Of course she had. She wanted this. This. So fiercely. The electricity in her belly, the warmth between her legs, the ache in her breasts, the way her breath caught in her throat. His mouth on hers. The taste of him. The solidness. The maleness of him.
He planted his palms above her shoulders and pressed forwards. His torso touched hers, and she put her arms around his neck. While he kissed her and while she kissed him back, she slid the fingers of both her hands up into his hair and brought him closer.
The past with Alec was exploded and had been since the moment they’d stepped out on the terrace. Now, she thought, This is Alec, this man who is holding me with such conviction. She couldn’t square this impossibility with her present condition, the heat that ran just beneath her skin, her desire to touch him, her desire to have him touch her. To do those hundred wicked things to him. And a few more besides.
They broke apart, not far, and he gripped her shoulders and rested his forehead against hers, waiting, she realized, for his breathing to settle. “I can’t wait. I can’t wait,” he said in a low voice, “until I am inside you.”
His bluntness shocked her. And aroused her. She wasn’t a prude, not by any means, but William had never expressed his desire for her in such frank words. She didn’t know if she ought to reply in kind and so said nothing.
Alec held her hand while he led her up the stairs. At the top, she could just make out the faint outline of the doorway. Which meant there was likely someone inside. A servant. His valet most probably. He straightened his coat and ran his fingers through his hair before he glanced at her to make sure she would be out of sight when he opened the door. She stayed to one side, out of the crescent of light that appeared on the floor and ceiling of the landing.
“Burns,” he said. He walked inside. His voice receded with his advance into the room. “I won’t need you tonight after all.”
She listened to the murmur of a male voice and then to silence.
“Goodnight, then. I’ll call you in the morning. When I’m ready.”
There was another silence, and then Alec appeared in the arc of light and reached through the doorway to grab her hand and bring her inside. Into his room. “Stay here.” His gaze held with hers until she nodded. As if she were capable of withdrawing now. She wasn’t that strong. He reached behind her and shot the bolt home on the staircase door.
He secured the other doors, too. He’d grown up in Frieth House, and this room, the master suite, had been his father’s — a fact she knew because she’d practically grown up here as the Fall family’s third daughter, even though she was no relation at all.
The room had changed very little from what she remembered. Alec’s father had been a man of simple tastes. Spartan, even, but kind. He’d never forgotten her if he had gifts for his own children. She’d loved him as if he’d been her real father.
The desk against the far wall was oak with a fold-out leaf presently lowered to show the drawers and cubby holes that would otherwise be hidden. In front of the desk was a plain oak chair. In the corner, there was a washstand with a white and blue basin and ewer, a towel nearby. The red highboy and armoire with an uncarved door were familiar sights. A tassel hung from the key still in the armoire lock. The bed was plain: no high posts, no canopy or hangings.
Frieth House was Tudor and, like the previous Falls, Alec’s father had modernized very little. The walls and ceiling were square panels of carved mahogany. The wide plank floor was covered with a carpet that had probably been in place for a hundred years.
Despite how little had changed since the last time Philippa had seen the room, there were signs everywhere of Alec’s imprimatur. Books on the desk, for example, one of them still open. Alec had always been an avid reader. At the foot of the bed was a black trunk with the coronet of his earldom painted on it in gold and silver, red and blue, with an occasional splash of yellow. A decanter of brandy sat on a table, a crystal tumbler next to it.
She walked to the centre of the room just as Alec came back from locking the last door. He headed to where she stood and stopped too close to her for a man who was only a friend. Too close for safety. Not close enough for a lover.
Her stomach fluttered. Alec seemed at once ineffably familiar and a complete stranger to her. The boy she’d known her entire life, the young gentleman with whom she had exchanged frank and even intimate letters, and this handsome, unknowable man whose touch made her feel alive.
“You haven’t changed your mind, have you?” he asked.
She shook her head.
“Good.”
In all the time she’d known him, not once had she seen him the way she did now. As a desirable man. A man of substance and weight, of a surprising gravitas considering his age. She studied him, trying to understand what had changed. However long she looked, she didn’t think she’d ever know. Her eyes saw a man now. A man she desired.
His irises were nearly black and his lashes were a thick, dark sweep across his cheeks. His father lived on in the angles of his face, the length of his nose, the distance between his eyes. The shape of his mouth was his mother. Sensitive, his lower lip slightly fuller than the upper. There was a dimple in his chin. She very much wanted to make love to him. To Alec.
“Lovely Philippa.” He pushed her shawl off her shoulders, catching it at the crooks of her elbows and pulling the cashmere away to drape over the desk chair. His touch, light as it was, sent a quiver through her body. “I can hardly believe you’re here.” He took her right hand and worked her glove off her fingers. “That it’s you,” he said as he did this. He drew her glove off her arm and glanced at her before he went to work on the other one. He took the fan dangling from her wrist and set that on the trunk. When he drew off her other glove, she pulled her hand back. His gaze met hers and desire roared through her.
He dropped her gloves on top of the trunk with her fan. A smile quirked his mouth, and she was reminded of the boy he’d been. His smile had always been infectious. The man before her had no hesitations about what he was doing. “You anticipate me wonderfully well.”
“I am relieved, My Lord.”
He reached for her left hand. Their bare skin touched. Hand to hand. The tips of his fingers slid over hers, once, slowly, over the wedding ring she still wore. “Do you miss him?”
“Yes.” She spoke over the lump in her throat.
“I miss him, too. His letters.” He slipped his arms around her waist and, as he pulled her close, he made a low sound in the back of his throat. Because he was a young and healthy man. Because he desired her.
The tension in her eased. She put her hands on his chest and slid them down to the first button of his coat. Her wedding band glittered on her finger. She unfastened the button.
His eyelids closed part-way. “Mm. What wickedness is this?”
“Wickedness?” She darted a look at him before she started on the next button. “You are in your private quarters, My Lord. Surely you can be comfortable here without thinking yourself wicked.”
“Perhaps you’re right.” He shrugged off his coat when she was done, but her hands followed the collar until the fine wool was sliding past his shoulders and down his arms until she could reach no further. He leaned away to drop his coat on the chair.
“I think, Philippa, that I am still not as comfortable as I might be. Tell me, what ought we to do about that?”