I thought it was all over then, but Todd wasn’t done. He bent me over his car and took me doggy style. You wouldn’t believe how deep he could get like that. And he was slow now. No hurry at all. It went on and on. He made me come the first time just from the way his cock moved. The second time he got me there by working on my clit while still going with that slow deep stretching in and out movement. My third orgasm was triggered when he spurted inside me.
My legs were shaking when he pulled out. I couldn’t move off the hood of his car, even though I could feel his come running down my thigh. I’d never come three times one after another like that. My mind had gone away completely, a bit like the way you lose your hearing after a gun goes off. I wanted to sleep right there.
Todd guided me back into the car. We drove to my house in silence. I don’t think I could have talked even if I’d wanted to. When we reached my house, Todd just waited for me to get out.
I struggled onto the curb and he said, “You have a great cunt, baby, but you’ve really gotta learn to give head. See you tomorrow.”
Then he drove off.
I lay on my bed thinking about what had happened. It was shameful. I knew that. Todd was using me and I was letting him. My cunt was sore. My legs ached. My pride wanted to say, “Screw you, Todd Rawlins.” I fell asleep still undecided about whether to see him again.
I was late for school the next day. By the time I got there, everyone seemed to know I was one of Todd’s girls. Not Todd’s girl. Just one of them. The drone-boys all found reasons not to be available that night. My ex-best friend told me I should be ashamed of myself.
After school, Todd was there with his shiny car and his big smile. We did it all again. The only difference was that I nearly threw up on him when he tried to push Mr Pecker down my throat.
At the time it seemed to me I was out of options. I couldn’t go back and I didn’t know how to go forward so I just let Todd go on fucking me. It lasted a whole month.
My cunt was sore by then. My mind was working loose from the corner I’d tied her up in and was shouting, “Stop this nonsense right now, young lady.” I gagged her because I didn’t want to hear it.
It ended when Todd called me and asked me to come over to his house. He said his parents were away and he wanted to show me something special.
I went because I couldn’t figure out how to say no.
When I got there the door was open so I went into the family room. Todd was on the big sofa watching a porno movie. Amy Shanks, universally known at school as Amy Skanks, was on her knees sucking his dick. I must have just stood there looking stunned.
Todd said, “Hi, baby. This is what I wanted to show you.” Then he turned to Amy and said, “Do it, baby.”
Amy looked at me. She held eye contact while she lowered her mouth onto Todd’s dick. She swallowed it. All of it. It made her throat bulge but it she swallowed it all. Todd placed his hand on the back of her head and started to move her up and down on his dick.
“Amazing, isn’t it?” Todd said. “And Amy here is gonna show you how it’s done. Come on over, baby and get a better look.”
My mind finally broke free of her bonds and all I heard was her shouting, “Run, Barbara, and don’t stop until you’re home in bed.”
I don’t remember getting home. I don’t remember anything until I woke up the next day. Then it all hit me. I was a slut. I had been a slut for months. Everybody but me knew that. And my grades. My grades had seemed so unimportant while I was slutting around but now I knew that they were dropping enough to put college at risk. I stayed in bed all day. And the next day.
Finally, I told my mom that there was a problem at school but I didn’t want to talk about it. I think maybe some of the neighbours had already been talking about it, because Mom quickly sorted things out without any questions. She arranged private tuition to rescue my grades. I worked hard. I made it to college.
But I still had a secret. The secret was that I had wanted to be fucked like that. I’d enjoyed it. I wanted more of it.
My mind was firmly back in control now and she tried hard to banish Miss Libido. She made me dress in baggy clothes and to stop even talking to boys. I became invisible again. But at night, before I fell asleep, my fingers would find my cunt and I would think of Todd and wonder if I would ever find anyone who could make me come like that ever again.
Helen is waiting for me to tell her what’s on my mind.
I manage a smile. “Remember when we talked about Todd that night? You were wonderful. And then you introduced me to Mark,” I say.
“Yeah, sorry about that,” Helen says. “He seemed like a nice guy at the time.”
“He was a nice guy at the time.”
We are both smiling now and I can finally say to Helen the thing that needs to be said. “Helen, about Peter…”
Helen’s smile goes. I feel her stiffen.
“I’m so sorry,” I say.
“It’s over now,” Helen says. She removes her hands from mine but manages a smile that almost reaches her eyes. “No harm done,” she says, moving towards the door. “Now stop moping and come and join the party.”
No harm done. I hope that’s true.
The day Mark left me, the day when I could have shrivelled up and nursed my sense of worthlessness, Helen rescued me. She knew that I was attracted to Peter. She’d told me that he was a little in love with me. We’d laughed about that. Imagine quiet Peter harbouring a passion for Barbara. That was back when Helen and I would trade stories about our husbands. When I still felt married. Before the lack of passion in my life made me feel dried up and useless and unlovable.
By the time I reached that Memorial Day barbecue it was painful for me to watch Helen and Peter together. I was like a starving beggar pressing my face against the window of a restaurant, tormented by the sight of food but unable to look away.
When Mark left the barbecue with some insultingly see-through excuse, I headed back to the cabin to cry and to feel sorry for myself.
Helen stopped me. She spoke softly. What she said surprised me. “We love you, Barbara. You deserve better. Let us care for you. Let me share Peter with you. Be with us for a while.”
I could tell that she was sincere and that what she was saying wasn’t springing spontaneously into her head. I knew what “share Peter” meant. Something in the way that Helen said it left no doubt.
Above all else, this felt like an act of friendship. I accepted it, my numb distress starting to be replaced by a sense of dislocation from reality.
The sex was fun.
Helen likes to tie Peter. I’d known that for a long time. Mark was always going on about how odd that was and how Helen “had Peter’s pecker in her pocket”. I couldn’t quite imagine it.
That night, Helen tied and blindfolded Peter and then we both… played with him. My memory of it is so clear. Time slowed down. I tried not to look at Helen. I was at such a high level of awareness that reality was too vivid to be anything but a dream. Peter surrendered himself to us. We took him in turns, never speaking, always preserving the convention that it could have been just the two of them in the room. But we all knew. And we all wanted it.
My orgasm was like a return to sanity. It sounds an extravagant claim, but it healed me. I felt, for the first time in a very long time, happy.
I moved in with Helen and Peter after that. I had my own room. There was no more sharing. But there was love and support and a space to learn to be me again.
Things might have been fine if the walls had been thicker, or if Helen had been less noisy when she came, or if Peter had not been just a little in love with me. I lay there at night and listened to them having sex. I could tell they were trying to be quiet, but there would always be that last moment in which Helen lost control. I would close my eyes and try to remember Peter being inside me. I would try to come when Helen came.