Raistlin shook his head. "In time…" he whispered as the spasm eased. "In time, Palin." He smiled wearily, his hand reaching out to rest on the young man's head. "In time. I will teach you that… and so much more! How they have wasted your talent! What did they tell you, young one? Why did they bring you here?"
Palin bowed his head. The touch of those slender fingers excited him, yet he caught himself cringing, squirming beneath their burning caress. "I came- They said… you would try… to take…" He swallowed, unable to continued.
"Ah, yes. Of course. That is what those idiots would think. I would take your body as Fistandantilus tried to take mine. What fools! As if I would deprive the world of this young mind, of this power. The two of us… There will be two of us, now. I make you my apprentice, Palin." The burning fingers stroked the auburn hair.
Palin raised his face. "But," he said in amazement, "I am of low rank. I haven't taken the Test-"
"You will, young one," Raistlin murmured, exhaustion plain upon his face. "You will. And with my help, you will pass easily. Just as I passed with the help of another… Hush. Don't speak anymore. I must rest." Shivering, Raistlin clutched his tattered robes about his frail body. "Bring me some wine and a change of clothes or I will freeze to death. I had forgotten how damp this place was." Leaning his head back against the cushions, Raistlin closed his eyes, his breath rattling in his lungs.
Palin stood up slowly, casting an uneasy glance behind him.
The five heads of the dragon around the Portal still glowed, but their colors were faded, less brilliant. Their mouths gaped open, but no sound came out. It seemed to Palin, though, that they were waiting, biding their time. Their ten eyes watched him, glittering with some secret, inner knowledge. He looked inside the Portal. The red-tinged landscape stretched into the distance. Far away, barely discernible, he could see the wall, the pool of blood beneath it. And above it, the dark, winged shadow…
"Uncle," Palin said, "the Portal. Shouldn't we-"
"Palin," said Raistlin softly, "I gave you a command. You will learn to obey my commands, apprentice. Do as I bid."
As Palin watched, the shadow grew darker. Like a cloud covering the sun, the wings cast a chill of fear over his soul. He started to speak again, but at that moment glanced back at Raistlin.
His uncle's eyes appeared to be closed, but Palin caught a slit of gold gleaming beneath the lids, like the eyes of a snake. Biting his lower lip, the young man turned hastily away. Taking hold of the staff, he used its light to search the laboratory for that which his uncle had requested.
Dressed once more in soft black velvet robes, Raistlin stood before the Portal, sipping a glass of elven wine that Palin had discovered in a carafe far back in a corner of the laboratory. The shadow over the land within had now grown so dark that it seemed night had fallen over the Abyss. But no stars shown, no moons lit that dread darkness. The wall was the only object visible, and it glowed with its own, horrid light. Raistlin stared at it, his face grim, his eyes haunted by pain.
"Thus she reminds me of what will happen should she catch me, Palin," he said softly. "But, no. I am not going back." Looking around, the archmage glanced at the young man. Raistlin's eyes glittered within the depths of his black hood. "I had twenty-five years to consider my mistakes. Twenty-five years of unbearable agony, of endless torment… My only joy, the only thing that gave me strength to meet each mom-ing's torture was the shadow of you I saw in my mind. Yes, Palin"-smiling, Raistlin reached out and drew the young man nearer-"I have watched you all these years. I have done what I could for you. There is a strength-an inner strength-in you that comes from me! A burning desire, a love for the magic! I knew, one day, you would seek me out to leam how to use it. I knew THEY would try to stop you. But they could not. Everything they did to prevent your coming must only bring you closer. Once in here, I knew you would hear my voice. You would free me. And so I made my plans…"
"I am honored that you take this interest in me," Pa-lin began. His voice broke, and he cleared his throat nervously. "But you must know the truth. I–I didn't seek you out to… to gain power. I heard your voice, pleading for help, and I–I came because…"
"You came out of pity and compassion," Raistlin said with a twisted smile. "There is still much of your father in you. That is a weakness that can be overcome. As I told you, Palin. Speak the truth-to yourself. What did you feel upon entering this place? What did you feel when you first touched the staff?"
Palin tried to look away from his uncle's gaze. Though the laboratory was chill, he was sweating beneath his robes. Raistlin held him tightly, however, forcing the young man to look into the golden, glittering eyes.
And there see a reflection of himself… Was what he said true? Palin stared at the image in the arch-mage's eyes. He saw a young man, dressed in robes whose color was indeterminate, now white, now red, now darkening…
The arm Raistlin held jerked spasmodically within the archmage's grasp.
He can feel my fear, Palin realized, trying to control the tremors that shook his body.
Is it fear? the golden eyes asked. Is it fear? Or exultation?
Palin saw the staff he held in his hand reflected in those eyes. He stood within the pool of its bright light. The longer he held the staff, the more he could sense the magic within it-and within himself. The golden eyes shifted in their gaze slightly, and Palin followed them. He saw the black-bound spellbooks standing upon the shelf. He felt once again the thrill he had experienced upon entering the laboratory, and he licked his dry, parched lips like a man who has been wandering long in a vast desert and who has, at last, found the cool water to ease his burning thirst. Looking back at Raistlin, he saw himself as in a mirror, standing before the archmage dressed in black robes.
"What-what are your plans?" Palin asked hoarsely.
"Very simple. As I said, I had long years to consider mymistake. My ambition was too great. I dared become a god something mortals are not meant to do-as I was painfully reminded every morning when the Dark Queen's talon ripped my flesh."
Palin saw the thin lip curl for a moment and the golden eyes glint. The slender hand clenched in anger and remembered agony, its grip tightening painfully around the young man's arm. "I learned my lesson," Raistlin said bitterly, drawing a rasping, shuddering breath. "I have trimmed my ambition. No longer will I strive to be a god. I will be content with the world." Smiling sardonically, he patted Palin's hand. "We will be content with the world, I should say."
"I-" The words caught in Palin's throat. He was dazed with confusion and fear and a wild rush of excitement. Glancing back at the Portal, however, he felt the shadow cover his heart. "But, the Queen? Shouldn't we shut it?"
Raistlin shook his head. "No, apprentice."
"No?" Palin looked at him in alarm.
"No. This will be my gift to her, to prove my loyalty-admittance to the world. And the world will be her gift to me. Here she will rule and I… I will serve." Raistlin bit the words with his sharp teeth, his lips parted in a tight, mirthless grin. Sensing the hatred and the anger surging through the frail body, Pa-lin shuddered.
Raistlin glanced at him. "Squeamish, nephew?" He sneered, letting loose of Palin's arm. "The squeamish do not rise to power-"
"You told me to speak the truth," Palin said, shrinking away from Raistlin, relieved that the burning touch was gone, yet longing-somehow-to gain it back. "And I will. I'm frightened! For us both! I know I am weak-" He bowed his head.
"No, nephew," said Raistlin softly. "Not weak. Just young. And you will always be afraid. I will teach you to master your fear, to use its strength. To make it serve you, not the other way around."