I liked your relationship with women. I had settled down. I nurtured my relationship with the beautiful Ghita. I no longer seduced other women. But women were your weakness. An evening without a woman was a failure. A trip wasn't memorable unless you met a new woman. I was astonished when you told me you were getting married. You wanted to join the ranks of married men to be like me, to have both the stability and tensions of married life. We both had marital problems. Neither of our wives ever really accepted our friendship. We stole from them time we should have been spending with them. What you and I shared was spiritual. With our wives, it was sensual above all else.
Thirty years with some eclipses, some moments of silence, some separation due to travel. There were moments that gave us pause, but there were never any doubts. We never called our friendship into question. We always met again with the same gaze, the same strong sense of each other. People thought we agreed on everything. In fact, what gave depth to our relationship was precisely the opposite: it was our different perspectives, our differences of opinion, freely expressed, but without any kind of personal opposition between us. We complemented each other and defended the force that cemented our bond.
I have found our rupture hard to endure. Many times, I almost flew back to Tangier to tell you what I had done. I never had the courage, and then it was too late. I believed in my decision, and I couldn't take it back. When I seemed to be angry with you, talking about the bills for the apartment, I worked hard to be believable, using all my talents as an actor to pull it off. I needed the strength of my conviction.
Now, I return to you your due. Our friendship was a great and beautiful adventure. It does not end with my death. It remains a part of the life you will continue to live.
Mohammed
Tangier, Morocco, July 2003-January 2004