But no, I wrong her; deeply, cruelly wrong her. True it is that she expressed surprise, but it was surprise blended with indignation at the base suspicion; she taxes me with cruelty, demanding to know what she had left undone to give me satisfaction or what she could still do to remove my doubts and secure my confidence.
I craved pardon for my weakness, urging the violence of my love as an excuse; she seals my forgiveness with a fond embrace, and even felt flattered by my unreasonable jealousy; and before we parted further agreed, nay insisted, that in order to convince me of her truth and that doubt might in future be entirely out of the question she would place the sofa which formed her bed in such a position that on my returning home each night, by applying my eye to the keyhole of her door, I could plainly perceive it all was in accordance with my wishes, and that a night lamp should be left burning in her room for that especial purpose.
Matters had continued in this state for nearly two months when an incident occurred that had nearly proved fatal to my happinessperhaps to me.
I had left home for the purpose of attending a concert at the I-r SRooms, when shortly after my first song I was seized with a violent spasmodic pain in the chest which increased to such a degree that I was compelled to send for a coach and immediately proceeded home.
On my arrival the door was opened by Mr. E., who perceiving my indisposition enquired with much apparent kindness the nature of my complaint, for the relief of which he advised me to try a glass of burnt brandy, with a little ground ginger, sweetened with moist sugar (which, by the by, is a most excellent remedy in all spasmodic cases), and as I did not happen to have any of this spirit in the house he offered his services to procure some from a neighbouring wine vault; I thanked him for his attention and proceeded to my own chamber where, throwing myself upon the bed, I moaned aloud, so violent was the pain I was still enduring.
No sooner had he departed in quest of the requisite liquor than his-or rather, my-Bessy entered the apartment and tenderly endeavouring to soothe my anguish raised me in her arms and imprinted a kiss of affection upon my parched lips.
At this moment we were suddenly alarmed by hearing the key of the street door thrust into the lock in a hurried manner and the voice of E., evidently half suffocated with extreme agitation, exclaim, "Bessy!
Bessy, come here!"
As the time he had left the house was not sufficient to allow of his having reached even the nearest tavern, I was for a few moments greatly puzzled in what manner to account for his instantaneous return; but did not long remain in ignorance of the unpleasant truth, for as the conversation in the next room became louder I plainly heard him accuse his wife of inconstancy, or at least of acting with unbecoming levity towards me; although he was evidently endeavouring to subdue his voice, I occasionally caught the following disjointed sentences:
"Don't tell me, I am satisfied, it was as I say."
"But why not listen to reason?"
"Reason be d-d! I have listened to reason a cursed deal too long."
"Well, but allow me to convince you of what I really did and do not make yourself ridiculous by persisting in-"
"D-n, madam! do you think I won't believe my own eyes? I am perfectly convinced already. Why do you stand between me and the door? Is it to save your smock-faced paramour from my vengeance?
D-n me, but he shall smart for this!"
"Listen to me for one moment, and for heaven's sake don't expose your folly to the neighbourhood; depend upon it that you'll sorely rue this conduct. If I fail to convince you of my innocence it will then be time enough for you to publish my shame. As it is, you only make yourself contemptible, for that I can convince you is indeed most certain."
The last words of his wife appeared to have produced the desired effect, for the conversation that ensued was carried on in such an undertone that I could not distinguish another sentence; and in a few minutes after I heard him leave the house a second time with his original intention, while Bessy tauntingly exclaimed, "To prevent the possibility of another mistake, I'll stand at the door till you return."
She took her station there accordingly, merely seizing an opportunity as she saw him turn the corner of the street to whisper through my but half-closed door, "No doubt you have heard the subject of our quarrel; excuse my coming to you now, love; tomorrow all shall be explained, but pray do not disturb yourself on my account. The mischief is now over; make yourself easy, and above all be careful of your health on my account."
With these consoling words, she resumed her former station at the door.
Mr. E. in a short time returned and, having with the assistance of his wife prepared my medicine, a tantalizing conversation ensued, from which I discovered that, ashamed of his former suspicions, he was endeavouring to prevail on her to bring me the cordial. I plainly heard her answer, which she doubtless intended that I should-"No, no, it shall be my fault if ever I put it in your power to suspect me again; and even now I have half a mind to acquaint Mr. — with your ridiculous fancies, and if I should, you will lose the best lodger you ever had, and serve you quite right."
"Come, come," he replied, "d-n it, drop the subject; it was all a mistake and any other man might have been deceived by such appearances; so don't be foolish."
"Well, then, let's go together."
They entered my room accordingly. Having drunk the potation, E., in a very friendly tone and as if nothing had occurred of an unpleasant tendency, wished me goodnight, while his sweet wife, although she spoke not, said quite sufficient with her intelligent eyes to render me happy during the night.
Being left alone, and my pain having greatly abated, I soon fell asleep, from which I awoke in the morning greatly refreshed and in perfect health, every symptom of the previous night's disorder having entirely left me. Anxious to hear the particulars of the before-mentioned quarrel, I instantly sought the presence of my love, who, overjoyed to find me so soon recovered, received me in her arms, and before proceeding with her narration vowed that after the excitements and misunderstandings of the night a soothing draught of some kind was wholly indispensable. I should have mentioned before that, whilst giving all due time and attention to the claims of the "legitimate drama," Bessy had under my careful tuition acquired a remarkable fondness for oral exercises, which her love for me, combined with the dictates of a highly erotic nature, quickly led her to perform with incomparable skill and gusto. On this occasion her fresh red mouth applied itself most lovingly to my delighted yard, engulfing it to the root, whilst my responsive tongue pushed softly between the lips of her coynte, and in a very few moments the exquisite pleasurable encounter was brought to its inevitable conclusion.
Oh, blessed daughter of the fishmonger, may the pillows lie soft beneath your snowy buttocks as your lord and master lies between your outspread thighs and deals you of his best! For to you, and you alone, do I owe the knowledge of this enchanting pastime, and but for you my love and I might have gone to the end of our days unthinking of the bliss we had but to put forth our lips to taste! So may the kindly god Priapus send you at your utmost need a skilful finger, a penetrating tongue, and a bold and generous dart to tickle, suck, or friction your dainty parts as your soul may desire and the amorous needs of the moment dictate!