“Anyway, I missed my bus and I’m standing there in the cold and this cat pulls up and offers me a lift. So I get in. It’s this guy, he must have been about thirty or forty, and he starts coming on to me right off the bat, although because this is the first time, I never knew what he was getting at. I never would have thought of him as a faggot because I had this picture in my mind that all faggots were the queen type and he was just an ordinary guy in appearance. Nowadays I would recognize him as a faggot from a block away. There are all these mannerisms and ways of looking at you that you learn to spot, but I didn’t know anything about them at the time.
“So he says something like, ‘I remember what I was like at your age. I bet you have a lot of fun with girls.’
“And I said, ‘Oh, I can take ’em or leave ’em.’
“He says, ‘Do you have a girl?’
“‘Well, I do and I don’t.’
“‘What do you mean by that?’
“‘Well, I’ve got a girl, I was just spending some hours with her, but I can’t get anyplace with her.’
“See, right off the bat I’m laying a whole trip on the guy. Nowadays, knowing what I know, I don’t know if I would be ready to come on that strong. I mean, what it amounted to was that I was playing up to him, feeding him openings, without even being aware of what I’m doing.
“So we went on talking. I did this whole routine about how she liked me to pet her and she lets me play with her tits and suck them and even get a finger into her snatch, but that’s as far as it goes. She won’t put out. And he says I must be frustrated, and I say damn right I’m frustrated, and he says it’s bad for you physically, an experience like that. Well, I more or less intended to jerk off when I got home, but I wasn’t going to come out and tell him this, so I said I would just have to live with it, and he said maybe he could do me some good.
“‘I know a lot of girls,’ he said. ‘Look, Cary, I have an apartment not far from here. Why don’t you come up to my place and we can both have a couple of drinks and unwind, and maybe everything’ll work out for you.’
“You may not believe me, but I still don’t know what he was driving at. I still didn’t think of him as a queer, see. I got the impression that he was going to call up some girls. I don’t know if I really believed that some girl would come over and I would get to screw her, but he was a nice guy and I had nothing better to do, and even the idea of a drink sounded pretty good. Besides, I knew that strange things could happen. There was a guy at school who had a steady thing going with a married woman, and the way it happened was that a guy got to talking to him the same way this guy had started with me, and brought him back home and had the kid screw his wife. That was his thing, he liked to have his wife get fucked by a young kid while he watched. I guess he would jerk off while he watched the two of them, or maybe he would fuck the wife afterward himself. Whatever it was, at least according to the story I heard, the guy never touched him or anything, just wanted him to fuck the wife. And the way he told it the wife was good looking and great in bed, she would do everything, suck him off, fuck him in all these different positions, and he was going back for more just about every day. So for all I knew this was going to turn out to be something along those lines and I didn’t have anything better to do than go along for the ride and see what happened.
“He had a very nice apartment. We had a few drinks and I felt myself loosening up. Then he gave me a batch of pictures and said I might find them interesting. I had seen dirty pictures before, but never like this. These were in color and well photographed and the girl in the series was really great looking. Really beautiful. A blonde with a fantastic figure.
“I can still remember what she looked like.
“Of course I got a hard-on immediately. All the excitement with the baby-sitter and now these pictures, and I was having to reach and straighten my cock because it was cramped up in my pants, and he made a remark and said I sure seemed to like the pictures, and he sat next to me on the couch and put his hand on my cock just for a minute, just a quick feel, and he said it was obvious I was getting hot over the pictures, which must have been obvious, I guess.
“I felt a little funny about him touching my cock, but the way he did it made it seem natural enough.
“He asked me which of the pictures I liked the best. About half of them were pictures of the girl blowing this guy, licking it or taking it in her mouth, you know. And the expression on her face, you could see she really loved what she was doing.
“So I told him I really liked those pictures.
“‘Won’t your girl do that for you?’
“‘Listen,’ I said, ‘are you kidding? She won’t even jerk me off!’ Which was true, but actually I never really tried to get her to jerk me off. I was just set on getting her to let me screw her and hadn’t really made a point of suggesting the other thing, so whether or not she would have done it I don’t know.
“‘Well,’ he says, ‘you must have had blow jobs before?’
“I told him I never did.
“‘The problem is that most girls don’t like to do it. But you’re really missing something. It’s a wonderful feeling.’
“I said I could imagine.
“He asked if I had ever been laid, and I told him about that and told him it was great. I made it sound better than it actually was, not telling him about the parts of it that weren’t so terrific. He said a blow job was better, and then he patted my cock again and said it was a shame I never had one, and that it would be the perfect thing for me now to relax me and get rid of all the tension.
“I don’t remember just how the conversation went from there. By now I knew he wanted to blow me and by now I guess I wanted him to. I still didn’t think of him as a queer but as a guy who liked me and wanted to do something to make me feel better.
“He opened my pants and took my cock out and gave me a long elaborate blow job. When he first went down on me I thought it would be like with the girl, that I would go off instantly, but it was just the reverse. Maybe the drinks had something to do with it. I don’t know. It lasted a long time and felt incredible. Really great. And then I came, and it was dynamite.
“Right after I came it occurred to me that he would want me to blow him in return, which I knew I didn’t want to do. But he never even suggested it, and I have the feeling that he came in his pants while he was going down on me.
“Anyway, he took me right on home afterward, drove me right to my door. He gave me his phone number and told me to call him if I was ever in the mood again. That girls could give a guy a hard time, and there was no reason to go through life frustrated when there were people who would be glad to help a guy out.”
I asked Cary how he felt about the experience after it was over.
“I don’t know. Of course I got to realizing that he was a queer. That he got his kicks this way.”
“Did this make you contemptuous of him?”
“I don’t think so. See, I saw him as a guy first and later found out he was a fag. If it happened the other way around it might have been different. Like there have been guys who have said how they’ll go in a men’s room to take a leak and some man will come up out of the blue and make a grab for their cock. And if he did something like this I think it would have been a different story, like I might have hauled off and belted him because I was disgusted. But the way this guy got to me, I have to admit he was very smooth about it. He had my cock in his mouth before I really knew what the hell was coming off, and by that time I was in no mood to argue.”
“Did you worry that what you had done was abnormal?”