"I have been living inside these walls…" Her voice drifted. "Only the dusty winds of the desert penetrated…" She turned slowly to face the ceiling. "Two and a half miles of walls and the two hundred and fifty acres enclosed have been my world and yours, Yehonala. I will not call you Orchid. I promised myself."
"Of course not, Nuharoo."
"No more rehearsing the protocols… the endless comedy of manners…" She paused to catch her breath. "Only a practiced ear could detect the real meaning of a word wrapped in filigree… the idea hidden in amber."
"Oh, yes, Empress Nuharoo."
A half hour later, Nuharoo ordered that she be left alone with me.
When the room was cleared, I pulled over two thick pillows and sat her up. Her neck, her hair and her inner robe were sweat-soaked.
"Will you," she began, "forgive me?"
"For what?"
"For… for driving Hsien Feng out of your bed."
I asked if she meant the concubines whom she had brought in to seduce Hsien Feng during my pregnancy.
She nodded.
I told her not to worry. "It was only a matter of time until Hsien Feng abandoned me."
"I will be punished in my next life if you don't forgive me, Lady Yehonala."
"All right, Nuharoo, I forgive you."
"Also, I plotted your miscarriage." She wouldn't stop.
"I knew. You didn't succeed, though."
A tear streamed down from the corner of her eye. "You are kind, Yehonala."
"No more, please, Nuharoo."
"But there is more I'd like to confess."
"I don't want to hear it."
"I must, Yehonala."
"Tomorrow, Nuharoo."
"I might not… have the chance."
"I promise to come tomorrow morning."
She decided to go ahead anyway. "I… gave permission for An-te-hai's murder."
Her voice was almost inaudible, but it hit me.
"Tell me you hate me, Yehonala."
I did, I hated her, but I couldn't say it.
Her lips trembled. "I need to depart with a clear conscience."
She squeezed my fingers. Her expression was sad and helpless. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water.
"Offer your mercy, Yehonala."
I was not sure I had the right to forgive. I took my hand out of hers. "Get some rest, Nuharoo. I will see you tomorrow."
Using all her might she yelled, "My departure is irreversible!"
I pulled away and headed toward the door.
"You have wished my disappearance, Lady Yehonala, I know you have."
I stopped and turned around. "Yes, but I changed my mind. We haven't been the best partners, but I cannot imagine having no partner at all. I am used to you. You are the most wretched fucking demon I know!"
A faint smile crossed Nuharoo's face, and she murmured, "I hate you, Yehonala."
Nuharoo died the next morning. She was forty-four years old. Her last words to me were "He didn't touch me." I was stunned because I was sure she meant that Emperor Hsien Feng did not make love to her on their wedding night.
I followed Nuharoo's burial instructions and covered her with gardenias. Her coffin was carried to the royal tomb site and she was laid next to our husband. Luckily, it was April, the season for gardenias. I had no trouble shipping tons of flowers from the south. The farewell ceremony was held in a sea of gardenias in the Hall of Buddha Worshiping, attended by thousands. Hundreds of wreaths in all shapes and sizes arrived from around the country. The eunuchs piled them up, filling the hall.
Nuharoo's passion for gardenias was new to me. The plant was not native to Peking; it was popular in southern China. From her eunuchs I learned that Nuharoo had never seen gardenias before her final illness. She had requested that gardenias be planted around her tomb, only to be told that they wouldn't survive the harsh northern weather. And the desert soil was unsuitable for them.
Nuharoo had surprised me with her feelings after all. I remembered how content she was when I first met her at sixteen. She believed that the world outside was a shabby thing compared to the "Great Within." I could only wonder how excited she would have been if she had traveled to the south and saw with her own eyes the green fertile plain-the land of gardenias.
Two thousand Buddhist monks attended the burial ceremony. They chanted around the clock. Guang-hsu and I stayed up late for the "soul ceremony," when Nuharoo's spirit was said to ascend to Heaven. Eunuchs placed the candles in folded-paper boats and floated them on Kun Ming Lake. Guang-hsu ran along the shore, following the drifting candles.
I sat on a flat boulder by the lake. Quietly I read a poem to wish Nuharoo a good journey to Heaven.
Gardenias fill the courtyard free from dust
By climbing the trumpet vine, its fragrance reinforced;
Softly they heighten the fresh green of spring,
Gently they trail their perfume, ring on ring.
A light mist hides the winding path from view,
From covered walks drips chill and verdant dew.
But who will celebrate the pool in song?
Lost in a dream, at peace, the poet sleeps long.
The foreign press described Nuharoo's death as "mysterious" and "suspicious" and speculated that I was the murderer. "It is generally believed that Tzu Hsi brought about the death of her colleague," a reputable English newspaper stated. "She made up her mind to kill because she was discovered by Nuharoo in bed with a leading man of the opera."
I was able to remain detached until Tung Chih was brought into the stories. "She Did It Again: Yehonala Sacrificed Her Own Child on the Altar of Her Ambition!" shouted one headline in the British press, and the story was picked up by the Chinese papers. The article stated, "When Emperor Tung Chih was critically ill, his mother, far from providing him with the proper medical care, allowed the disease to wreak havoc with his delicate constitution. Should we have any reason to doubt that she had not allowed the same to happen to her coregent?" Another paper echoed, "Yehonala seemed intent on orchestrating the early death of her son and that of Nuharoo. Everyone at court knew that Tung Chih and Nuharoo would not live to see old age."
I felt defenseless. To justify further foreign encroachments in China, I had to be made into a monster.
"It is inconceivable that Yehonala did not know of the shameful exploits of her son and Nuharoo," one Chinese translation read, "and the fatal consequences of such adventures. It was within her power to forbid these revels, yet she did nothing to prevent them."
Day after day, slanderers from around the world poured their venom: "We see how complete was the Dowager Empress's estrangement from her son and how total her lust for power."
"For the young girl from the poorest province in China, no price is too high to maintain her despotic grip on the Celestial Empire."
I dreamed that Yung Lu would come back to defend me. I cried at Tung Chih's altar and walked back in the middle of the night through the Hall of Spiritual Nurturing like a ghost. During the day's audiences, I would break down and weep like a schoolgirl. Guang-hsu kept passing me handkerchiefs until he started to weep himself.
20
The powerful strategist and businessman Li Hung-chang told me that not only was China facing an unavoidable war, but we were already deeply into it. For a week the court had discussed nothing but France's ambitions in our southern border provinces, including Vietnam, which China had long ago ruled before the Vietnamese gained a quasi-independence in the tenth century.
Soon after my husband's death in 1862, France colonized southern Vietnam, or Cochin China. Like the British, the French were hungrily drawn to trade in our southwestern provinces and had set their sights on control of the navigable Red River in northern Vietnam. In 1874 France forced the King of Vietnam to accept a treaty giving it the privileges of overlordship that China had traditionally enjoyed. Much to France's irritation, the King continued to send tribute to my son in exchange for protection.