“Popping round to the post?”
“Listen up, doc. I just told you.”
“Did you have any letters with you at the time?”
“Can’t remember.”
“The reason I ask,” I said, “is that when people go to the post they generally want to post something.”
He smiled. “Good one. Like it.” These memory lapses are a feature of the condition. Nathan didn’t appreciate that if a letter had been posted and delivered it would help corroborate his version of events.
Then he went into what I think of as his storyteller mode, one hand cupping his chin while the other unfolded between us as if he were a conjurer producing a coin. “Do you want to hear what happened?”
I nodded.
“There was I,” he said, “walking up the street.”
“Steven Street?”
“Yes.”
“On the right side or the left?”
“What difference does that make?”
According to Morgan, the detective inspector, number twenty-nine, the murder house, was on the left about a third of the way along. “I’m asking, that’s all.”
“Well, I wouldn’t need to cross, would I?” Nathan said. “So I was on the left, and when I got to Melrose-”
“Hold on,” I said. “We haven’t left Steven Street yet.”
“I have,” he said. “I’m telling you what happened in Melrose.”
“Did you notice anything in Steven Street?”
“No. Why should I?”
“Somebody told me about an incident there.”
“You’re on about that again, are you? I keep telling you I know nothing about a murder.”
“Go on, then.”
“You’ll never guess what I saw when I got to Melrose.”
That was guaranteed. His trips to the post were always impossible to predict. “Tell me, Nathan.”
“Three elephants.”
“In Melrose?” Melrose Avenue is a small suburban back street. “What were they doing?”
He grinned. “Swinging their trunks. Flapping their ears.”
“I mean, what were they doing in Melrose Avenue?”
He had me on a string now and he was enjoying himself. “What do you think?”
“I’m stumped. Why don’t you tell me?”
“They were walking in a line.”
“What, on their own?”
He gave me a look that suggested I was the one in need of psychotherapy. “They had a keeper with them, obviously.”
“Trained elephants?”
Now he sighed at my ignorance. “Melrose Avenue isn’t the African bush. Some little travelling circus was performing in the park and they were part of the procession.”
“But if it was a circus procession, Nathan, it would go up the High Street where all the shoppers could see it.”
“You’re right about that.”
“Then what were the elephants doing in Melrose?”
“Subsidence.”
I waited for more.
“You know where they laid the cable for the television in the High Street? They didn’t fill it in properly. A crack appeared right across the middle. They didn’t want the elephants making it worse, so they diverted them around Melrose. The rest of the procession wasn’t so heavy – the marching band and the clowns and the bareback rider. They were allowed up the High Street.”
The story had a disarming logic, like so many of Nathan’s. On a previous trip to the post he’d spotted Johnny Depp trimming a privet hedge in somebody’s front garden. Johnny Depp as a jobbing gardener. Nathan had asked some questions and some joker had told him they were rehearsing a scene for a film about English suburban life. He’d suggested I go round there myself and try to get in the film as an extra. I had to tell him I’m content with my career.
“It was a diversion, you see. Road closed to heavy vehicles and elephants.”
Talk about diversions. We’d already diverted some way from the double murder in Steven Street. “What I’d really like to know from you, Nathan, is why you came home that afternoon wearing a suit that didn’t fit you.”
This prompted a chuckle. “That’s a longer story.”
“I thought it might be. I need to hear it, please.”
He spread his hands as if he was addressing a larger audience. “There were these three elephants.”
“You told me about them already.”
“Ah, but I was anticipating. When I first spotted the elephants I didn’t know what they were doing in Melrose. I thought about asking the keeper. I’m not afraid of speaking to strangers. On the whole, people like it when you approach them. But the keeper was in charge of the animals, so I didn’t distract him. I could hear the sound of the band coming from the High Street and I guessed there was a connection. I stepped out to the end of Melrose.”
“Where the postbox is.”
“What’s that got to do with it?”
“When you started out, you were popping round to the post.”
“Now you’ve interrupted my train of thought. You know what my memory is like.”
“You were going towards the sound of the band.”
He smiled. “And I looked up, and I saw balloons in the sky. Lots of colours, all floating upwards. They fill them with some sort of gas.”
“Helium.”
“Thank you. They must have been advertising the circus. Once I got to the end of Melrose Avenue I saw a woman with two children and each of them had a balloon and there was writing on them – the balloons, I mean, not the children. I couldn’t see the wording exactly, but I guessed it must have been about the circus.”
“Very likely.” In my job, patience isn’t just a virtue, it’s a necessity.
“You may think so,” Nathan said, and he held up his forefinger to emphasize the point. “But this is the strange thing. I was almost at the end of Melrose and I looked up again to see if the balloons in the sky were still in sight and quite by chance I noticed that a yellow one was caught in the branches of a willow tree. Perhaps you know that tree. It isn’t in the street. It’s actually in someone’s garden overhanging the street. Well, I decided to try and set this balloon free. It was just out of reach, but by climbing on the wall I could get to it easily. That’s what I did. And when I got my hands on the balloon and got it down I saw that the writing on the side had nothing to do with the circus. It said Happy Birthday, Susie.”
Inwardly, I was squirming. I know how these stories progress. Nathan once found a brooch on his way to the post and took it to the police station and was invited to put on a Mickey Mouse mask and join an identity parade and say “Empty the drawer and hand it across or I’ll blow your brains out.” And that led on to a whole different adventure. “Did you do anything about it?”
“About what?”
“The happy-birthday balloon.”
“I had to, now I had it in my hands. I thought perhaps it belonged to the people in the house, so I knocked on the door. They said it wasn’t theirs, but they’d noticed some yellow balloons a couple of days ago tied to the gatepost of a house in Steven Street.”
“Steven Street?” My interest quickened. “What number?”
“Can’t remember. These people – the people in Melrose with the willow tree – were a bit surprised because they thought the house belonged to an elderly couple. Old people don’t have balloons on their birthdays, do they?”
“So you tried the house in Steven Street,” I said, giving the narrative a strong shove.
“I did, and they were at home and really appreciated my thoughtfulness. All their other balloons had got loose and were blown away, so this was the only one left. I asked if the old lady was called Susie, thinking I’d wish her a happy birthday. She was not. She was called something totally unlike Susie. I think it was Agatha or Augusta. Or it may have been Antonia.”