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"What did you think, Yuan Shih-kai?" I asked.

"I saw myself getting in trouble either way, assuming Tan was being truthful, which I seriously doubted. If I betrayed the Emperor, my punishment would be death, and if I betrayed Yung Lu and Your Majesty, it would be the same. So I weighed my decision while Tan talked. I wanted to make sure that he truly represented the throne. Tan kept saying, 'Cut off the head of the anti-reform monster and the body will wither and die.'"

"Have some water, Yuan." Yung Lu offered his cup.

The general drank the water and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Tan then showed me his map. It was meticulously detailed. It marked the entrances of the Summer Palace, in particular where Your Majesty's bedroom was. Several alternative plans had also been set in motion, according to Tan. Every exit of your palace would be blocked, including the underground storage tunnels. Tan's in-palace partners included one of your close attendants. I was amazed at the thoroughness. It must have been drawn up by an experienced military hand. I couldn't help but think of Queen Min's assassination. The plot bears the same signature."

I felt cold and shaken inside.

Sweat dripped from Yuan Shih-kai's shaved head, making it shine like a melon in the rain.

Yung Lu paced the floor as he listened.

"Tan demanded an instant answer from me." Yuan Shih-kai took a deep breath. "When he saw that I wasn't going to give him one, he threatened me: 'My knife will do whatever it takes to secure reform.' At this point I knew my next move. I excused myself with a lie, promising that I'd be ready to act on October 5, the day the Imperial military inspection would take place in Tientsin. 'All my troops will be assembled,' I told Tan. It made sense to him, for he knew that the inspection would be attended by both Emperor Guang-hsu and Your Majesty. Tan was satisfied when he left."

Yuan Shih-kai looked tired.

"You may sit down," I said.

Yung Lu pulled over a chair.

I have no memory of the next two days. Yuan Shih-kai's voice kept repeating itself inside my head: "I couldn't imagine that the throne would order his mother's execution, but Tan was certain about it." I denied the possibility. With body and soul I tried to protect myself against a terrible assault. Every fiber of my being went to defend my son against Yuan Shih-kai's accusation.

According to Yung Lu, I had called Yuan Shih-kai a liar and had ordered his beheading on the spot. Yung Lu described how Yuan was terrified and begged for his life. Yung Lu believed that my mind "went under," that I was in a state of shock, so he did not carry out my order.

A few hours after Yuan Shih-kai's report, Yung Lu assembled the Grand Council, the key Manchu princes and nobles, and the high officials of the boards, including the ministers the Emperor had previously fired and others who had begged me to reinstate them.

I was asked to resume command of the empire.

I sat through the audience. The court took my silence as an assent to their request.

Under cover of night, together with Yuan Shih-kai, Yung Lu moved his forces up from Tientsin and replaced the palace guards. The Forbidden City and the Summer Palace were tightly secured. Before dawn, Tan's partners inside the palace were secretly arrested. Trusted eunuchs were then sent to Ying-t'ai to spy on Guang-hsu and his attendants.

When I woke that morning it felt as if I were surfacing from a deep well. I dressed, fed myself and went to sit on the Dragon Throne in the Hall of Spiritual Nurturing.

The court's eyes were on me, some curious, some sympathetic, some unreadable. The testimony of individual ministers confirmed what I had been told by Yuan Shih-kai. There was no doubt that a coup had been set in motion.

"Emperor Guang-hsu needs to be dealt with," Yung Lu proposed.

I gave my approval.

"Go to Ying-t'ai and break the news to Emperor Guang-hsu," I instructed Yung Lu. "If my son knew of the plot, tell him I don't want to see his face again."

On his knees, Guang-hsu begged permission to end his life. He was in his pajamas. He hadn't even finished brushing his teeth. His lips were white with toothpaste.

At the sight of him I had to turn my head away and take a breath. Finally I got up and returned to my bedroom and shut the door. Days went by and I fell ill. My stomach was burning. My tongue developed ulcers and it was painful to swallow.

"Your Majesty's internal being has caught fire." Doctor Sun Pao-tien insisted that I stay in bed. "Drink only lotus-seed soup to cool off."

I was running a fever and had no wish to recover.

Empress Lan arrived, her eyes and cheeks red and swollen. She reported that Guang-hsu had attempted suicide.

Although I could barely sit up, I delivered myself to my son. I wanted him to tell me why.

"I might have been impatient, angry. And yes, I wanted to fire Yung Lu and remove your influence," Guang-hsu said, "but I have never considered taking your life." He fumbled inside his robe and produced a sheaf of papers. "This is my edict to have Kang Yu-wei and his associates arrested and beheaded."

"How do you explain their actions?" I asked.

"I don't know how my reform project turned into assassination plans. Kang proposes one thing and carries out another. I am guilty and deserve to die because I trusted him."

Guang-hsu was more desperate than angry. I wished that he would defend himself and declare his innocence. Although I would never find out the truth, I needed to believe that he was set up. Deep in my heart I knew my child had been taken advantage of.

The bright light in Guang-hsu's eyes disappeared. The Emperor spent days on his knees beseeching me to grant him death. "So the country can move on," he said and wept. "So you can move on. Kang Yu-wei didn't invite himself to the Forbidden City, I did."

He was broken, his eyes sunken and his back hunched. "I am sick of myself and sick of living. Have mercy and pity, Mother."

Before I got a chance to let out my own rage, I was forced to confront Guang-hsu's distress. He refused food and water. Blood was found in his spittoon.

"His Majesty wants to punish himself so badly," Doctor Sun Pao-tien said. "He is willing himself to die. I have seen it in patients before. Once the decision is made, there is no stopping them."

The order to arrest Kang Yu-wei and his associates, signed by Emperor Guang-hsu, stirred the nation. The Ironhats and the court's conservatives took their seats in the Hall of Punishment, where the trial was to begin. They were ready to flex their muscles and teach a brutal lesson.

"The moderates will be hurt once the trial opens," Yung Lu said. "Their names, once exposed, will be linked to the reformers. The Iron-hats are out for blood."

Both Yung Lu and I feared armed confrontation. We received intelligence about plans for a riot, instigated by the Ironhats. It would be led by General Tung's Moslem troops. Tung took his orders from Prince Ts'eng-no friend of the throne.

"Where are General Tung's troops now?" I asked.

"They are camped on the southern outskirts of Peking. If a confrontation occurs, the troops will gallop through the streets of Peking. I am concerned about the British and American legations."

"I can imagine General Tung inviting himself into the Forbidden City. Prince Ts'eng can't wait for the chance to intimidate me. He will force me to dethrone Guang-hsu."

"That is the picture I see too," Yung Lu said.

"A painful tourniquet must be applied to avoid a fatal hemorrhage," I said to Yung Lu. "Present me a list of the must-be-executed and I'll see that the Emperor signs it. I hope it will help stop the popular displeasure that fuels the riot."