He had made a habitable residence of Enderby Hall but he never quite succeeded in dispelling the gloom. I could never enter that hall without feeling a faint twinge of apprehension, and on the rare occasions when I had been there alone, I would find myself taking furtive looks over my shoulder because I felt I was being watched.
He had brought a small staff of servants with him and lived quite simply. He often visited us, for my mother was constantly inviting him. I noticed that as soon as he arrived he would look round for Carlotta, and if she were not present—for she often decided that she would go and stay with Harriet—he would be unable to hide his disappointment.
Of course Carlotta was wayward and bent on having her own way, but she only had to smile at us and we were her slaves. All except Harriet, who made no attempt to please her and somehow managed to do it as well as any of us could.
It was a sunny day in the June of the year 1695 when Harriet and I sat in the gardens of Eyot Abbas overlooking the sea, and as I made out the island just rising out of the sea mist, I remembered, as I could never fail to, that night I had spent there with Carlotta’s father. I thought of my youth, my innocence and the tenderness of our love, so beautiful in itself and the beginning of everything which had happened afterwards, culminating in that night of horror which still haunted my dreams and coloured my life. It was like a black cloud, ever present, menacing my happiness.
Leigh and I were, of course, happy together, but the complete intimacy for which we both longed still eluded us. It was a mystery to Leigh, but I knew full well what it was. I could never feel completely at peace while the memory lay between us.
I knew Leigh well—the kindest of men where his loved ones were concerned, but he was capable of a reckless fury over what he considered injustice. He had gone over easily to the side of William because, although he had sworn allegiance to the King, he did not respect him. His commanding officer, Churchill, had his wholehearted support; and if Churchill went over to William, then he believed it was morally right for him to do so. I often thought of the way in which Leigh had brought me back to the palazzo and then cold-bloodedly gone off the following night and half killed Beaumont Granville. He must never know. I was certain that if he did there would be no half measures. That would be the end of Beaumont Granville.
“You’re thoughtful.” Harriet was watching me closely. “Thinking back to long ago? You shouldn’t brood on the past, Priscilla. You have to look ahead to the future. I want to talk about Carlotta.”
“Oh, yes?”
“I feel she is my responsibility as well as yours. After all, I am her mother in a way. I feel my duty towards her, although you may not believe it.”
“Of course I believe it. You have always been good to her. She loves you.”
“She admires me, yes. I think we are a little alike, Carlotta and I. I’m thinking of her future. She’ll marry young.”
“She’s a child yet.”
“Some of us stop being children early.”
“She is thirteen years old.”
“How old were you, dear Priscilla, when you stayed the night on the island with your lover?”
“It was unusual circumstances.”
“Unusual circumstances are sometimes quite usual, which sounds a contradiction but is oddly true. They arise, these unusual circumstances, and catch us unaware. I am sure that a girl like Carlotta will attract such occasions as she attracts every male creature who comes within a few yards of her.”
“I agree that we shall have to be careful with her.”
Harriet laughed. “The more careful she sees us to be, the more reckless she will become. I know her kind … none better.”
“Well, if we are going to be careful, what are we going to do?”
“We’ll guide her … with invisible hands.”
“Harriet, what do you mean?”
“I have a bridegroom for her. One I have always wanted her to have.”
“Harriet!”
“Yes, my son Benjie. He adores her … but he doesn’t really know how much yet. Besides, he thinks she is his sister. He’ll have to discover that she is not, that she is no relation. It reminded me of you and Leigh … although he knew all along that he was not related to you. But he was brought up with you like a brother. You see, it makes a complicated situation. Suppose Leigh had not been looking on you as his dear little sister all those years, you would have been together from the start. It is Leigh you really loved. I always knew it. That idyll on the Eyot was the awakening … if you see what I mean.”
“I see, of course, but it is not necessarily true.”
“It is true. You and Leigh would have been lovers when you were fourteen … after all he was a man then. Then all those complications would not have occurred. Well, that’s all finished. Carlotta is in the picture now. I want Benjie to know that she is not his sister. It was wise of you to have told Leigh.”
“You know I couldn’t marry him without telling.”
“Of course you couldn’t, and he understood. After all he is my son. I am very happy that you and Leigh are together, Priscilla. It makes you my daughter in a way. I could be very sentimental about that … if I were a sentimental woman. But what I am really thinking about is Carlotta’s future.”
“Somehow I could not bring myself to tell my parents.”
“Why not? Your father has not exactly lived the life of a holy monk.”
“I know it, but he has always been rather contemptuous of me. No, that’s too strong a word. He has been indifferent to me.”
“That has hurt you. There are times when I should like to give your father a talking to. He really is the most obstinate of men.”
“I shall never forget what you did for me, Harriet … you and Gregory.”
“He is a dear man and played his part well. He would do anything for me. But it is Carlotta whom we are discussing. You are not anxious to disclose the truth to your parents. … Perhaps not, but there is someone else who should know.”
“You mean Benjie?”
“Yes, later. But I was thinking of Robert Frinton.”
“Robert Frinton!” I cried. “But why should he know?”
“Because the child’s father was his nephew.”
“But …”
“You are depriving the man of his family. He loves Carlotta. He is a lonely old man. That was a terrible tragedy in his family. Just imagine what it would mean to him to find he had a family in this enchanting child.”
“I don’t think it would be wise.”
“Why not?”
“We have guarded this secret so long. You, Leigh, Gregory, Christabel and I are the only ones…”
I stopped suddenly in horror. There was one other who knew. I saw again vividly those lascivious mocking eyes. “Posing as a virgin when all the time you were there to have your little bastard!”
Harriet had risen and put an arm about my shoulders.
“The secret will still be safe,” she said. “The only difference is that Frinton will know. Think how happy it will make him. You owe it to him, Priscilla.”
“No,” I cried, “the fewer who know the better.”
Harriet shrugged her shoulders. “Well, I have to tell you. He knows.”
I stared at her. “You told him!”
“Yes, I told him.”
“Harriet, how could you!”
“It was my secret as well as yours. I thought it best to tell him.” She went on quickly: “What I have done is the best for everybody. He will be here shortly. I asked him to come. He wants to see you. He wants to talk to you.”
I was dumbfounded. It was no use reproaching Harriet. It was so like her to do something she wanted to and then tell about it afterwards. I wanted to shout at her: This is my affair. But that was not entirely true. She had made it hers.