“It was the turning point in my life.” She laughed, quite joyously. She was quite different from the woman who had come to us not so long ago. It was as though the facade which she had built up to mask her feelings was evaporating. “And to think how frightened I was when I came here,” she went on. “I remember sitting downstairs and facing your parents …” A shadow crept across her face. “Do you think your parents will accept this?”
I was not sure. I remembered the talk of the Merridew and Egham girls. I wondered what their reaction would be. My parents attitude towards Christabel had made me speculate at first. My father had seemed anxious that she should settle in and had been considerate towards her, showing a little more interest than I should have thought was warranted. My mother would always be considerate to anyone who came into the household, but I fancy she regarded her with some suspicion, and I could see she often wondered why my father had brought her to us.
No, I was not at all sure what their reaction would be, but I had no wish to alarm Christabel out of her happiness, which it gave me great pleasure to contemplate.
So I said: “I am sure they will want Edwin to be happy, and Edwin is now of age.”
She seemed satisfied with that and sat talking for about half an hour of this dangerous mission of ours, and we laughed over our alarms and congratulated ourselves on doing rather well.
After she had gone I felt the euphoria die out of me.
I wondered what would be the outcome for us both—Christabel with Edwin who might have to face opposition, and myself who loved a fugitive who was at this moment hiding behind an assumed name.
My parents had returned to the house and as was usual on such occasions there was to be a celebration to welcome them back. Consequently the house was full of the smells of savoury pies and roasting meats. Ellen was bustling around, full of importance. Chastity came in to help and all was activity.
We were all in the hall to greet them—myself, Carl, Edwin, Leigh and Christabel, who hovered in the background.
My mother embraced me warmly. My father scarcely looked at me but he studied Carl carefully. We were all a little anxious about Carl, although we had warned him to be careful. He could so easily betray what we had done, although he would try not to. His thoughts were now full of the falcon, though, and there was a new interest because Pollux was going to have puppies. I felt the old resentment rising. My father looked so distinguished, so different from all other men; I was so proud of him. Whenever I saw him after an absence I noticed these things about him even more than usual, and I longed for one look of approval or even of interest. It never came. He was aware of me to some extent, of course. He knew he had a daughter; he remembered my name, but I guessed he was not sure of my age—whereas he knew everything concerning Carl.
His first remark was: “I believe the boy’s grown a few inches.”
“One and a half,” said Carl. “It’s by the cupboard, truly.”
He was referring to the schoolroom cupboard where his height had been measured throughout his life. There were others there too—those of Edwin and my own father, for both of them had been brought up at Eversleigh. Carl’s ambition was to top his father. I sometimes thought my father wanted him to do that too. I felt hurt that girls should be considered of such small account because of their sex and I was almost glad that I had been involved in something of which I believed he would not have approved.
“That’s good. You’ll be almost as tall as I am one day,” said my father.
“I’m going to be taller,” boasted Carl. It was the sort of attitude which pleased my father. He gave my brother an affectionate push.
My mother slipped her arm through mine. She always seemed as if she wanted to make up for my father’s neglect of me, but I really should have preferred it if she had pretended not to notice.
There was a certain normality about the house now that they had returned and I realized how difficult it would have been to have hidden Jocelyn if they had been at home. I had been wearing the ring round my neck that day, and for the evening I put on a dress which exposed my arms and neck, so I took it off and put it carefully away in a drawer behind some linen.
I met my mother on the way down and she started to tell me about the new hairstyles they were using at Court.
“They’re wearing loose curls on the forehead. It’s all curls. I don’t think the forehead ones would suit you, but I like the style with the hair caught up with a ribbon to hang at the side of the face. These curls are called heartbreakers. They are supposed to be alluring.” She had turned to me and touched my light brown hair, which was fine but abundant and certainly not inclined to be curly.
“Oh,” she went on, “what’s that mark on your skin? I see. It’s that chain of yours. It’s left quite a mark. It’s been pressing on your skin. I didn’t notice you were wearing the chain today.”
“I … I … er I was,” I said. I hoped I was not flushing as I feared I might be.
“But I didn’t see it, darling.”
“Oh, I was wearing it … for a time.”
It was only a small matter, but it was an indication of how careful one had to be. She might begin to wonder and realize that I had been wearing the chain under my bodice. Now why should a girl want to wear a gold chain so that it did not show!
Over the meal my father talked a great deal about what was going on at Court. Monmouth seemed certain that he would get his father to legitimatize him.
“The best thing possible,” commented my father. “It’ll put York’s nose out of joint and that’s the best place for that to be.”
Edwin asked: “Have you spoken to the King about it?”
“I? My dear fellow, Charles would not listen to me or anyone. I’d be told—with the utmost good humour of course—to mind my own business. And, who knows, in a short time there might be a cooling of royal favour. No, Charles knows what he is going to do and nobody’s going to persuade him. He’s insisting at the moment that he was never married to Lucy Walter and that Monmouth is therefore a bastard.”
“In that case,” said Leigh, “our next King must be James.”
“There will be some who will not accept that because it means Popery.”
“What’s happening to Titus Oates?”
“He’s still in Whitehall. There have been certain voices raised against him. He’s not the most popular man in the country.”
“Do you think that if he falls out of favour all this persecution of Catholics will stop?” I asked.
My father turned to look at me and I was deeply conscious of his cool, appraising gaze. I felt bitter. I wished he could have looked at me with interest just once.
He shrugged his shoulders. “Charles is not interested really. He’s the most tolerant man alive. He loathes all the fuss.”
“Then why doesn’t he do something about it?” I cried impatiently.
“Too lazy,” said Leigh. “But he did save the Queen. Oates would have had the axe for her if he could have arranged it.”
“He’s a beast!” I cried.
My mother said: “It will pass. These things always do.”
“Yes,” I retorted passionately, “but in the meantime people are being hunted and executed. It’s cruel.”
“Some say that the King is secretly Catholic,” put in Christabel.
There was silence at the table for a few moments, then my father said: “He would never openly admit to it. He’s too shrewd … too clever. He knows the people won’t have it and he is determined to please the people. But the next King must be a firm Protestant. It will have to be Monmouth.”
“But the Duke of York will never accept that,” said my mother. “And I don’t think it’s wise to speak of these things of which we know nothing. There is a long letter from Harriet. She is staying in the country for a while. She has a rather amusing young man staying with her … an actor.”