At length in a subdued tone of voice she muttered thus, "Oh, oh! I see it all, yes, yes, I understand, and so Miss Deelie with all her prudery is no better than the rest of her kidney; she has her favourites on the sly; well, I cannot blame her, and must confess that she has proved herself a girl of taste; but never fear, lad, I am not given to gossip, but upon this occasion I think that silence should at least earn me a new gown; bless my heart, what a soft hand the boy has; I could almost fancy I was pressing that of a delicate young lady; and dear me, now I look again, how very like my dear dead and gone Jim Grundy when we were first acquainted; ah, youngster, I was a very, very different person to look at then than I am now; time works wondrous changes in us all!"
And the old crone, having amused herself while she was speaking by passing her fingers through my hair, now proceeded to clasp me round the waist, and fearing that the beldame was absolutely growing amorous, with a sudden effort I extricated myself from her embrace, exclaiming with an attempted smile, "Enough, enough, good mother, let me now think of effecting a retreat, all shall be explained the first opportunity; in the mean time only be discreet, and your reward shall not be forgotten."
With these words, taking my boots in my hand, I proceeded downstairs, opened the street door, which I did not wait to shut after me, and having gained the street never ceased running until I arrived at the Angel Inn; here finding the coast clear I drew on my boots, and slackening my pace, endeavoured as I approached my home to frame the best excuse I could possibly devise to dispel the merited anger of Bessy and her more cautious but no less indignant companion.
I have previously mentioned that in order to remove all jealous doubts from my mind, Bessy had been for several months in the habit of leaving a candle burning, by means of which I could at all times satisfy myself that she did not share her husband's bed, and upon arriving home on this eventful night, or rather morning, my first glance was directed towards the aperture in the window shutter; alas, no welcome gleam appeared to gladden my sight; my mind misgave me; I unlocked the outer door, and applying my eye to the well-known keyhole all was dark and drear; at this moment a ray of moonlight rested upon the opposite couch, so long the solitary resting place of my beloved! it was forsaken. My worst fears were confirmed. I had proved myself unworthy; her confidence in my honour had been shaken and she had returned to the embraces of her liege lord. I cursed my own folly-and retired to my lonely bed, not to sleep but to ponder over the gulf of misery I had opened for myself by yielding too easily to the dictates of gallantry.
Nor were my fears without foundation, as I afterwards learnt from the blushing Bessy's own confession when a reconciliation had taken place between us. It appears that on her returning home with Emma after the scene so recently described, she was assailed by her tyrant in the most violent manner, in consequence of her having dared to go out without his knowledge; vainly did the good-natured Emma endeavour to take all the blame upon herself; even she did not escape a portion of the abuse which the unfeeling blackguard showered on his wife, charging her with an undue partiality for me, to whom he loudly declared his honour had been sacrificed, and it was not until he had become completely exhausted by the fury of his passion that he suffered himself to be persuaded that his wife was innocent.
Peace having been thus restored and the fond couple left alone, Mr. E., probably ashamed of his late conduct, endeavoured by the most abject protestations to regain the affections of his wife and induce her to admit him once again to the privileges of a husband from which he had been so long excluded. He went on his knees before her and in the most earnest terms begged she would pardon his late unjust suspicions, which having at length obtained he proceeded to urge his suit still further. By receiving him again to her arms he should be at once satisfied that he was really forgiven and the remaining portion of his life should be passed in one continued endeavour to promote her happiness. What could she do? The proof she had that evening received of my inconstancy was sufficient to convince her that her dependence upon me was indeed precarious-she had no security that I was not at that very moment seeking for a plausible excuse to abandon her for another; added to which her positive conviction that certain "living consequences" of our indiscretion would soon become apparent; and in the event of which, as she had too much reason to fear, finding herself deserted by me, how could she account to her husband for such an addition to his family when she had for so many months estranged herself from his arms.
Under these circumstances, having no alternative, she yielded to his importunities and submitted herself once more to his loathed embraces. With the utmost mortification I listened to the hateful story, nor could I chide the amiable sufferer. I only was to blame; but although in justice compelled to admit that she was blameless, I from that moment abandoned the idea of ever making her my own undivided property, and it was not until after the birth of her child that I succeeded in my endeavours to persuade her to renew our former intimacy; but this once accomplished was never afterwards denied; for as she candidly acknowledged in one fond hour of blissful dalliance, notwithstanding my ungenerous conduct and her strenuous endeavors to drive me from her thoughts, the impression I had made upon her heart was too deep ever to be eradicated, and though compelled by circumstances to yield obedience to her wedded lord her love was all my own.
Owing to my precaution, Mr. E. never had an opportunity of seeing us together; for obvious reasons I had ceased to be his tenant and our interviews took place at my own private lodgings, I having introduced her to my new landlady as an only sister, under which character we passed many happy hours together.
Her husband, as she told me, seldom mentioned my name except, indeed, when some of his former suspicions would for a moment revive as he gazed upon his infant son, when he would exclaim, "The boy is cursedly like that infernal singer. I don't know how it is, Bess! I think you've acted right enough; but people can't at all times command their thoughts and when he was got, I'm d-d if you were not thinking more of the blasted tenor than you was of me."
I will now proceed with my tale. I suppose that towards the approach of day I must have fallen into a troubled sleep, for I was awoke about eight o'clock in the morning by the gruff voice of Mr. E., who exclaimed as he rapped at my door, "Hallo, there! here's a letter for you. I have thrust it under the door and there's a youngster waiting for an answer."
I immediately leaped from my bed and opening the note read as follows:
My dearest Love,
After the occurrences of last night, I tremble to address you; but if your heart is not devoid of pity, pray let me see you once again; I am very very ill, and have much to tell you. For God's sake, come some time today, and do not by a refusal add to the despair of the wretched Delia.
I partly unclosed the door and requested Mr. E. to inform the bearer that the writer's request should be attended to; I then hurried on my clothes and, the weather being fine, took a seat in the garden, pretending to be occupied in the perusal of a book. I was in fact anxiously expecting that chance would favour me with an opportunity of seeking an explanation with my insulted Bessy, for I now remembered that it was the Sabbath and consequently the husbands of my two enamoured fair ones would in all probability remain at home the whole of the day.