“No. I mean, I didn’t do anything, I just sat there. If he wanted me to blow him it would of been something else, but that never came up. He just wanted to blow me, and if you stop and think about it, what’s the difference between getting a blow job from a guy or a girl? Either way you sit there with your eyes closed and let your cock enjoy itself.”
“So there’s no difference between a blow job from a man or a woman?”
“Actually there is.”
“Oh?”
“Well, here I’m going to sound as though I’m queer myself, what I’m going to say, so you can think what you want to think. It doesn’t matter to me, just so I know what I am, and I don’t have any worries.”
“Go ahead.”
“Well, it’s better with a guy.”
“It’s better to be blown by a male?”
“Yeah. The act itself is. See, this is hard to explain. Since then a couple of times I’ve had girls blow me. As a matter of fact I ultimately got that girl, the baby-sitter, I got her to do it. I went on seeing her over a period of time and I eventually got her to jerk me off and finally to blow me, and she didn’t know what she was doing. And other girls who have done it to me, even the ones who enjoyed doing it, which the baby-sitter never enjoyed it, even then they don’t really know how to do it well.”
“I see.”
“The point is, there’s a lot of technique to it. There’s a tremendous difference between a good blow job and a bad blow job. Listen to me, the way I’m talking, like I’m the fucking king of the faggots the way it sounds. But it’s different from fucking.”
“How?”
“When you fuck a girl, maybe she’s good at it and maybe not, but either way you move around in her cunt and that’s enough to get you off. Even if she’s a lousy lay, even if she’s the next thing to unconscious, it can work out all right. But there’s more variation in blow jobs. There just is. And you get faggots who for them this is their whole thing, this is the big source of kicks for them, and they become experts at it.
“But at the same time, it’s more exciting for me to be blown by a girl because there’s a sense of accomplishment, getting a girl to do this. So the act itself isn’t as good, but the feeling you have about it is better. I don’t know if you can make head or tail out of it, but that’s the way I feel about it.”
Whatever guilt feelings may have arisen from the experience, they don’t seem to have affected Cary’s subsequent behavior to any extent. He telephoned the man who had fellated him on several occasions and enjoyed a repeat performance at the man’s apartment. Through his contact with this man, he began to learn a great deal about the homosexual underground and the way he could play a role in it.
“He told me that guys like me are known among faggots as rough trade. In other words, guys who aren’t queer themselves but who will let faggots blow them when they want to get relaxed sexually. He said that certain faggots preferred rough trade and would actually pay money to blow a guy.
“I suppose it was from what I learned from him that it first came to me to make the Times Square scene. Although I had gone to Times Square in the past, it was as if I didn’t know what was going on. Nobody ever came on to me there; I would just see a movie, maybe have a frank over at Grant’s or a slice of pizza... Maybe hang around a little. I would see the real queen types there but I didn’t know that the other guys who were hanging around were looking to get picked up by fags. But I got the message from what he told me, so later on when I went to Times Square I saw it in a different light, and I was able to stand around in such a way as to get myself picked up.
“Before that, though, I had learned you could score right there in Queens if you wanted to hitchhike around. I would ride a few blocks and then get out and catch another ride if nothing came up. I didn’t always score, but a lot of the time. Not for money, just to relieve myself after making out, or any time when I was feeling horny, because from that time on I almost never jerked off. I was able to give it up more or less completely because I could find a faggot to blow me, or sometimes to jerk me off, which is what a large number of them like to do.
“Some of the guys I hitched rides with also wanted to be blown in return, which I never did. I didn’t get mad when they wanted it because I expected they would ask me to, but I said I wouldn’t do it. I would jerk them off if they wanted me to. I mean, just using your hand on somebody for a few minutes, that’s usually not such a big deal.
“I did get money that way once, actually. This guy had blown me in a parked car and wanted me to blow him, and of course I refused, and he said how about jerking him off, and I hadn’t yet done this and I refused. He actually begged me, and I was going to do it just so he would shut up, but before I could agree he offered me five bucks to do it, so I thought, hell, why not? So I jerked him off onto a Kleenex and he gave me the five bucks, which is the first money I ever earned hustling, if you could call it hustling, just jerking a guy off in a car.”
Cary found the Times Square scene perfectly natural. Initial experiences there were pleasant ones, and he was gratified to receive money for his favors. Rather than set a price, he will tell a prospective John that he is low on money and will wait to see what sum is offered. He rarely haggles, generally accepting the sum offered, which may be as little as five dollars or as much as twenty.
Unlike some rough trade hustlers, he is not inclined to be contemptuous of his Johns, nor is he unwilling to see them as people. Often he will accept a dinner invitation in lieu of cash.
“A good meal and a couple of drinks in a nice place, that’s as good as five or ten bucks any time. As a matter of fact, I’ve had some really great conversations with faggots. Some of them are very interesting people, really educated. They’ve been to Europe, they’ve read all these books, but in spite of how much more they know, how much better educated they are than me, they’ll still take the trouble to have an intelligent conversation with me. A lot of what I know has come out of conversations with faggots.
“Now when Phillie and I rap on the way home, we’ll generally make fun of the guys on the street if we talk about them at all. I don’t know if Phillie really feels that way or not. Sometimes I think he says it for the same reason I say it, so we can be proving to each other that we’re not like those guys, which I think we’re not, but we have to come on with each other to this extent.
“Of course some of the faggots are a pain in the ass. You’ll get these snot-nose types who keep throwing it at you that they’re superior to you, that you’re just a dumb kid who’s only good in bed. And then you get a tremendous amount of uptight guys who don’t like to admit to themselves that they like to suck cock, and they won’t talk at all. Not a word after they make the arrangements, and then when they go down on you they seem to go into a trance, they get completely lost in it, and then afterward all they want to do is get out of the hotel room and go home without saying a word to you. They won’t even look at you. Which is fine with me, because they aren’t that much fun to be with.
“But as far as just despising a guy because he’s gay, I can’t see it. I mean, if a guy happens to get his kicks by blowing another man, that’s just his particular scene. It’s what he likes. I mean, I eat meat, and some people are into vegetarianism, which is no reason why I should hate them or they should hate me. Or one guy’s a Catholic and another’s a Jew and so on, and each person is whatever he is and that’s no reason not to get along with each other.
“The only thing that I wonder is if maybe I like it too much. I mean getting blown by faggots. Because I have to admit that I enjoy it. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I like it better than fucking a girl. If someone said you have to give up fucking girls I would say like forget it, man, I’m not about to.