“Where does it hurt?” Indeed, where does it hurt, why did I come to this dentist’s office anyway? I must concentrate and find the pain in this delight, so I won’t disappoint him, so he won’t leave me, I must say something to him.
ADAM
And suddenly her voice in the silence, in the morning light, mumbling something, just as I’m beginning to wake up. Breaking out of a dream, she’s excited, groping about her, clutching at my shoulder, I freeze, again she says something, a short sentence, her hand is weak, caressing, and suddenly she realizes that she’s touching me, her hand drops, she’s midway between dreams and waking, her eyes open.
“What’s the time?”
“Quarter to six.”
“It’s already so light outside.” And she turns over, trying to go back to sleep, curling up.
“You were talking in your sleep,” I say quietly.
She turns over again quickly, looking up at me.
“What did I say?”
“Just nonsense … it wasn’t clear … a short sentence … what did you dream about?”
“A confused dream … Just …”
I get out of bed, go to the bathroom, wash my face, return to the bedroom. She’s awake, leaning on the pillow, smiling to herself.
“A strange dream, funny, something about a dentist …”
I say nothing, slowly removing my pyjama top, sitting down on the bed. It’s a long time since she’s told me one of her dreams.
“A strange dentist … a sort of yokel … in a wooden house. A rustic, primitive office. The chair was like the armchair in the study but without one of the arms, they took it off on purpose … I remember the afternoon light, a reddish light …”
She breaks off, smiling. Is that all? I don’t understand why she’s telling me. She wraps herself in the thin blanket, closing her eyes, asking me to pull down the blinds. She’ll try to sleep a little longer. To carry on with her dream? I put on shirt and trousers, folding my pyjamas and putting them under the pillow, polling down the blinds and darkening the room. I’m on my way out when she suddenly throws the blanket aside, there can’t be any doubt, something’s exciting her.
“What did I say? Can’t you remember?”
“Words that didn’t add up to anything … I don’t remember … you were just excited … was it a nightmare?”
“No, the opposite, it was supposed to be treatment without pain, instead of an injection they gave me a transparent liquid to drink, it was supposed to be a soporific, a tasteless drink … I can still taste it … it was the speciality of the dentist’s office, before I went in the door a woman came out, all radiant from the wonderful, painless treatment, a really strange dream …”
And she laughs. She’s hiding something, she’s excited, lately there’s been something about her that isn’t right, she can’t relax, she’s always watching me. I wait in the doorway.
“What did I say? What did you hear?”
“Just confused things, I wasn’t awake either.”
“What, for example?”
“I can’t remember. Does it matter?” She doesn’t answer, lies back slowly, as if at peace. I turn and leave the room, glance at the sleeping girl, the wet swimsuit still lying there beside the bed, passing through the study and seeing the chaos there, a Dafi sort of chaos. I go into the kitchen, switch the kettle on, slice the bread, bringing out butter, cheese and olives, starting to nibble as I stand there. The water boils, I make coffee, take the cup and the slices of bread out to the balcony, sitting on a chair wet with dew, slowly sipping the coffee and looking down at an ugly sea covered with a yellow mist. What does Dafi do there all day? From the bay comes the sound of explosions from the munitions factory, firing shells out to sea to test them. The cup of coffee in my hand, strong, bitter coffee, bringing me swiftly and firmly to wakefulness, no thoughts in my head, just waiting for the time to pass so I can go out to work. And suddenly Asya’s beside me, in an old dressing gown, pursued by her dreams, her face unwashed, unable to go on sleeping, leaning on the rail, breaking the heavy drops of dew with her finger.
“Still thinking about that dream of yours?”
She blushes. “Yes, how did you know?” She pulls out a crushed pack of cigarettes and a box of matches from the pocket of her dressing gown, lights a cigarette, inhaling the smoke deeply.
“It’s strange, I keep remembering more details, the dream’s getting clearer. There was someone there in a white coat, sort of in disguise, assisting the dentist, because the dentist was asleep. He gave me the drink and started the treatment, with wooden instruments, a narrow ruler, and it really didn’t hurt, he treated me so gently, so pleasantly … a real experience …”
“Who was it?”
“A stranger … I didn’t know him … just a young man.”
I look at my watch. She goes inside, switches on the kettle, goes to wash, the air grows wanner, the sounds of the awakening city. Looks like a heavy day of hamsin. She comes out to join me with a cup of coffee and a plate of biscuits, it’s a long time since we’ve sat together like this in the morning. She sits down in the corner of the balcony, in the worn wicker chair that they brought here especially for her father in the days of mourning, the cigarette between her fingers, her face reminding me of her old Either, who sat there in the last months before his death, a blanket on his knees, solemnly receiving the people who came to console him, to ask his forgiveness.
We sit in silence, sipping our coffee, our faces to the sea.
“Is he coming today?”
“Yes.”
“Are you making progress?”
“Slowly.”
“We shall have to start making a note of the hours he works.” I smile, but she takes me seriously.
“How much does he owe you?”
“I can’t remember, I shall have to look at the bill … soon we’ll be owing him money.”
She doesn’t answer, she stares at the ground, can she still fall in love?
“We shall have to think about it … perhaps I should give him back the car.”
“Already?” Softly it slips from her mouth.
“But if he’s really making himself useful of course we can continue … is he helping you?”
“Yes … he’s helping me … do you mind?”
This fear of me, that frightened look my way.
Pity stirs in me for the little woman gripped by desire. I smile at her, but she’s still serious.
“What else was there in your dream?”
“The dream?” She’s forgotten it already. “That’s all.”
I drink the rest of my coffee, bring my boots out to the balcony to put them on. She watches me uneasily. I stand up, comb my hair, smooth my beard, put my keys and wallet in my pocket, she gets up and follows me, accompanying me to the door like a faithful dog, not knowing what to do with herself, as if suddenly she can’t bear to be parted from me.
At the door I say, “Now I remember … you said something like, ‘… my love, my love’ …”
“What? ‘My love’?” She laughs, astonished. “I said ‘my love’? That’s impossible.”
DAFI
I just didn’t understand, I didn’t realize at first that the door was locked on the inside, because I’m the only one who locks doors in this house. I pressed the handle hard and started to turn it, trying to force the door open thinking someone was trapped in there, I don’t really know why I tried so hard. I was a bit giddy, the sudden change from the sunlight to the darkness in the house confused me. Because today I left the beach at midday and came home, suddenly I got tired of that Nirvana by the sea, and myself too. Osnat stopped coming with us last week and just Tali and I have been going down there. The last days of the vacation and there’s a change in the air, a mixture of hamsin and autumn, the sky clouding over. And I see that Tali doesn’t want to go into the water, doesn’t even want to run, just lying there in the sand, studying her brown, shapely body, which attracts more and more furtive glances from passers-by. She hardly talks, just smiles her weary, enigmatic smile. The beach is getting empty and I look across at the houses of the city, at the road and the speeding cars, feeling suddenly alone, seeing that if I go on just being with her I’ll begin to be as bored as she is. Today I jumped up and said, “I’m going, I’ve had enough of this, I’m bored.” But she didn’t want to come with me, I left her, took the bus and went home, I had to talk to someone, I went straight to the study, because Mommy’s always there, and suddenly the door was closed.