“I hate jogging. Can’t you just put me on a diet?”
We are doing that too. I threw out all your frozen dinners.
“What?!” Roen protested angrily with the toothbrush still in his mouth. “That’s supposed to last me the whole week!”
They are also the reason why you huff and puff walking up stairs.
“Wait, how did you throw my stuff out?”
Quit stalling and get dressed, and bring some cash too.
“Ooh, are we going to breakfast?”
Roen finished washing up and rummaged through his closet for anything resembling workout clothes. He finally found an old pair of basketball shorts and a shirt he hadn’t worn in years. They fit him like a bodysuit. Feeling ridiculous, he grabbed a small wad of cash from his desk and left the apartment building. He shivered in the cool wet morning and frowned as he walked down the street. There was a gentle breeze coming from the lake, and the grass was wet from a thick layer of dew. The eerie morning calm was unsettling.
“Where’re we going?”
Down this street and make a right. Run until you hit the lake.
“What! The lake? You’re crazy.”
You are the one talking to yourself.
“Don’t make me regret thinking I’m sane.”
Hush. Just run.
Roen began jogging at a slow pace down the street. This was the first time in years he remembered voluntarily jogging. Except for that time he was chased by a rabid dog, the last time he remembered running was back in high school. And since neither the run from the dog nor the one in high school was actually optional, this could be the first time he ever voluntarily ran. Now that he thought about it, this morning jog wasn’t much of a choice either.
His chest and legs were burning before he reached the end of the block, and he slowed even more. Roen passed by a café, where the smell of hot coffee and breakfast beckoned. His stomach growled, unused to not being fed first thing in the morning.
“It hurts, Tao. Since this is my first time, can I turn back now?”
You want to quit already?
“Yes. I mean, no. I mean, I’m tired. Besides, this is embarrassing. People are laughing at me.”
Forget about them and stop making excuses to fail.
“I’m not. I’m just being practical. Come on, I look idiotic.”
I remember you saying that you were disappointed in how your life turned out and that you used to think that you could have made something of yourself.
“Yeah, so?”
Do you know why that never came true?
“Because my parents forced me to study engineering in college and I had a string of bad luck. It’s not my fault I’m in a job I can’t leave. I have responsibilities now.”
You can always leave your job if you choose to. No one forces you to go to work. They do not lock you up at night. Stop blaming your job and your family for your problems. I have looked into your past, Roen. The problem is you do not seize opportunities when they present themselves. You always quit before things get hard.
Roen stopped running halfway across the bridge over the interstate and leaned over the railing’s edge, trying to catch his breath. “That’s not true! I wasn’t given the chance to succeed. If this is supposed to be a pep talk, you suck at it.”
It is not supposed to be a pep talk. You have had plenty of opportunities in life. You could have chosen to do anything you wanted in college, but you chose the safe route. You could have moved out of the city, but you were afraid of exploring new places. When you hated your job, you could have chosen other pursuits, but you were too lazy. You made your own bed, and now curse others for putting you there.
“You don’t know me. You don’t know what I had to go through. You go to hell!”
But I do know you. I have searched your thoughts and memories. Tao’s sympathy just infuriated Roen even more. I know what haunts you and what regrets you stow away. I find it very sad that you have more regrets in life than happy memories.
“Screw you! I didn’t ask for this, and I don’t need this,” Roen screamed over the noise of the passing cars underneath. “You asshole! Just get out!” Several runners passing glanced his way, and then pretended he didn’t exist. A few apparently decided to stay clear of him and crossed the street.
“What are you looking at,” he yelled at them. “Never saw a fat guy run before?”
Get a hold of yourself.
“You know what? You go find yourself a new pet project. I’m going home.” Roen was so angry that he could barely see through the stinging tears in his eyes. He turned and began to walk back toward his apartment. “You don’t know what it’s like being me.”
But I do, Roen. I know what you are feeling. I know about your childhood, about being the awkward boy that always got picked on. How you always feel like you are being judged for your weight. Why you look at the ground so much when you walk down the street, ashamed to make eye contact.
Roen kept up his angry gait which was almost as fast as his jogging pace. Perhaps if he ignored this so-called alien’s presence, it would just go away. Maybe he should find a priest and get an exorcism. But then, that would bring back the argument about whether he was sane or not. No matter what he tried, however, he could not keep Tao’s voice out of his head. His frustration mounted.
“I bet you’re like everyone else out there. You probably just possess rich or good-looking people or someone with six-pack abs or some football player. I’m nothing. You probably think you got shafted with such a crappy host.”
That is not true. You have potential. I know it. Tao chuckled, or what amounted to a chuckle from a Quasing. You are really no different from several of my early hosts. Their situations were a bit different than yours, but all three of you share similar angst.
“You mean they were fat with a dead-end job?”
No, they came from wealthy, noble families, but all of you were big babies. The difference is that they learned to overcome their insecurities and grew to be powerful men.
“That’s the stupidest comparison I’ve ever heard.” Roen stopped walking and collapsed on a wooden bench. His chest was throbbing, though he wasn’t sure whether it was from physical exertion or boiling anger.
You underestimate yourself, as always. As I was saying, Vercingetorix was once very much like you are now.
“What? Vercinge… is that a person or a medical disorder?”
Have a little respect for a past host. It is their combined experiences and memories that can make you great. Many of my hosts were great figures in history that changed the course of mankind. The very least you could do is be respectful.
“Whatever,” Roen grumbled as he leaned back and looked up at the sky. It was getting brighter as the sun appeared on the horizon, bathing the city with a soft yellow glow. He took a few minutes to admire the pretty hues. It wasn’t often he got the chance to see the sun rise. After several moments, he finally calmed down, being too tired to stay angry. “So what does this Vercing guy have to do with me?”
He was much like you when I first transitioned with him. He had much but was not satisfied. He had principles, but was not strong enough to follow them, at least at first.
“So what happened? Did you convince him to listen to you, and he discovered a cure for the bubonic plague or something?”
A cure for the Black Death was not discovered until the 1930s. Vercingetorix was a Gaul who united his people and became king at the age of seventeen. He rallied them together and was able to give Caesar one of his rare defeats.