Garraty's head seemed to be playing jazz. Dave Brubeck, Thelonius Monk, Cannonball Adderly - the Banned Noisemakers that everybody kept under the table and played when the party got noisy and drunk.
It seemed that he had once been loved, once he himself had loved. But now it was just jazz and the rising drumbeat in his head and his mother had only been stuffed straw in a fur coat, Jan nothing but a department store dummy. It was over. Even if he won, if he managed to outlast McVries and Stebbins and Baker, it was over. He was never going home again.
He began to cry a little bit. His vision blurred and his feet tangled up and he fell down. The pavement was hard and shockingly cold and unbelievably restful. He was warned twice before he managed to pick himself up, using a series of drunken, crablike motions. He got his feet to work again. He broke wind-along, sterile rattle that seemed to bear no relationship at all to an honest fart.
Baker was zigging and zagging drunkenly across the road and back. McVries and Stebbins had their heads together. Garraty was suddenly very sure they were plotting to kill him, the way someone named Barkovitch had once killed a faceless number named Rank.
He made himself walk fast and caught up with them. They made room for him wordlessly, (You've stopped talking about me, haven't you? But you were. Do you think I don't know? Do you think I am nuts?), but there was a comfort. He wanted to be with them, stay with them, until he died.
They passed a sign now which seemed to summarize to Garraty's dumbly wondering eyes all the screaming insanity there might be in the universe, all the idiot whistling laughter of the spheres, and this sign read: 49 MILES TO BOSTON! WALKERS YOU CAN MAKE IT! He would have shrieked with laughter if he had been able. Boston! The very sound was mythic, rich with unbelievability.
Baker was beside him again. “Garraty?”
“What?”
“Are we in?"
"Huh?'
“In, are we in? Garraty, please.”
Baker's eyes pleaded. He was an abattoir, a raw-blood machine.
“Yeah. We're in. We're in, Art.” He had no idea what Baker was talking about. “I'm going to die now, Garraty.”
“All right.”
“If you win, will you do something for me? I'm scairt to ask anyone else.” And Baker made a sweeping gesture at the deserted road as if the Walk was still rich with its dozens. For a chilling moment Garraty wondered if maybe they were all there still, walking ghosts that Baker could now see in his moment of extremis.
“Anything.”
Baker put a hand on Garraty's shoulder, and Garraty began weeping uncontrollably. It seemed that his heart would burst out of his chest and weep its own teats.
Baker said, “Lead-lined.”
“Walk a little bit longer,” Garraty said through his teeth. “Walk a little longer, Art.”
“No - I can't.”
“All right.”
“Maybe I'll see you, man,” Baker said, and wiped slick blood from his face absently.
Garraty lowered his head and wept.
“Don't watch 'em do it,” Baker said. “Promise me that, too.”
Garraty nodded, beyond speech.
“Thanks. You've been my friend, Garraty.” Baker tried to smile. He stuck his hand blindly out, and Garraty shook it with both of his.
“Another time, another place,” Baker said.
Garraty put his hands over his face and had to bend over to keep walking. The sobs ripped out of him and made him ache with a pain that was far beyond anything the Walk had been able to inflict.
He hoped he wouldn't hear the shots. But he did.
CHAPTER 18
“I proclaim this year's Long Walk at an end. Ladies and gentlemen — citizens - behold your winner!”
They were forty miles from Boston.
“Tell us a story, Garraty,” Stebbins said abruptly. “Tell us a story that will take our minds off our troubles.” He had aged unbelievably; Stebbins was an old man.
“Yeah,” McVries said. He also looked ancient and wizened. “A story, Garraty.”
Garraty looked from one to the other dully, but he could see no duplicity in their faces, only the bone-weariness. He was falling off his own peak now; all the ugly, dragging pains were rushing back in.
He closed his eyes for a long moment. When he opened them, the world had doubled and came only reluctantly back into focus. “All right,” he said.
McVries clapped his hands solemnly, three times. He was walking with three warnings; Garraty had one; Stebbins, none.
“Once upon a time—”
“Oh, who wants to hear a fucking fairy story?” Stebbins asked.
McVries giggled a little.
“You'll hear what I want to tell you!” Garraty said shrewishly. “You want to hear it or not?”
Stebbins stumbled against Garraty. Both he and Stebbins were warned. “I s'pose a fairy story's better than no story at all.”
“It's not a fairy story, anyway. Just because it's in a world that never was doesn't mean it's a fairy story. It doesn't mean—”
“Are you gonna tell it or not?” McVries asked pettishly.
“Once upon a time,” Garraty began, “there was a white knight that went out into the world on a Sacred Quest. He left his castle and walked through the Enchanted Forest—”
“Knights ride,” Stebbins objected.
“Rode through the Enchanted Forest, then. Rode. And he had many strange adventures. He fought off thousands of trolls and goblins and a whole shitload of wolves. All right? And he finally got to the king's castle and asked permission to take Gwendolyn, the famous Lady Fair, out walking.”
McVries cackled.
“The king wasn't digging it, thinking no one was good enough for his daughter Gwen, the world-famous Lady Fair, but the Lady Fair loved the White Knight so much that she threatened to run away into the Wildwoods if... if...” A wave of dizziness rode over him darkly, making him feel as if he were floating. The roar of the crowd came to him like the boom of the sea down a long, coneshaped tunnel. Then it passed, but slowly.
He looked around. McVries's head had dropped, and he was walking at the crowd, fast asleep.
“Hey!” Garraty shouted. “Hey, Pete! Pete!”
“Let him alone,” Stebbins said. “You made the promise like the rest of us.”
“Fuck you,” Garraty said distinctly, and darted to McVries's side. He touched McVries's shoulders, setting him straight again. McVries looked up at him sleepily and smiled. “No, Ray. It's time to sit down.”
Terror pounded Garraty's chest. “No! No way!”
McVries looked at him for a moment, then smiled again and shook his head. He sat down, cross-legged on the pavement. He looked like a world-beaten monk. The scar on his cheek was a white slash in the rainy gloom.
“No!” Garraty screamed.
He tried to pick McVries up, but, thin as he was, McVries was much too heavy. McVries wouldn't even look at him. His eyes were shut. And suddenly two of the soldiers were wrenching McVries away from him. They were putting their guns to McVries's head.
“No!” Garraty screamed again. “Me! Me! Shoot me!”
But instead, they gave him his third warning.
McVries opened his eyes and smiled again. The next instant, he was gone.
Garraty walked unknowingly now. He stared blankly at Stebbins, who stared back at him curiously. Garraty was filled with a strange, roaring emptiness.
“Finish the story,” Stebbins said. “Finish the story, Garraty.”
“No,” Garraty said. “I don't think so.”
“Let it go, then,” Stebbins said, and smiled winningly. “If there are such things as souls, his is still close. You could catch up.”