After my recovery from the dreadful malady with which I was seized at the cruel butchery of my lover and father, a fixed melancholy settled on me in the place of the disorder. This the Dey on seeing me perceived, and he became anxious to know the cause why one so young and beautiful (as he was pleased to describe me) should be afflicted with such a determined lowness of spirits. In compliance with his urgent wishes, I related the history of my misfortunes. During my narrative he sat by my side and took one of my hands in his. I could clearly feel and see by his agitation how much my story affected him;
The tear of sensibility stood trembling in his eye at the relation of my sufferings.
When I had finished he drew me trembling to his bosom, and tenderly kissing my forehead, said he blushed that such a villain as Ozman should disgrace the name of Mussulman. ‘Have you no relations that I can return you to?' he demanded. I told him I knew of no relation but my father, and he and Demetrius were dead. ‘No wonder,' he
continued, your beauties are clouded; the misfortunes felt by one so young have been enough to sink you to the very earth. But cheer up, sweet maid, here you shall be free from all importunity. It is true you are my slave, and by our laws I can, if I think fit, violate your beauties; but no. As yet you have experienced nothing but oppression at our hands. I will try by kindness to deserve the enjoyment of your charms.'
Again he pressed me fondly to his bosom, but instead of kissing me as before, my lips received his pressures until their fierceness threw me into a confusion indescribable; but on seeing me in tears he immediately desisted, assuring me that my modesty had nothing to fear from him. But young and inexperienced as I was, nature assured me I had more to fear from the soft pity and seeming sensibility of the amorous Ali than the villainous proceedings of the ferocious Ozman.
Ozman might have debauched me by force it is true, but with Ali I had more than force to guard against-I mean nature, which the persuasive Ali, even on my first interview, had contrived to alarm by his kisses, which (I know not why) I scarcely dared to refuse him, particularly as he always desisted when the fervency of his proceedings gave my modesty reason to complain. But I soon became conscious that at each new interview the liberties he took became more daring, so much so that I had determined to request he would send me home to my native isle as he had offered to do.
The very evening I had come to this resolution he sent word by one of his eunuchs that he would take his coffee with me. He came accordingly. After coffee was served (as was his usual custom) he reclined on the sofa, directing me to place myself by his side. I obeyed, as he never had refused to permit my rising when the fear of his proceedings had alarmed me. This evening I though he seemed particularly tender, but somewhat thoughtful. As usual, my lips became his prey. Without my knowledge he contrived to unbutton my bodice at the bosom, and ere I could oppose it his burning hand had invaded and was moulding one of my breasts. This new proceeding threw me into considerable agitation. I requested him to desist; to take his hand away. He immediately complied, merely demanding whether his caresses gave me uneasiness. Indeed so very kind did he appear that evening, I at last summoned up courage to make my request of being sent home. His kindness I confessed I should never forget I supported my petition with all the artless sophistry I was capable of.
Ah, I little knew the value of the favour I was soliciting.
At first he seemed much astonished, and I thought affected, but with pleasure I saw the frown fade from his brow. He called me unkind, ungenerous, to wish to desert him at the very moment he had nearly persuaded himself that his attention and forbearance had created a sentiment in my bosom favourable to his hopes. ‘Say, sweet maid,' he cried, fondly kissing me, ‘you cannot, will not abandon me.' I hardly know how I resisted his pressure and importunities, but I did, and at last received the joyful assurance from him that I should return to my country-home I had none. But his promise was all deception, for even at the very moment he made it, his plans for my ruin were taking effect.
Determined on my enjoyment, he had caused to be infused in the coffee which had been handed to me, a strong sleeping draught. Thus at the very moment I was soliciting for the safety of my virtue, my virgin hour was rapidly expiring, and my eyes were growing heavy with the effect of the opium. In fact, sleep overtook me in his arms, and I did not recover from the stupefying quality of the narcotic drug before my virginity and all hopes of escape were destroyed. I was no sooner asleep than the Dey had me undressed and conveyed to bed, whereupon he quickly followed. I became his unresisting prey. The acuteness of the painful sensations which I am told always accompany the transformation of the maid into the finished woman are unknown to me, for so powerful was the medicine that I continued buried all the night in the most profound insensibility-in fact, during all the time the Dey was in uncontrolled possession of my person; indeed so thoroughly had he prepared me to meet his pleasures when I should recover my senses, that during his first enjoyment of me, when perfectly awake, I felt not the least sensation that could be possibly called painful. You may guess my astonishment and sorrow, on awakening from my deathlike stupor, to find myself naked in the arms of the Dey, who was fast asleep, his head reclining on my bosom. From a certain stiffness I felt in a particular part, the truth crashed upon my mind instantly. I could not refrain from crying aloud, which awoke the Dey. He was not slow in pleading an excuse for what he had done, stating that, burning for my enjoyment, and plainly seeing my invincible modesty would oppose the most strenuous resistance to the completion of his desires, he determined, by rendering me insensible to my seduction, to spare my feelings and blushes.
'How could you suppose, lovely creature,' he cried, passionately, ‘that it was possible I could part with charms like yours? Where would you fly to? no one to protect you-no home! your beauties are too great to suffer you long to escape the snares which some brutal renegade like Ozman would set to trap you. Then, sweet slave, pardon my offence; in me you will always find a kind and faithful protector. Come, dry those lovely eyes,' he continued; ‘no longer rend my heart with those agonising looks.' In this manner, joined with the softest caresses, did Ali strive to soothe me after giving my first burst of passion its free vent.
What he said was very true. I had no home or friend. Where was I to fly to? My state of wretchedness was too apparent. It required very little reflection to convince me the grand ordeal was past, my virginity being his. In short, he soothed me with the soft asseverations of the tenderest love, giving his persuasions with the most lively caresses, until at last by degrees he stemmed the tide of sorrow that flowed over my feelings. Seeing my grief was somewhat pacified, he considered this a fit opportunity to begin to prepare me to submit to his desires. I was entirely unconscious of his intentions. He suddenly turned me on my back, forcibly extended my thighs with one of his knees and in an instant was secure between them; without further ceremony he fixed himself in me, and vigorously making play, his quick thrusts soon sent him in fierce erection to his utmost length into me; indeed, I felt him up to the very quick; I was literally gorged by him. You may suppose my astonishment at finding the insertion of his instrument unaccompanied by the least particle of pain. [I interrupted her by enquiring if she felt not the least suffering.] None whatever, and I can only attribute it to the number of times he must have enjoyed me while I was under the influence of the opiate, for I assure you the pains accompanying the loss of virginity are entirely unknown to me. Nay, on the contrary, I felt not the least inconvenience. So you may guess my emotions at the awful moment when he had driven himself into me, joining as it were our bodies into one by the close junction of the parts. My hands were clenched-my whole body immovable-my teeth, fixed. I was lost to everything but the wonderful instrument that was sheathed within me.