He was seventeen then. A year later he reached the so-called age of maturity, and fell off that balcony.
I adjusted the pillow against the side window and started thinking about Synn.
9
‘Mark,’ he said. ‘My name’s Mark Britton. I can see that you have a shadow over you.’
Those were the first words he spoke, and I wasn’t sure I had heard them correctly.
‘I beg your pardon,’ I said. ‘What did you say?’
He had eaten the rest of his food. Now he slid the plate to one side and turned towards me. We were sitting at neighbouring tables, with about a metre between us. Rosie had switched the television on again, but turned the sound down to almost zero. Two men in white shirts and black waistcoats were playing snooker.
‘A shadow,’ he repeated. ‘You must forgive me, but I notice things like that.’
He smiled and reached out his hand. I hesitated for a second before shaking it and telling him my name.
‘Maria.’
‘You’re not from round here, I take it?’
‘No.’
‘Travelling through?’
‘No, I’m renting a house for the winter just outside the village.’
‘For the winter?’
‘Yes. I’m a writer. I need some peace and quiet.’
He nodded. ‘I’m familiar with peace and quiet. And I read quite a bit.’
‘What did you mean by “a shadow”?’
He smiled again. He seemed reserved and friendly, and gave the impression of being a reliable person. I’m not sure what I mean by that epithet, or how I justify it, but he reminded me vaguely of a religious studies teacher I had at secondary school. It’s a reflection I’m making now with hindsight, as I am writing — not something I hit upon as we were sitting there in The Royal Oak. I don’t remember what he was called, that teacher, but I recall that he had a daughter who was confined to a wheelchair.
I also wonder what made me start talking to this Mark Britton so casually. It wasn’t just my loneliness crying out for somebody to make contact with, anybody at alclass="underline" there was a simple straightforwardness about him, not a trace of that typically male scheming that is so prevalent and about as hard to perceive as an elephant under a handkerchief. Despite everything I am aware that I can still be regarded as an attractive woman. Even if Mr Britton must surely be several years younger than me.
‘May I join you?’
‘Please do.’
He took with him his half-empty glass and sat down facing me. I had the impression that both Rosie and Robert were watching us, but trying to give the impression of not doing so. Henry was also still there in his corner, but absorbed by his newspaper and something which looked like a horseracing programme. I observed my new table-mate furtively. He had long, slightly unruly hair, but I thought nevertheless that he looked civilized. By civilized I suppose I mean that he looked as if he was at home in an urban environment rather than on a moor out in the sticks. Perhaps he had just been to visit his ancient mother and was on his way back to London, I thought. Or a sister, or a brother-in-law, who knows? Anyway, a dark red shirt, open at the neck, and over it a blue pullover. Quite tall, on the slim side, clean shaven. Deep-set eyes that were perhaps a fraction too close together. His voice was deep and pleasant — he could well be an actor or even a radio announcer. Or possibly even a television presenter, if he paid a visit to a barber. I smiled at the latter thought, and he asked what I found amusing.
‘Nothing.’ I shrugged. ‘It was just a passing twitch.’
Castor noticed that I had acquired a companion and came over to our table. Sniffed casually at Mr Britton, yawned and found a new place on the floor.
‘Your dog?’
‘Yes.’
‘What’s he called?’
‘Castor.’
He nodded, and we sat without speaking for a few seconds.
‘Anyway, my assertion about a shadow,’ he said eventually. ‘It wasn’t just something I said in an attempt to appear interesting — I hope you understand that. I could have said “aura”, but people are usually scared of that word.’
I thought for a moment, then maintained I wasn’t especially afraid of auras, but didn’t believe in them. I asked if people were less scared of shadows.
‘They are in fact, yes,’ he said. ‘Anyway, I see an absent husband and a house in the south — but we don’t need to go into that. You’ve just arrived here, I take it? I’ve never seen you around before, in any case.’
I noticed that my pulse started racing and that I needed to gain time. Absent husband? A house in the south? But I couldn’t see how I could make use of any time I gained.
‘I arrived a few days ago,’ I said. ‘What about you? Do you live here?’
‘Not far outside the village.’
‘It’s beautiful here.’
‘Yes. Beautiful and lonely. At this time of year, at least.’
‘Some people prefer loneliness.’
He smiled slightly. ‘Yes, we do. Have you been in these parts before?’
‘Never.’
And so he began talking about the moor. Slowly and almost hesitantly, without my prompting him. About places, walks, the mists. And how he actually preferred this time of year, autumn and winter, when there were not so many tourists about. He sometimes spent whole days out on the moor, he told me, from dawn to dusk, preferably without a map or a compass, preferably without really knowing where he was.
‘Trout Hill,’ he said, ‘above Doone Valley, or Challacombe — you can learn a lot up there. You can get lost on the moor, of course you can: but if you don’t get lost you can’t find yourself.’
He laughed slightly ironically, and stroked back his hair, which occasionally fell down and covered half his face. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to impress me with what he was saying, but it didn’t seem so. Nor did he offer me any services, didn’t ask if I needed a guide or somebody who could pass on tips about places or paths. He just warned me to be careful, and explained that when the mists fell even the wild ponies could get lost. If you were caught out by the mist, it could often be better simply to stay where you were and hope that it would soon lift. Assuming you had suitable clothes, of course: if you felt cold it was always better to keep moving.
I asked if he was born on Exmoor, and he said he was. Not quite here in Winsford, but in Simonsbath, a bit higher up and more or less in the middle of the moor. He had moved away when he started at university, but came back ten years ago. As he worked with computers it didn’t matter where he lived: twenty years of city life and stress was quite enough for him, he maintained.
He said nothing about his family. Didn’t say if he had any children or had anything that could be described as ‘personal relationships’. I suspected he might be gay: he had precisely the frankness that heterosexual men usually lack. Even if he showed noticeably little interest in my circumstances.
I didn’t ask him about details, of course not, and while he was talking I gained the time I needed. I was able to decide how much of my own personal circumstances I was prepared to reveal.
Not very much, I concluded. And I stuck to that line.
Maria Anderson, a writer from Sweden. I think I even man-aged to convince him that I wrote under a pseudonym. I told him I was living just outside Winsford, but I didn’t go into precisely where.
What sort of books do you write? he wanted to know.
Novels.
No, I was not a well-known name, especially not outside Sweden. But I managed to keep going. I had been awarded some kind of scholarship for a year, and that was why I was here on Exmoor.
‘And you intend to write about the moor, do you?’
‘I think so.’
Then I asked him what he had meant by that reference to a shadow, an absent husband and a house in the south.
‘I can’t help it. I can see into people’s minds, that’s the basic truth of the matter. It’s always been the case.’
We’d had our glasses refilled. He had another dark beer, and I had a drop more red wine.