She was about to reply when Varien spoke up. I hadn't been paying attention to him, but he sounded sick to his stomach. "Lady Rella, do you tell me that you have killed others of your kind for khaadish?" It made me believe his story just that bit more. He was too old to be that innocent.
"What?" she said.'
"For gold, for money," said Lanen quietly.
Give her credit, Rella looked him in the eye. "Yes, Varien. I have."
He stood up quickly, his arms wrapped around him and pacing a little in front of the fire. He favoured the injured arm a little. "And you, Master Jameth. You have done this as well?"
I looked up at him. "The last man I killed died this autumn past, for he would have killed both Lanen and me. Before that I had not put blade to flesh for thirty years, but in those days, yes, to my soul's darkening I killed for money. It was Lanen's mother Maran who—" I shook myself. No need to go into that now. "Never mind. Yes, I have done so."
He turned and walked without another word into the dark wood. Lanen stood, not knowing whether to stay or go.
"Go after him, girl," said Rella quietly. "If he doesn't need you now, he will soon. And don't let him get far. This isn't a pleasure trip."
Lanen rose and followed Varien into the darkness.
"And so, Mistress Rella," I said, sitting again and warming my hands.
"And so, Master Jameth—though I'll call you Jamie, if I may."
"Jamie is just a horseman, Mistress. He's only ever killed to keep himself alive."
"That suits me. And I'm just Rella." She looked over at me. "I've only ever had the paid duty once, you know. We are all taught any kind of cant we can learn—I thought that one might stand me in good stead."
"It's foul on the tongue and worse on the soul," I answered. The old familiar darkness was coming over me and I did not welcome it. "I left that life hating myself. If it hadn't been for Maran I don't know what I would have done."
"I know. She told me."
I didn't realise my jaw had dropped until Rella told me to close it. She had the grace not to laugh, at least. I finally managed to speak.
"You knew Maran Vena?"
"I still do," she said, smiling briefly. Against all likelihood she had a good smile. "Why do you think I turned up just in time to save young Varien? I might have done so for friendship's sake, true enough, or to pay back the debt I owed the two of them, but I wouldn't have tracked them across the breadth of Kolmar just for the privilege. I'm on duty."
"Sweet Lady. Maran!" I rose and paced much as Varien had done. "Name of—what's she doing in all this?"
Rella raised one corner of her mouth. "She is the girl's mother, after all. Just because she's not here doesn't mean she's not paying attention."
I stared at Rella and realisation struck me like a blow. "Hells' teeth. The Farseer," I breathed. "She's using it to watch over Lanen, and when she saw her leave Hadron-sstead—"
"She hired me. Damn fast, too, and at that I only just made it to the Harvest ship in time." She winked at me. "You're sharp. I can see how you earned your reputation. It wasn't your killing we admired, you know."
I stood silent, my thoughts racing, my heart full of hope one instant and fury the next. When I finally thought I could speak I was about to ask, a question that would tell this woman far too much about me, but I was interrupted by a loud yell from the darkness. We were both moving before the echo stopped; I was the faster, but Rella had had the good sense to grab a burning branch from the fire to bring with us.
Thank the Goddess, Lanen has a good pair of lungs on her.
I had followed Varien at a little distance, leaving him to his thoughts. I know how I had felt when I first learned of the darkness that shadowed Jamie, less than a year past, but if Rella was right, I should be near Varien if he needed me. I was about to call out to him not to go further into the wood when I heard his voice in my mind, very quiet, very sad. "Kadreshi? Are you there?"
"I am here close by, dearling. Say something aloud so I know where you are, it's dark as all the hells out here." I heard his voice away to my left and I hurried to join him, though it wasn't easy or fast. There were tree roots everywhere, hidden under a blanket of dead leaves, just waiting to catch an ankle. I all but fell into him in the darkness. He caught me up in his arms and held me close. I didn't speak, just held him tight to me and kept quiet. This had to come from him.
"By all that's sacred, Lanen," he said, his voice deep and rough with the hurt. "Your heart's father is one who kills for his livelihood. This is a deep evil. I tell you truly, dear one, it weighs on my soul and my sight is darker even than this night. How can you bear it? How can he?"
I was trying to be understanding but it was hard. I knew the Kantri killed my people without a thought. "Varien, you must remember that this all happened long ago. He told you, he gave up that life long since. Surely that tells in his favour? He told me that he was paid very well indeed, he could have lived like a nobleman if he chose, but he did not choose. When he met my mother he had already decided to leave that life."
Varien stood away from me. "Forgive me, dearling. I knew the Gedri killed one another, those who chose to follow the path of the Rakshasa—but to kill for no reason! To be the claw of another, without even the poor excuse of fury or the saving of one's own life ... name of all the Winds, I cannot bear it."
"Do the Kantri never kill one another?" I asked, trying to control myself. I could feel my temper rising. I loved him dearly, but who was he to judge Jamie?
"No. Never since time began has one of the Kindred killed another," he said passionately. "It is a deed worthy of the Rakshasa." I could barely see him, but it looked as if he had wrapped his arms around himself.
That did it.
"It might well be," I said sharply. "Remember, we Gedri are the ones with a choice. Very well, it's true, Jamie chose wrongly all those years ago, but he has done better since. We have all our short lives to get it right, and Jamie did so before I was born. I'd be dead if it weren't for him. And you'd be dead if it weren't for Rella taking out that merc behind your back."
"She killed to save my life, not for pay!" he answered, stung.
"Probably," I said. "But he's just as dead. Have you thanked her for saving your life?"
"Too late," said a deep voice I'd never heard before. I screamed as a dark shadow lunged towards Varien.
I drew my boot knife and stabbed as hard as I could, but I could feel the blade being turned off the stroke. Whoever it was wore a thick leather jerkin for the purpose. "Varien!" I yelled, trying to pull the dark shape off of him.
I might as well have saved my breath.
I'd forgotten just how strong he Was.
I heard a grunt and saw the shape being tossed back into shadow and crashing into the undergrowth. "Are you hurt?" I asked, helping Varien up with my free hand while staring wildly into the darkness round about us.
"There are others. Watch and ward, Lanen."
"Jamie! To me!" I cried, loud as I could.
"Lanen!" cried Jamie, already close, and there was light from somewhere, I could see a little. A shadow on the far side of the light drew back. Rella threw down the burning branch she carried and drew us all back from the light towards our own fire, just visible in the distance. "Jamie, you're point, you two in the middle, back to the camp, go!"