“Yes. Please. I want music. Of course.”
Michael slotted one of his newly bought CDs into the player. Bob Dylan’s wailing harmonica kicked off, filling the whole bus with the first few bars of Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again.
Jesus tapped his foot to the beat.
Outside, the landscape was changing. The camper was gliding through low-slung hills covered in holm oak and wild olive trees. The days down in the dark had left their mark on Michael’s spirit — and this shadow had given much needed definition to him. Now free again, and with Jesus Christ safely on board, he felt something had been achieved, although it wasn’t quite clear what.
Ariel was in the galley kitchen knocking up some lunch. “Anyone for an omelet?” she called out gaily. She was also very glad to be back on the road.
“Give me wine, woman,” said Jesus. “And a soft-boiled egg.”
And so she did.
39
That night, after the enormity of recent events, Giacomo had great trouble sleeping. First, he lay for a good while thinking about Michael, Ariel, and Jesus, this improbable runaway trinity. Then, as his thoughts turned to other things, he realized why his life had become unbearable and, as a consequence, he had also become unbearable to himself.
Giacomo had become a weather vane turning in the wind, with no identifiable will or emotion of his own.
In one of his earlier lives he had spent some years in a lovely brick gatehouse to a mansion belonging to the estate of the Dukes of Bedford in Bloomsbury, London. At that time, Bloomsbury was a mature woodland of elm and oak, a peaceful bird-haunted place where one occasionally glimpsed a woodcutter with his nag or a party of horsemen looking for a fox or an otter to kill.
Giacomo had a wife who dressed with great care and strolled through the woods in silk slippers and painted lovely water-colors and spent her time talking to the maid or scrutinizing the quality of the Sunday roast. She was a collector of acorns and beechnuts, from which she made collages; also of shadow puppets, which she cut from sheaves of card he bought for her in Piccadilly.
Mostly they dined with the Duke, whose son Giacomo was tutoring in Latin and French.
Children they could have none, but there are some who believe that children are nothing but peace-shattering horrors. Giacomo and his wife had convinced themselves that this, without exception, was true.
Looking back, Giacomo had always felt this was his golden age.
He and his wife managed their business well. Every month or so a message was brought to their door from Rome, usually by night. Giacomo was not greatly taxed until the Gnostic Church in Rome ordered him to recruit the Dukes of Bedford, first by seducing one of the daughters who, as it happened, was no older than fourteen. Later there was a plot to maggotize the Duke and his oldest son. Giacomo happened to be on good terms with one of the most widely admired women in London, a mistress of a great number of fashionable men and also the finest procurer the maggot church ever had, with skin like milk and an agile, saucy tongue that swiftly brought men to their knees. The Duke was no exception.
His success with the Bedford family did not go unnoticed. Before long, a bunch of ambitious crackpots in Rome had involved Giacomo in a plot to maggotize the King of England. The Pope got wind of it, of course, and Giacomo was hauled before a hanging judge in the Vatican, who sentenced him to immediate termination. His wife was “spared,” an odd term to use in view of the horrific poverty that she had to endure while he slept. She was permitted to stay on in the Bloomsbury gatehouse, but she earned a pittance as a seamstress and supplemented her diet with milled bark and wood sorrel. By the time Giacomo was reactivated about a hundred years later, he could not find her anywhere. He searched all over London, now entering the industrial revolution. The peasants had been transformed into swarming workers, covered in coal dust and with a raging fondness for gin.
Bloomsbury had declined. Mud and filth and weaving factories had spread where once there was greenery. In another three hundred years it would be turned into an urban cesspit filled with buses and drug addicts and Chinese tourists. No one would work there anymore; in fact, no one would work anywhere. This was the popular way of defining prosperity: ancient woodlands and farming communities turned into wastelands of boarded-up factories patrolled by drunks and lunatics, while, on a green hill behind electric fences, a small group of petty princes sat in stone houses and pontificated on the science of wealth creation, also known as economics.
No one should live longer than a thousand years. At a certain point it becomes impossible to remember anything at all. Only the hunger remains, the ravenous need to love and be loved, to eat and fill one’s body or lose one’s mind in chemical distraction.
The only thing Giacomo was still properly aware of was his unquenchable appetite. As far as he was concerned, nothing could take away the omnipotence of a fried egg.
Christianity was a ludicrous creed to him now. He was more interested in how to make a perfect hamburger. All the theology, all the doctrinal lisping had become a burden: raving madmen arguing about whose god was the best, like football supporters at a match, shouting abuse at their opponents.
Once an idea had turned into a burden it was time to let it go.
Only the other day he’d been walking along with a bottle of mineral water in his hand. When he tired of holding it he drank the water and discarded the bottle. Afterwards, it occurred to him that although he was still carrying the water in his body, its weight had somehow disappeared.
And like this it was also with ideas: they had to be a part of us.
In 1988 he had tracked down his wife to Berlin, where she was working as a professor at the Humboldt Institute. By this time she’d also developed a multiple personality. Her ego had grown; she was no longer a budding twig but a many-armed tree trunk floating ponderously down a river. She had learned to be skeptical of him, the man who had thrown away their happiness for the sake of personal ambition. Elegantly she showed him the door. His humiliation was crushing: he threw her a last lingering look as he gripped the doorknob.
“Why are you giving me that blank, self-pitying look?” she’d said. “You can’t love what you don’t love, Giacomo. I give you nothing as payment for what you have given me — also nothing…”
“So it meant nothing?”
“Whatever it meant then, is not what it means now. That is all you need to know.”
Those words had festered for many years. But, recently, he had felt them raging in his blood with a new keenness. Giaco-mo had understood that his affection for Michael was largely rooted in his identification with him: Michael was doing what Giacomo ought to have done. Michael had given free rein to his personal ambition, in the sense of allowing himself to feel.
Michael did not want to sleep; Michael wanted to stay in the moment and not lose what he had. In other words he was not behaving as a proper maggot ought to. And this was problematic. Or, as Charles Darwin might have observed, it was an interesting aberration, a mutation that could lead to evolutionary development.
Giacomo had wanted to keep Michael safe and rolled up in a box until, at some point, many centuries into the future, he had the leisure to question him about it. How had Michael, who had no wisdom or experience, known with such certainty what he must do? Giacomo had never had any such conviction. Only confusion, confusion like mist on a heath.
The past leaned over him now, like the shadow of an unknown, possibly dangerous, figure in a doorway. Giacomo was a man suffering “the effects of memory,” as he sometimes put it. And memory could not be revisited. Memory was a reunion dinner at which all the guests were strangers to one another.