLECK No — forgive me — I was thinking of something different. I meant to say, things couldn’t go on the way they were, they simply couldn’t. You know, since the annexation of Bosnia—
V. EISNER I predicted that to Aehrenthal. I still think the same, it was in the year of Aline Pallfy’s coming out. I even went with Aehrenthal to the Foreign Ministry—
NEPALLECK Well, each of us has his own burden to bear, but—
V. EISNER How true, who hasn’t, I’ve had some losses myself—
NEPALLECK What? You too, Baron?
V. EISNER Yes, yes, just as I had barely managed to keep going with a few consignments. I’m on the way over there right now — I might still meet Tutu Trauttmansdorff — yes, bite the bullet and keep going, keep going — our men have to keep up the good fight, today, tomorrow, and the next day, that’s the main thing, everything else will take care of itself — good day to you and my humble compliments to the Prince—
NEPALLECK Thank you, thank you. I’ll pass them on. Good day to you, bye—
(Singing can be heard: “Staunch stands and true—”)
(Change of scene.)
Scene 23
Beside the pond in Janov. Enter Ganghofer, yodelling. Traditional loden jacket, black-velvet-faced waistcoat, knee breeches, rucksack, alpenstock, Iron Cross first class. Tyrolean hat with tuft of chamois hair, below that a shock of slightly greying blond hair. On his somewhat bent nose a golden pince-nez.
GANGHOFER
Halli halloo,
I’m at the front,
Halli halloo,
As is my wont.
A one-off child of nature
They’d all love to deploy,
But one who’s grown too old, alas,
To be a soldier boy—
Though not to hold his own, for you
Can see I’m up to scratch.
I served on Szeps’s Tagblatt
And there’s no one I can’t match.
With hunters’ spirit, brave and bold,
Halli, halloo, the huntsmen blow,
And there’s no need to tell the world
I write quite well, you know.
Those schmucks back in Vienna
Were too much competition,
A failure in my prime, I could
Not fulfil my mission.
So I got a loden outfit
And dressed to look the part,
And out into the forest
I swiftly did depart.
So the schmuck once on the Tagblatt
Is now the woodland schmuck.
I’m raking in the shekels and
I can’t believe my luck.
Bavarians don’t realize
Just what a schmuck I am,
They only see my blond hair,
At least that’s not a sham.
Berliners simply can’t resist
My thickly nasal twang,
And when the soil gives out a smell,
It’s your Prussian’s favourite tang.
When he sees a loden jacket
And a Tyrolean hat,
His heart melts and he tells himself:
What can compete with that?
I speak straight from the shoulder
To the highest in the land,
That charms even the Kaiser,
Who thinks I’m simply grand.
Thank goodness that I was a shmuck
Like the others in the pack,
For now the Presse wants me
At the front as a hack.
Roda Roda grovels,
But he’s also missed a few,
For I’m the one who’s landed
The top-level interview.
As one hunter to another
Men talk freely as men can,
Wilhelm talks to me so nicely,
Such a splendid Gentleman!
Then he’ll read the schmuck for pleasure,
For the laughter I provide,
That’s why I lie in waiting,
Like a hunter in his hide.
Halli halloo, Halli halloo (the distant sound of a car approaching)
Toot toot — toot toot — it’s coming true,
The world awaits
Our interview.
AIDE-DE-CAMP (enters running) Ah, there you are, Ganghofer. His Majesty will be here in a moment. You can hear his car tooting. Just be free and easy, you know that’s what Majesty likes, don’t make a fuss, act perfectly naturally, as if you were meeting an old hunting comrade. As you know, in Majesty’s view there are only three instances of perfection in art: in painting, Knackfuss, in music The Trumpeter of Säckingen and maybe also Puppchen, du mein Augenstern, and in literature you, my dear Ganghofer, and maybe, at a stretch, Lauff, Höcker, and Anny Wothe. Otto Ernst has some good bits too. So — no stage fright, Ganghofer, no call for that at all, Heavens no — just stand up straight as befits a hunter and a good down-to-earth fellow, Majesty is bound to stretch out his hand with a hearty laugh. (Car horn sounds: toot toot — toot toot—) Here is His Majesty. The photographer from Die Woche is with him. It’s going to be one of the most enthralling scenes, “as Emperor and Poet walk side by side, for the heights of mankind they both bestride.” And I’m not thinking of your mountains, my dear Ganghofer — oh, no! — but of the spiritual heights. So, chin up. (Car horn sounds close by: toot toot — toot toot—) Once more into the breach, dear Ganghofer! Go to it!
(HM with entourage. In background the photographer from Die Woche. HM goes over to the poet and stretches out his hand with a hearty laugh.)
KAISER Well, Ganghofer, you’re everywhere! You know what, Ganghofer, you’re good!
GANGHOFER (broad dialect) Your Majesty, my bleeding heart’s on the trail of our victorious armies. Dammit all, that was a mountain to climb! (He gives a hop.)
KAISER (laughing) Very good, Ganghofer, very good. Ah — have you had any lunch yet?
GANGHOFER No, Majesty, who could think of such a thing in an age of grandeur like today?
KAISER Heavens above, you must eat, at once! (The Kaiser beckons, a pot of tea is brought, together with two slices of heavy cake. The Kaiser himself puts his hand in a tin and stuffs Ganghofer’s pockets full of biscuits while repeating:) Eat, Ganghofer, go on, eat! (The photographer takes photos.)
KAISER Were you ever in Przemísel, Ganghofer? Eat, for Heaven’s sake, go on, eat! (Ganghofer eats.)
GANGHOFER My most humble thanks, Majesty. Pschemisl, absolutely.
KAISER Well, satisfied? I mean, with Przemísel. But do eat, eat, Ganghofer!
GANGHOFER (eating) Forsooth. It was grand in Pschemisl.
KAISER Did you see Sven Hedin? Go on, eat, Ganghofer—
GANGHOFER (eating) Him too, forsooth, I saw.
KAISER (his eyes light up) I’m pleased you’ve met the man. That Swede is a capital fellow. If you see him again — but go on, eat, Ganghofer — give him my very best regards.
(A Russian plane approaches from the east, gleaming gold in the evening sun like a golden beetle. Puffs of shrapnel follow it. The Kaiser stands still, looks up and says:)