My mother, who when she had made up her mind usually had her way, was not listening. I could see that she was determined that Edwin should not marry Christabel.
But it would be for Edwin to decide.
I pointed this out.
“Edwin is sensible,” said my mother. “He has always listened to me.”
“It will depend on what he thinks is sensible,” I retorted. “I know he loves you dearly and will always listen to you, but you see there is Christabel.”
“So this has gone further than I feared. And it is such a short time that they have known each other.”
“Yes, but because of what happened …” I stopped short. How angry Leigh would have been, and how easy it was to betray secrets!
“What happened?”
“Well, I mean Edwin and Leigh came back from service abroad and they looked so splendid in their uniforms … and it was all rather romantic …” I trailed off lamely.
“I just wanted to confirm what Sally Nullens had told me.
“So it was Sally Nullens, was it? That gossiping old woman!”
“You’re being unfair to Sally. She loves Edwin and she worries about him. She doesn’t want to see him caught by an adventuress. He is far too young to marry in any case.”
“He is twenty-one.”
“My dear Priscilla, you are very unworldly. Edwin bears a great name and he must marry in accordance with his position.”
“I am very surprised to hear you talk like this. I never thought you could be hard and ruthless and socially ambitious. You have always been so different.”
“I shall do everything I can to prevent Edwin’s marrying Christabel Connalt,” said my mother firmly.
“Have you spoken to my father about it?” I asked.
Her colour heightened. I knew then. She really believed this story about the reason for my father’s bringing Christabel to the house. It seemed ridiculous. As if he would bring a mistress into the place. It showed that even now my mother was not very sure of him.
She said coldly: “It is not a matter for your father. Edwin is not his son.”
She saw how distressed I was and her mood changed. She became the loving mother I had always known.
“Darling child, you must not distress yourself. I shouldn’t have bothered you but I thought you would know more than most people did, and we don’t have secrets from each other, do we?”
I could not answer that. To have agreed would have been too false. How much easier life had been before I started to grow up.
“Forget it,” she said. “It will soon be Christmas. We must start making plans, mustn’t we?”
I caught her hands. “Please don’t send her away,” I begged. “She would be so miserable. It’s so wretched … that rectory. I don’t believe they really have enough to eat. Please don’t send her away.”
“You have a soft heart, Priscilla, and I wouldn’t have it otherwise. You can rely on me to do the best thing possible for Edwin and for Christabel.”
I threw myself into her arms. I was comforted by her as I always had been. I thought: In time she will accept Christabel. It will all come right.
My mother kissed me and said good night. When she had gone, I sat at my dressing table and looked at my reflection. I wondered if she had noticed a change in me. Perhaps to her I still looked the same girl with the thick straight hair and the rather long brown eyes, the short nose, the wide mouth, the face which owed its attractiveness to its vitality rather than an evenness of feature. I could see a difference though. There were secrets in those eyes where there had been none, a new firmness about the lips. Yes, the last weeks had changed me and it was discernible to those who looked closely.
I hung up my dress—glad to get out of it because it was indeed too tight. A further sign of growing up. I put on my nightdress. Then I remembered the ring and the chain, which I had hastily put into the drawer.
I opened the drawer. There was the chain but I could not see the ring.
It must be there. I took everything out of the drawer and still I could not find it.
But I had put it into the drawer when my mother came in. I was frantic. I knelt down and searched the floor. I could not see it anywhere.
It would be better to search in the daylight. It must have dropped from my hands as I had thought I put it into the drawer. I had certainly done that hastily and it was really the only explanation.
Again and again I went through the contents of the drawer. Gloves, handkerchiefs, collars and frills for cuffs. There was no sign of the ring.
At last I abandoned the search and uneasily went to bed. I could not sleep. I was too upset both by my mother’s attitude and the loss of the ring.
I was up as soon as it was daylight, but although I searched in every place, I could not find it.
There was an uneasy atmosphere throughout the house. I saw my mother in the garden with Edwin. They were talking very earnestly. Later I saw her send off a messenger and I wondered to where.
I was still obsessed by the loss of the ring. I was certain I should find it, for it must be in my bedroom.
At first I thought my mother might have taken it, but that was not possible, for she could not have done so without my seeing her.
I grew frantic searching over and over again.
I did not tell anyone of my loss. Only Leigh and Christabel even knew I had the ring and recognized the danger possessing it offered. It must turn up. I had searched every inch of the floor. It was as though it had been spirited away.
Christabel was growing uneasy. She was aware of my mother’s attitude. Then four days after I had lost the ring Edwin and Leigh received summonses to rejoin their regiment without delay.
I guessed, of course, that my mother had arranged this and that the message she had sent had been a cry for help to one of her many influential friends in Court circles.
They left. Edwin had made no declaration to Christabel and he had looked so wretched before his departure that I knew he was wavering and considering all the disadvantages which my mother must have put to him. I was sure that she had suggested a separation between him and Christabel so that he could consider very carefully what he was proposing to do quietly and calmly. Edwin was the sort of young man who could be persuaded. That he was especially devoted to my mother I had always known and he could never be happy if he displeased her. When he went away without asking Christabel to marry him, knowing Edwin, I guessed he never would.
Poor Christabel! There was a desperate look in her eyes. She was even more unhappy than she had been before Edwin had come.
We began our preparations for Christmas rather halfheartedly. Harriet very often spent that time of year with us or we with her. This year, however, she made excuses and I knew it was because of Jocelyn. When Harriet played a part she did so with all her heart.
Many of my parents’ friends came from Court. They liked to spend Christmas in the country. So there were the usual festivities, and hunting during the day. They were disappointed, though, because the weather was not cold enough to provide skating. There was a great consumption of food, and dancing and games, and everything that we had been doing at that time of the year for as long as I could remember.
Christabel mingled with us as though she were a guest or a member of the family and I was sure many people believed she was.
The Merridews were there and so were the Eghams. My mother said how unfortunate it was that Edwin and Leigh could not be with them. It was too tiresome of Lord Carson—their fierce old General—to send them off abroad on some duty just over the festive season. She would tell him how she appreciated that when she had the chance!
I understood then. She really would thank him when she saw him.
I went to Christabel’s room two or three days after Christmas. It was bedtime and I had thought she looked very sad during the evening.