But she can no longer search for her cow Jenny; it is too late now. She must return home. First thing in the morning they will send the boys out to look for the animal; Johan and Harald enjoy hikes in the forest, they have just begun to hunt, they know the places where a cow might hide. Or perhaps Karl Oskar had better go with them, in case the cow is caught somewhere.
Kristina turns homeward on the path. But the fatigue after her day’s many chores falls upon her like a burden, and she sits down to rest on an upthrust root. Weakness still comes over her at times, and against this neither rest nor peace helps. And her thoughts have dwelled upon this: Is there any permanent cure against fatigue other than death?
Is there anything sweeter than to awaken in the morning completely rested?
She sits, surrounded by darkness, on the old tree trunk. She is alone in the wild woods, completely defenseless against anyone wishing to harm her. But she is not afraid. She feels as secure and protected as a child who has climbed up on its mother’s knee.
Nor is she alone. This is a moment of meditation for her, a moment to think over what has just happened to her. For something has happened: She is pregnant again. She has just become sure: God has created a new life in her.
The last time this happened she had sinned gravely, and he chastised her and took back his creation. This time she has received assurance that she is again worthy. She enjoys God’s confidence again. She has received his grace; he trusts her.
The curse has been removed from Kristina and she is again a blessed woman.
One night last month Karl Oskar and Kristina had again become husband and wife, and immediately this had taken place, it must have occurred as soon as it could. It was understandable that it should happen at their first, intense being together. After all, it was as if they had been married for a second time. And these last weeks they had lived like a newly wedded couple, who had long suffered in their impatient expectancy. It is a blissful time that has been granted them. And it began just as spring broke. Her Astrakhan tree was in full bloom then and this seemed to her a good omen.
Kristina is not afraid; all will be well.
As yet only a few days have passed since she learned for sure what had taken place. While she was still uncertain she had not wished to tell Karl Oskar, but now she must no longer delay. She knows in advance how he will take it: It is he who is afraid! She has noticed how worried he has been ever since they started to be together again. She knows him so well, she knows his reactions to one thing or another. In his eyes she has all the time read his anxiety: What have I done? What have I exposed you to? What will happen? When will it happen?
Now it has happened, and he must be told at once. Karl Oskar, who is so afraid of this next childbed — how sorry she feels for him. Now he will be terribly scared, and this she must prevent.
He believes blindly in the Stillwater doctor, that’s why he is concerned about her. He’ll be worried to death now if she doesn’t give him courage. Men can’t stand as much as women. They are more easily frightened by what they fear might happen. She must calm him; all will come out well.
While Kristina sits on the tree trunk this evening in the forest, it comes clearly to her — all that she must say to Karl Oskar: Listen to me now! I have news! I’m pregnant again! You expected it, you know that — you expected it and you were afraid of it! You haven’t said anything but I’ve seen how scared you’ve been. But now you must stop! Now you needn’t fear, because it’s already happened. It’s nothing to worry about — everything will be all right as before. I’ve been with child eight times and all has come out well in the end. Why not this time? Believe me, Karl Oskar, it will!
I have figured out the time — February. Yes, sometime in February, because it happened in May, the very first time, I’m sure. And no wonder — or what do you think, Karl Oskar?
But now you mustn’t worry about it while I have my time of waiting. Please, Karl Oskar, I beg you — don’t worry the least little bit during this time! Don’t feel you’ve done something wrong! It’s no sin to be with your wife, it’s no evil thing to make her pregnant! Your mind must be at rest; you must have the same confidence as I. Why won’t you?
Now you hear what I say, Karl Oskar: Forget what the doctor said! Don’t think about it any more. It only makes you unhappy. Forget it! Cheer up!
All will be well with me when my time comes. Eight times I’ve gone through it successfully. Who has helped me those times? Who do you think? He will help me this time also! You must know I’m in good hands!
So she will speak to Karl Oskar. But what will he answer?
Kristina remains seated on the fallen tree and forgets time. The evening wears on. She begins to feel a chill on her bare legs; some nights in June are chilly. She pulls her skirt around her knees; now she must go home. She hadn’t meant to sit here and rest such a long time. But her mind had been full of her new pregnancy and her worries about Karl Oskar. Now she knows what to say, how to weigh her words when she speaks to him.
She rises and continues homeward on the path. Now it is as dark as it can be in the forest. She can hardly see where to put her foot down. Twigs brush her in the face as she walks, she bends down to avoid them; she must walk slowly in this darkness. But she has tramped this path hundreds of times during the years they have lived here; she knows where it bends and turns, she will not lose it. But she must take slow steps or she might hurt herself against trees or roots.
Still, her foot stumbles and she almost falls.
She regains her balance and is ready to go on when a tall apparition takes shape through the dark. Someone is coming toward her on the path, someone who tramps heavily, in solid, booted feet. A large man takes shape a few feet in front of her.
And Kristina suddenly pulls back a few steps in front of her. Suddenly a weight has fallen on her heart. What is this? Who is this walking on the path?
She takes a few steps backward, her hands on her throat as if in protection. She is utterly still.
The apparition has stopped in front of her.
“I hope I didn’t scare you?”
“Karl Oskar!”
“You’re late — I was getting worried.”
“It turned dark so quickly. .”
“Well, yes, that’s what I thought. That’s why I came. .”
“Have I been looking for the cow so long that you had to look for me!”
“Did you find the cow?”
“No, I didn’t. She might be stuck somewhere. .”
Karl Oskar and Kristina resume their homeward walk on the path. They walk side by side, but the path is so narrow they find it difficult to walk beside each other; at times he must go ahead a bit, then wait for her when the path broadens.
And now as they walk together here in the dark forest she feels the moment has come to tell him:
She tells him what has happened to her, she tells him everything she has thought of while sitting on the tree trunk, she says all in a few minutes, all she has intended to tell him.
Kristina wishes to share with her husband her own unwavering confidence and conviction:
She will survive her ninth childbed.
— 2—
A settler wife’s evening prayer:
. . yes, dear God. . it was terrible. . worse than I had ever feared. . He was frightened beyond reason. Never have I seen him so frightened as tonight. . never! I couldn’t help no matter what I said. Therefore I wish to pray to you, dear God — help me! Help me reassure Karl Oskar! Help me remove the anxiety from him! For he cannot carry on like this all the time till February. .