‘I’m not. I rather thought you were.’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘I see.’ Not that she did. ‘Anyway you don’t want to borrow Old Calabria.’
‘Afterwards, perhaps. If I may?’
‘Of course. If I’m still at the shop.’ Griselda gathered together four wet stockings, like bits of ghosts which had been out in the rain. ‘Good night, Peggy.’
Peggy’s preparations for bed had advanced no further. She jerked into speech. ‘Tell me something, Griselda.’
‘Yes.’
‘Is my bust too large?’
‘Of course it isn’t. It’s much better than having too small a bust like me.’
‘Then it is too large?’
Peggy’s face was white. She was very near tears.
‘It’s larger than most people’s. I wish mine was. It’s a good thing.’
Peggy was visibly making a great effort. ‘I sometimes feel self-conscious about it. Not often.’
Griselda kissed Peggy gently on each breast. Suddenly she felt a hundred years older than Peggy; and oddly enough, glad to be so. ‘Attractiveness is mainly a matter of thoughts.’
Peggy had removed her last garments and was putting on her nightdress. ‘It’s easy for someone as attractive as you to say that. Most men never get as far as a woman’s mind.’
Griselda recalled Louise’s words about fellow feeling. ‘I expect not,’ she said sadly.
‘I’ve decided to do without them. You can if you try. At least I can. It’s not even very difficult.’ Peggy began to brush her teeth.
‘I need someone to love me.’
‘I’m glad to say I don’t. It’s extraordinary how well I do on my own.’
‘I can see there are advantages.’
‘Not that I’m bigoted about it. It’s just what suits me.’
‘I think you’re very wise to do what suits you. But I still think you have a particularly attractive figure. Shall I turn out the light for you?’
‘You’re kind to me, Griselda.’ She was climbing into the divan bed.
‘You’re kind to me. Shall I open the window?’
‘Please. Quite wide.’
‘The sky is full of stars.’
‘More rain, I’m afraid. July is often a wet month, though not so wet as August.’
‘Surely it would mean rain if there were no stars?’
‘It depends. Often it means rain either way.’
‘What a pity! Good night. Peggy dear.’
‘Good night. Griselda.’
Griselda returned to her own room, and, switching on the electric heater, began to dry the two pairs of stockings, to eat chocolate wafers, and to conclude her interesting book.
During the small hours she was awakened by screams and groans from the next room, and deduced that Peggy must be having a nightmare. She reflected that, as a friend, she should intervene; but before thought had turned to action, she was once more dreamlessly sleeping.
XIX
Griselda preferred a light luncheon at Fullers, comparatively dear at the price, to a cheaper and more substantial meal at Lyons or the Express Dairy. Some time after Peggy had invited her to Italy, she was making for Fullers’ shop in Regent Street when she encountered Geoffrey Kynaston. After several days of rain, it had suddenly become humidly hot, and Kynaston was wearing a white shirt, open at the neck, and grey flannel trousers, neither garment being noticeably new, clean, or appealing.
‘Hullo, you,’ he said in the most casual manner.
‘Hullo.’
‘Still alive and kicking after the bust-up?’
‘As you see.’
‘Got some new clothes too. A great improvement, if I may say so.’
Indeed it could not be said that Griselda was saving any money at all. She was not even attempting to do so.
‘Thank you.’
‘I didn’t grasp that you were that way?’
‘What way?’
‘That way.’
‘I’m not. Or not entirely.’
‘I see. Thank you for clearing my mind. I’m not that way at all. I think I told you.’
‘You did.’
‘In the light of your explanation, I’m glad to see you. More glad, I mean, than had it been, as I supposed, otherwise.’
‘I’m glad.’
‘Perhaps we could start something up?’
‘What?’
‘Light refreshments first, I suppose. To judge by your air of purpose. Can you pay for two?’
‘With difficulty.’
‘If you can do it all, you’re better placed than I am. Let’s go.’ There was a second’s pause, and he added: ‘You don’t mind do you? I did feed you at Hodley.’
‘It’s quite all right,’ said Griselda. ‘Come on.’ They advanced up the hot busy pavement
‘You don’t work, if I remember? I suppose you have an allowance?’
‘No.’
‘Not a job after all?’
‘Why not?’
‘How grimly disillusioning.’
‘I’m sorry. How’s dancing?’
‘Packed up. What did you suppose?’
‘It never occurred to me.’
‘It was on its last legs when you arrived. You could see the state of business for yourself.’
‘I’m sorry. What about poetry?’
‘Same as before.’
‘That was better than nothing.’
‘Very little.’
They reached and entered Fullers. Kynaston’s costume was not precisely what the management was used to at that particular branch.
‘What’ll you have?’ enquired Griselda, putting forward the menu.
‘Just a large fruit salad,’ said Kynaston, without looking at it ‘And a cup of Ovaltine or something like that.’ Seated opposite him. Griselda observed that he seemed really emaciated.
‘Wouldn’t you care for something more solid?’
‘Not in this heat.’
There was a pause.
‘How’s Doris?’
‘Down with TB. Never mind about her. I want to know about you. Or are you still uncommunicative? Of course, I see now that you had your reasons. Not that you need have had. I’m utterly sympathetic in principle. I hope you gather that?’
‘Could we talk about something else?’
‘I like masterful women – in fact, I direly need one myself to organize things for me.’
‘I remember.’
‘And, of course, that kind of woman often—’
‘Please could we talk about something else?’
‘I thought that perhaps you would be grateful for an utterly sympathetic listener?’
The arrival of the waitress spared Griselda an answer.
‘There’s no Ovaltine.’
Griselda supposed that he would order Nescafй; but he said ‘A sundae will do. When I’ve finished the fruit.’
‘Which sort of Sundae?’
‘Any sort.’ Later he was brought a sundae costing 3/6. It was the biggest and best
‘Let’s come to realities.’
‘Haven’t we?’ asked Griselda.
‘I mean our joint future.’
‘I’m provided for. I’ve got a job in a bookshop.’
‘You can’t be getting much?’
‘No. But I like the job.’
‘Which shop?’
‘It’s called Tamburlane.’
‘Rather beyond the means of most people who can read. But reputable.’
‘You know it?’
‘By reputation. Tamburlane was the son of pauper parents and raised in the East End. He always wanted to own a bookshop: a morbid respect for learning based on frustration. In the end he made a bit of money out of prospecting in Alaska and got his way. There! I feel well-informed.’
‘Better than I am.’
‘You pick up things like that from the sort of people I’ve mixed with. Where are you living?’
‘Off the Edgware Road.’
‘Do you like it?’
‘Not very much.’
‘Monica Paget-Barlow says there’s a flat in Juvenal Court. It’s not altogether an ideal home, but I expect it’s better than what you’ve got. Possibly the two of us could afford it? That is if I could settle on something which brought in money steadily.’
‘I’m perfectly content where I am.’
‘You mean you’ve not yet had time to get round to the idea of living with me?’
‘Not yet.’
‘You don’t feel equal to organizing me?’
‘Not even myself.’
‘I’m sorry, Griselda. I’m not really heartless.’
At a neighbouring table, a child was sick on the floor. It was impossible to believe that so small a vessel could have held so much.
‘I’m unhappy.’
‘Of course.’
‘I’m glad to have met you. I need a friend.’
‘I’ve always been fond of you, Griselda. You know that.’ He spoke as if his was a hopeless passion of many years standing.
‘Where are you living now?’
‘Friends house me for odd nights.’
‘Are you looking for a job?’
‘The jobs available are mostly rather hell.’
‘I know.’
‘I’m trying to work up my plastic poses.’
‘Do they help?’
‘It’s an extension of Laban’s teaching. But entirely original.’
Across the room a waitress overturned a tray laden with portions of roast veal. She was a pretty girl and several men began to assist her with the re-assembly. But their efforts were competitive and helped very little.
‘Now that I’ve met you I think I’ll close with General Pampero.’
‘Who’s he?’
‘The Liberator of Orinoco. He spent most of his life in exile: naturally in London. The Orinocan Government have just bought the house he lived in. They want someone to curate. Very few Orinocans are allowed out of the country. I know a girl who works in the Embassy. She claimed I was a D.Litt. and got me the offer.’
‘Where’s the house?’
‘Somewhere the other side of Mecklenburgh Square. Quite a healthy neighbourhood.’
‘Why haven’t you moved in already?’
‘I’m afraid of acquiring roots.’
‘You had roots in Hodley.’
Kynaston stopped eating and looked into Griselda’s eyes.
‘Griselda, I suppose you wouldn’t marry me?’
‘I’m in love with someone else.’
‘In love?’
‘Certainly.’
He continued to gaze at her.
‘I’m in love with you.’
‘I doubt it.’
‘Of course I’m in love with you,’ he said with faint irritation. ‘You’re unique.’
Griselda said nothing.
‘Let’s stick to realities. Is there any future to this other business?’
Griselda still said nothing.
‘I mean we’ve both made pretty good messes of our lives so far. I think we should cut our losses.’
‘I’m in love with someone else, Geoffrey.’
‘I have an intensely devoted nature. I could make you happy.’
‘Are you happy yourself?’
‘You could make me.’
‘I expect most married couples have exactly those expectations of each other.’
‘They’re perfectly reasonable expectations. People aren’t designed to be happy in isolation like sentries in boxes.’
He seemed startlingly in earnest.
‘What about Doris?’
‘I’m very fond of little Doris but I don’t want to marry her. Besides, as I told you, she’s got TB.’
‘Does she want to marry you?’
‘She can’t marry anyone. She’s very ill. I can only see her once a week.’
‘You do still see her?’
‘Of course, I do. I’m very fond of her. I’m not a monster.’
‘I’d like to see her some time.’
‘I don’t think you’ve much in common. But you can if you want to.’
‘I suppose we haven’t really.’
‘I am glad you can see it. It’ll save a lot of nervous tension and train fares. Will you come and look at this flat in Juvenal Court?’
‘Won’t you live where you work?’
‘The Orinocans have sublet most of the house. The General’s relics hardly fill two rooms. There’ll be an Orinocan Enquiry Bureau in a third room. That’s me too. An Orinocan trading concern have got the rest. But I can’t afford Juvenal Court without you. It’s quite amusing. Friends of mine live in the other flats. Come and see it this evening. The flat won’t stay empty for ever. I’ll call for you.’
‘Geoffrey,’ said Griselda. ‘I must make it plain to you that the chance of my marrying you is entirely and absolutely nil.’