After enjoying the varied beauties of nature for upwards of an hour in the most retired walks, the time having arrived when we expected Mr.
S., we thought it prudent to seek the more frequented parts of the gardens, and a few moments later saw him advancing towards us.
He soon gave us to understand that but little comfort might be expected for the remainder of the evening, as E. was then waiting without in the very worst of tempers, being sorely displeased at his wife's having dared to venture upon visiting a place of public amusement without having previously obtained his permission.
Having whispered Bessy not to feel the least alarm at his discontent and assuring her that should anything unpleasant occur in consequence of her having accepted my invitation, I would immediately take her under my protection. I certainly felt myself most agreeably flattered, as pressing my hand she answered in an equally gentle tone, "Oh, my love! if you really are sincere, how much rather would I incur his anger than endure his smile!"
Giving her in charge of Mr. S., I proceeded to procure an admission for the growling bear, her husband; who, notwithstanding a vain attempt at a cheerful bearing, was evidently endeavouring to hide his chagrin under a flimsy mask of deceitful smiles.
However, while I pretended to perceive nothing particular in his manner, I welcomed him most cordially; and having succeeded without difficulty in obtaining a pass for him we joined the ladies, and Mr. S. immediately resigned Mrs. E. to her fond and gentle husband's kind protection. The loving couple fell behind, and Emma offering me her vacant arm, we continued our rambles through the gardens, followed at some distance by Mr. and Mrs. E.
Knowing the disposition of the man so well, I had no doubt but that he kept in the rear for the purpose of annoying his wife by destroying what little pleasure she might otherwise have enjoyed; while the better to impose upon us, as we occasionally turned to see if they were still following, he assumed a look of cheerfulness, but which sat so badly on his ill-favoured countenance that it could be easily detected by the most inexperienced observer. My suspicions were shortly confirmed, for now, in an increased tone of voice, we heard the lady exclaim, "This is the way in which you always treat me; and let the consequences be what they may, I will not walk with you a moment longer."
Without waiting for his reply she broke from his arm, and running with the fleetness of an alarmed fawn when pursued by the hunters, she rejoined our little party; in a moment her husband came up to us, when S. and his wife endeavoured to restore amity between them, but in vain; the fact is that her little heart was bursting with jealousy at witnessing the commonplace attentions courtesy compelled me to pay Mrs. S., and she had secretly determined, at all hazards, not to quit my side again that evening; so when with a coaxing look he again offered her his arm, she threw it from her with an angry look of ineffable disdain, and turning to me said, "Perhaps, Mr. -, you will have the kindness to escort me home?"
I at first appeared to hesitate, and even solicited her to be reconciled to her husband, adding that no doubt it was all owing to some trifling misunderstanding, to which she replied, "No matter, sir, since you refuse my request I will walk home alone-'tis not the first time by many."
She was turning away with that intention when, taking her arm and placing it in mine, I advanced towards E., saying jocosely, "Well, Mr. E., you see how matters stand, and as I should be sorry to incur a charge of want of gallantry, I certainly feel myself bound to obey a lady's command. Say, have I your consent?"
"Oh, with all my heart," answered he. "I suppose she must have her own way."
He then, endeavouring to assume a look of indifference, took the vacant arm of Mrs. S., leaving me in undisputed possession of Bessy for the remainder of the evening; who, regardless of the threatening glances her husband occasionally cast upon her, seemed determined to make up for her previous mortification and allow nothing to ruffle her spirits; she chatted and laughed incessantly and, encouraged no doubt by the promise I had made previous to E.'s arrival, gave free vent to her naturally lively disposition; and, as we sometimes lost sight of our companions amid the leafy gloom of the surrounding foliage, would express the delightful sensations of her soul by pressing fervent kisses on my lips; and, inspired by the influence of a few glasses of wine which I had prevailed on her to take during the evening, she whispered, as I clasped her in my arms and fingered the nipples of her swelling breasts, "Oh, for ten minutes alone together, to have you between my legs just once! Give me your hand, beloved, feel how it pouts for you!
Oh, for a touch of your tongue, or even one thrust from this dear thing which throbs under my hand! Slip your tongue into my mouth-all of it-and leave it there, against mine. So!"
A long and delicious kiss ensued, after which we were obliged, in order to avoid suspicion, to slacken our pace, and as our friends approached turned to meet them, when E. sullenly demanded if we "had not better think of going home?" to which, as it was now near one o'clock, we instantly assented, and accordingly left the gardens. I proposed a coach, as we were upwards of three miles from home, but this Mr. E. would by no means agree to.
"What," he exclaimed, "could make you think of going out pleasuring, if your feet are so d-d tender that you cannot walk home?" (These words being of course addressed to his wife.) "I don't get my money so easy as some folks"-(here he had a rap at me)-"and can't afford to spend it in such foolish luxuries."
In vain I remonstrated that the expense should be all my own, that I preferred riding and as I had already requested the waiter to procure a coach the ladies might just as well partake of the convenience; besides, the charge would be precisely the same to me for riding alone as if they all accompanied me; to this he answered, "I say, let her walk; it's a fine night, or rather morning, and the distance a mere nothing; and it is setting her a bad example. If she rides now she'll expect the same indulgence another time, and I'll be d-d if she gets it from me. I mean to walk myself, and if she prefers your company to mine let her go with you and welcome-she knows my meaning." And he accompanied these words with a look of peculiar expression.
The controversy was ended, however, to the satisfaction of all parties by the waiter returning with the intelligence that no vehicle could be found, the company having taken the precaution to secure them some hours previous to the close of the entertainments.
We immediately commenced our homeward journey; Mr. E. condescended to offer his wife the honour of his arm, which she disdainfully rejected, and grasping mine still more firmly we proceeded in the same order that we had adopted during our wanderings through the gardens.
It was certainly a most splendid morning, and our way was through a pleasant turnpike road decked with rows of noble houses on either side with tasty gardens to adorn the fronts, the flowers from which, freshened by morning dew, sent forth a delicious odour, rendering our walk truly delightful.
On a sudden we were startled at hearing several dull, heavy sounds, and upon turning to ascertain the cause at once perceived that E. had quitted his companions. As I turned my eyes towards the road the cause of the before-mentioned sounds were instantly made manifest.
So singular was the unexpected sight I then encountered that it was with the greatest difficulty that I was enabled to suppress a laugh, and all my companions were in the same situation.
It appears that the smothered passion of Mr. E. had at length worked him up to such a pitch of frenzy that at the moment when I discovered the amiable youth, he was amusing himself by beating his own head with the utmost violence against a turnpike gate which stood most invitingly for his purpose in the centre of the road. The ladies immediately ran to his assistance, or rather to remonstrate with him on the folly of such conduct; and as S. and I slowly followed with the same intention, S. whispered in a sarcastic manner, and with a look that plainly indicated the nature of his suspicions, "I now, for the first time, perceive that even cuckoldom has its conveniences-behold a case in point: yon poor devil, but for the length of his horns, would certainly dash out his brains."