"Go ahead. A lot of stuff's still in storage. That's just what I couldn't bear to be parted from."
Joy Division, The Cure, Buzzcocks, UK Subs.
"What's your favourite Cure album?" he asked Howard.
"Oh, I don't know. Remind me which ones are up there."
"Seventeen Seconds, Pornography, Faith, Disintegration.. ."
"Er, I really don't know. Disintegration, perhaps."
"Mm-hmm. 'The Hanging Garden' is an amazing track, isn't it?"
"Fantastic."
Paul moved away from the CD collection and noticed an Ordnance Survey map folded up on the mantelpiece.
"I love OS maps," he said. "May I?"
"Of course."
Paul spread the map out on the coffee table. The conurbations of Blackburn, Accrington and Burnley looked like clots in the green lungs of Lancashire.
"Can you see Barnoldswick?" Howard asked, kneeling down next to Paul. "See how big it is considering it's not even on an A-road? That's because of the Rolls-Royce factory."
"Oh, right."
"All these little villages here — " Howard pointed to the section of the map between Burnley and the moors above Hebden Bridge, "- the roads just run into the hills and stop. Interesting places. Lots of unusual traditions and rituals…"
"Really?" Paul was interested, but they heard Penny calling everyone from the kitchen.
The children came running downstairs. Paul caught James and gave him a bear hug. As the boy struggled to get free, Paul ruffled his hair.
"Good kids," Howard said.
"Yeah, we're lucky. They leapt at the chance to come here so they could see Connor again."
Howard's lips stretched over his teeth in an approximation of a smile.
In the converted attic, Paul and Cassie lay side by side. Cassie was reading a Jackie Kay collection; in an effort to meet some new people, she had joined a book club. Paul was making inroads into a thriller by Stephen Gallagher but was finding it hard to concentrate.
"Cassie?"
"Hmm?" Not looking up.
"Don't you think they're a bit odd? Howard and Penny. Don't you think there's something about them that's not quite right?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm serious."
Finally, Cassie looked up. She closed her book but kept her place with a thumb.
"You've had too much to drink."
"I only had two beers."
"That second one was quite strong."
"Do you know what it was called? It was called Nightmare. Can you believe it?"
"Another local brew?" There was a faintly patronizing tone in Cassie's voice, as if she regarded the interest in local beers as endearing, a «boy» thing.
"It's actually from Yorkshire, but Yorkshire's just up the road. Something to do with the Legend of the White Horse."
"I hope it doesn't give you nightmares."
"I felt at times tonight as if I might be having one, actually."
"Was the hotpot a bit too fatty for you?"
"That was all right. It was the warm salad with black pudding I wasn't sure about."
"Faddy. I think Penny and Howard are very nice and they've been very kind."
"There's just something about them. It's hard to put my finger on. Howard thought 'The Hanging Garden' by the Cure was on Disintegration, but it's not. It's on Pornography."
"Big deal." A little impatience was starting to creep into Cassie's voice.
"But these were CDs he said he couldn't bear to be parted from. I just got the impression they were trying a bit too hard to get us to like them. Or trust them."
"Don't be silly. We just have some shared interests. Like stained glass."
Paul laughed. "I thought you and Penny were never going to shut up about stained glass at the dinner table."
"Common interests, that's all it is. Now do you think we could get some sleep? They said they'd show us a bit of the countryside in the morning."
But sleep was a long time coming, for Paul at least.
Paul wanted his dream to continue. In fact, he was convinced it would continue with or without him. The question was whether he could remain part of it. His journey towards full consciousness became a struggle between his strong attachment to the dream — the grammar and meaning of which were losing coherence by the second — and his acknowledgement of responsibility. The day, he sensed, was bringing anxiety, though from what quarter he did not know. Within a few more seconds the warp of reality had completely overpowered the weft of the dream and Paul felt a sudden, inexplicable panic. He sat up and hurriedly pulled on his clothes. Cassie woke and asked him what the matter was, but he couldn't bring himself to answer.
Seconds later he was taking the stairs two at a time down to the next floor, where the children had slept in Connor's bedroom. He opened the door. The room was as quiet as the rest of the house. The curtains were still drawn and the room was dark, but he saw instantly that not only was the bed empty, but the two sleeping bags were as well, left untidily where they lay like the discarded casings of chrysalises.
Paul backed out on to the landing and descended swiftly to the ground floor. Marching down the hall as if wading through treacle, he glanced into the living room, which looked no livelier than the bedroom, and approached the closed door that led to the kitchen. He watched as his hand reached out to open it and the next thing he saw was Penny standing at the sink and beyond her were James and Ellie sat at the table eating croissants and pains au chocolat with Connor. All three had chocolate rings around their mouths.
Paul felt confused and relieved at the same time. He said hello and accepted Penny's offer of a pot of tea and retreated, saying he would be back down in a minute. As he passed the living room he saw Howard bent over the coffee table studying the map.
"Morning," said Howard.
"Hi."
As Paul climbed the stairs, he tried to calm himself down, as there was clearly no sense in sharing any of this with Cassie. She met him on the first-floor landing and they went back down to the kitchen together.
Once breakfast was over and the children were dressed, everyone moved towards the front door. Paul and Cassie stepped onto the garden path. Paul took the bags to the car, while Cassie waited for the children. He packed the boot and leaned against the car, enjoying the view over the fields and feeling sheepish for his strange behaviour and yet pretty good about everything, considering. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, enjoying the purely physical sensation of filling and emptying his lungs. Over there were Blackburn, Accring-ton and Burnley, yet he could see nothing but green.
Cassie joined him and told him that the children wanted to go in Connor's car.
"Fine," he said and opened the driver's door to get in.
"Their car's around the back," Cassie said.
"No problem. We wait here, yeah?"
Cassie nodded and Paul looked in the rear-view mirror. It didn't matter how much the children might occasionally bicker in the back of the car, when they weren't there he missed them.
Two or three minutes went by and Howard and Penny still hadn't shown up. Paul kept checking the rear-view mirror.
"How long does it take to strap three kids into a car?" he asked.
Cassie shook her head.
"Maybe they're arguing over who sits where?" she said. "You know what they're like."
"Not usually when it's someone else's car," said Paul. "I daresay Howard's a safe driver," he added after a moment.
Cassie, who knew what was going through Paul's mind, said, "How do you drive when you have someone else's child in the back? Recklessly or even more safely than usual?"