Or to any bloody place, come to that. They would all be equally sensible or senseless. And it wouldn’t matter one way or another, it wouldn’t matter at all. Perhaps it would be easier if we were in jail, I wondered this inhospitable morning. If we had narrower horizons, and there was somebody taking care of us. We need a plan, I thought, both me and my dog. We need a path to be following during the whole of the winter.
Or a jigsaw puzzle with five thousand pieces. Why not?
I had anticipated these bleak moments, of course I had: during the whole of that hazy journey through Europe I had been aware that this would happen — but what good did foreseeing it do? We know we are going to die one of these days, but how are we helped by knowing that as a fact?
And I must stop judging Castor in accordance with the same criteria I use for myself. No doubt there is a difference in our ways of thinking about which I haven’t the slightest idea. Or perhaps this is exactly what dogs spend all their time thinking about?
Muddy Paws Welcome
Castor stood up on his hind legs and sniffed at the notice. It was a quarter past seven. Voices could be heard from inside the pub, a man and a woman — a bit casual, slow, tired, like an elderly couple who have been talking to each other for very many years. We went inside and looked around. The woman’s voice was that of the barmaid: a copy or perhaps a sister of the woman I had met in the village shop the previous day, rosy-faced and as tough-looking as a kettle-holder. The man, also in his sixties, was sitting in front of a steaming plate of dinner and a glass of beer at one of the window tables.
Checked flannel shirt. Thinning hair and somewhat skinny, an Adam’s apple like a bird’s beak. The most noticeable thing about his face was his spectacles.
‘Aha, a stranger!’ he said.
‘Welcome,’ said the barmaid. ‘Both of you. It’s a bit rough out there.’
I felt a quick rush of gratitude. For the fact that they started talking to me. But that’s what people do in this country, and my existence was thereby confirmed. Castor’s as well. He wagged his tail a few times, walked over and rubbed up against the man with his nose, who stroked his head gently. The way one should — no hard pats: it was clear that he’d dealt with dogs before. I felt grateful for that as well.
‘My dog Winston died last spring,’ he said. ‘I haven’t got round to acquiring a new one.’
‘You have to finish mourning their loss first,’ said the woman. ‘They are worth that kind of respect.’
‘Absolutely right,’ said the man.
‘Absolutely right,’ I said. The image of Martin on the beach flashed before my mind’s eye, but I shoved him to one side.
‘You’re passing through, I take it,’ said the woman.
‘Not really,’ I said. ‘I’m renting a house just outside the village for the winter. Darne Lodge, maybe you know it?’
The man shook his head but the woman nodded. ‘Up there?’ she said. ‘Above Halse Farm, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, that’s the place.’
‘For the winter?’
‘Yes.’
‘Isn’t it old Mr Tawking who looks after it?’
‘Mr Tawking, yes, that’s right.’
‘And you’re going to live there all this winter?’
‘Yes, that’s the plan. I have a piece of writing I need to work on.’
She laughed. ‘Well, if it’s being left alone you need, you’ve come to the right place. But forgive me. What would you like to drink? I sometimes forget that I’m working in a pub.’
‘You’ll get used to it eventually,’ said the man. ‘You’ve only been working here for thirty years.’
‘Thirty-two,’ said the woman. ‘We do a very good shepherd’s pie, if you fancy something to eat. That’s right, isn’t it, Robert?’
‘Not bad at all, it has to be said,’ replied Robert, eyeing his portion intently. He had only just begun eating it. ‘I’ve tasted worse. I can’t quite remember when and where, but I think it might have been in-’
He was interrupted by somebody else coming in through the door.
‘Good evening, Henry,’ said the woman. ‘Pretty rough weather out there.’
Robert shrugged and started eating. The newly arrived customer — a short, slim man aged about thirty-five — nodded a greeting to all three of us, and smiled when he noticed Castor, who had already stretched himself out on the floor in front of the radiator. ‘A nice dog. Yes, winter’s on the way.’
‘Can you wait a minute, Henry,’ said the woman. ‘I must just see to our new guest first. Would you like to try the pie? There’s steak and kidney as well, of course. And a few other things.’
‘Shepherd’s pie sounds good,’ I said. ‘And a glass of red wine, I think.’
‘Excellent,’ said the woman. ‘My name’s Rosie, by the way. It’s always nice to have a new face around.’
‘What’s wrong with our faces?’ asked Robert, his mouth half-full. Henry, who actually looked as if he might be Robert’s younger brother, or even his son, took off his jacket and hung it on a hook on the wall. I received my glass of wine and sat down at one of the four empty tables in the bar. Castor raised his head and wondered if he ought to move a little closer to me, but decided it was more comfortable by the radiator.
‘Anyway,’ said the man called Henry. He seemed a little more shy, somewhat more introvert than the other two, Robert and Rosie. ‘Mrs Simmons managed to get away to the hospital after all.’
‘Thank God for that,’ said Rosie.
‘And not a day too soon, if you ask me,’ said Robert.
‘Nobody’s asking you,’ said Rosie. ‘How’s George?’ she added.
‘I don’t really know,’ said Henry. ‘But at least he said he was going to take the opportunity of throwing out that sofa.’
‘About time,’ said Robert. ‘The cat’s been pissing on it for the last ten years.’
‘George is the nicest man I’ve ever met,’ said Rosie as she poured out a glass of beer for Henry.
‘Except when he’s watching football,’ said Robert. ‘Then he’s like a male gorilla with toothache.’
Henry sat down on one of the barstools. They continued talking about Mrs Simmons and George, the sofa and the cat, for a while. All the time they avoided using Mrs Simmons’s first name, whatever it was, and I wondered why. But I didn’t ask. I sipped my wine and started leafing through my Exmoor guidebook. I thought that if I really was going to stay here for the winter I would eventually discover all kinds of connections and contexts that I didn’t have a clue about just now. Perhaps Robert and Rosie and Henry had spent the whole of their lives in this village. Mrs Simmons and George as well. And the cat and the sofa. For several minutes none of the others seemed to pay any attention to the fact that I was sitting there, and I wondered if it was up to me to make some kind of move. To ask about something or other — but before I hit upon something a young girl appeared with my food. She was dark-haired and pretty, twenty-five at most, and somehow or other it was obvious that she didn’t really belong here.
‘You can take out those bottles when you’ve finished with the rest of it,’ said Rosie. The girl curtseyed, and returned to the inner regions.
‘It’s hard to get good staff,’ said Rosie to nobody in particular.
Robert cleared his throat and looked as if he was about to say something, but nothing came of it. Rosie switched on the television, which was attached to the wall high up under the ceiling. All four of us gaped at a sports quiz for half a minute — not Castor, he was asleep — then Rosie switched off.
‘Does it taste all right?’
I had eaten only two mouthfuls so far, but assured her that it was absolutely delicious.
‘She’s good in the kitchen in any case,’ said Robert.
‘Not only there, unfortunately,’ said Rosie, and I gathered that she had other sides in addition to the rose-tinted one.
I stayed at The Royal Oak for nearly two hours, and drank a second glass of red wine. While I was sitting there three other customers arrived. A young couple only stayed long enough to drink whatever it was they had ordered, but soon after they left a man of indeterminate age came in. He was tall and lanky with dark, slightly tousled hair, and sat down at the table next to mine with a pint of ale and a portion of cod and chips.