Go on, get in. Bangs the bedroom door. Flings me around and I. I am stagger, confused. Struck with outrage and filled with but. He is so angry. Worse than I’ve ever seen. Unbuttoning my top, losing patience then. Tears it. Throws it at the floor. Whoa mate, goes the flatmate. Don’t worry, I’ve done this plenty before, bit of drama just adds to the fun so — unless you’re here to talk about your fucking feelings — it’s getting time for pants down mate. Unthumbing his own. Everything. What have I? Going wrong. Too late to dig heels against the moment’s momentum with Flatmate, all sheen-eyed unzipping his fly. Him, half-naked now, catching my eye Still sure about this? And prodded perverse I insist I am! Okay, skirt off next and — don’t fret — I’ll help you work all the geometry out. Then pacing off to arbitrate What, not hard yet mate? Must be the drugs. Need a hand? Flatmate scares back Keep your hands to yourself! Well now, that’s a bit off. I don’t care, I’m not fucking gay. So it’s only her who gets fucked? That hardly seems fair but, I’m — obviously — a very understanding guy so if it’s that you’re feeling shy, you can kiss her first. When Flatmate still prevaricates he gets a shove Go on, get on with it. Yeah, I am, fuck off — taking up my face and kissing my mouth. Great start! he congratulates, slapping the wall Now let’s find out what she really wants. Me? Yes, just say the word and Kiss him, I say like the devil would. He laughs but Flatmate goes No way! No way! I’m not fucking gay! Yeah yeah so you keep saying but — given what she’s about to share — it would be pretty fucking rude to refuse. No! Yes and, come on, be up for it. Then puts his mouth onto the flatmate’s, who squirms and wriggles until he admonishes Stop it, give her what she wants. And something in that makes the flatmate succumb, a while. While, like watching TV, I watch. Strange to my skin, him kissing someone else. Stranger to be on the outside, recreating its taste and. If it’s all just bodies I still only want his, so go wrap my arms round his waist. Lay my head against his back and, wait. Then, like long ago, feel him take my hand. Alright, he says You win. Get off, says the flatmate, from the wall where he’s pinned. He steps back But you’re pretty hard mate, best go ask yourself what that means. Go fuck yourself, poof! He just points to the door Out. With pleasure, Flatmate says — almost crying now — You two are fucking fucked.
And listen to him cursing us right down the hall. Then he lets go my hand, starts putting his pants on. What are you doing? Heading home. Don’t, I say kissing him. Pulling him onto, down on the bed. Stay with me, stay with me. I’m sick of this, he says Do you know how I was before we met? How were you? I was fucking fine. Then go home without me and be fine again. But we kiss instead and he puts himself in and the world closes round us. And I look at him. Let him. Hide in him when it comes, like he’ll help me through it. And he does. And I mind him. I hold him while he lets himself, tracing rivers in the sweat on his back. And, when he lies down on me after, say in his ear Stay every night if you want with me. I don’t want to fuck this about any more, he says But there are things I should probably tell KNOCK What? Flatmate opens the door a crack I think I’m having some kind of attack. He sits up and I expect Fuck off, but Yeah, he says You don’t look so great. Thanks to you, Flatmate complains, fragile, freaked and, before I prevent it, sits down next to me. I think something I took went bad. He reaches for his wrist. Get off! Hey, relax, I’m just taking your pulse, your virtue’s safe with me. Any pain in your chest? No. Arm? No. Stomach? Bit. What have you taken? Litany. Well, go drink something sweet then get into your bed. No don’t make me, Flatmate begs There’s something weird in my room. And even he laughs. Alright, lie down there. Only a while, I add, filled with what might he say? Thanks thanks, Flatmate stretching the very edge while he turns to the wall, reprieved of himself and I lie in, against his back, knowing that’s it for the lee of the night. Still, I stay awake nearly half of it in this weird bed of unsettled men.
*
Banging banging. Wake up! What? Men at the door! Missus at mine Wake up! Wake up! Coming to, he sits up. You all? she says. Long story, he yawns And only slightly what you think. Another batter scaring Flatmate around What the fuck? Will I answer? she worries. What’s going on? I ask into his hip. He nods to my window. Light. Men gawking in. Oh! I cover. But, already there, he passes my knickers asking Missus who they are? Don’t know, she But so so loud. Well, Flatmate says Let’s find out, unkinking into the corridor. No don’t! he calls after Wait! Too late. Opens the door then rotate some exchanges the rest of us can’t quite hear. Voices raise. When Fucking cunt! rings out, he hops from the bed and pulls his jeans on. Buttoning, steps out into the fray. More talking and. What’s going on? Served, he says You’re being evicted I think. Flatmate arguing We paid our rent! It’s not that, it’s the mortgage, didn’t you get the letters? Our landlord doesn’t live here. Then you’ve been had mate. Hall wall punched and Turkish cunt! Calm down, the voice soothes. Fuck you! Flatmate shouts. No need for that mate, we’re just doing our job. Well we’re not leaving, so take your job and fuck off. Sorry mate but that’s going to be you if I have to drag you out myself. Fucking bring it. Hey, take it easy, he says Why don’t you go tell the girls to get dressed? Flatmate effing blinding, bundled back to my room. Don’t fucking need it, the voice grumbles If we get any shit. You won’t, you won’t, you just gave him a fright. What? Worse than waking up next to a naked bloke? causing hilarity in the crowd beyond my window and a forest of Phwoars and thumbs up. He takes it — easy-goingly — I’m sure that didn’t help but seriously, you can see we’re not at fault, can you give us a couple of days? No can do, sorry mate, my hands are tied. A few hours then? No mate I would but I can’t — sounding apologetic enough though for him to try We’ve got a couple of girls in here — you know what they’re like — give me an hour to get them organised and I’ll make sure everyone leaves without a fight. Somehow won, the voice says Alright but after that We’ll be gone, I appreciate it, mate. As they troop down the walkway someone shouts in Nice tits! He looks round my door Sorry, can’t do much once they’re already here, so get your stuff together. You can always come back later, change the locks and you’ve probably got a few weeks before the electricity goes off. Squat, Flatmate nods Nice one mate, and wanders off to his room, tailed by the Missus asking What squat is? Never a dull fucking moment with you, he laughs Come on, you can stay at mine.