"I'm looking for Ayla. Have you seen her?"
Latie sighed, then smiled in a friendly way.
"Yes, she was watching Tricie's baby for a while. Mamut is looking for her, too."
"Don't blame them all, Ayla," Mamut said. They were sitting outside in the warm sunshine, in the shade of a big alder bush. "There were several who disagreed. I was one."
"I don't blame you, Mamut. I don't know if I blame anyone, but why can't they see? What makes people hate them so much?"
"Maybe because they can see how much we are alike, so they look for differences." He paused, then continued, "You should go to the Mammoth Hearth before tomorrow, Ayla. You can't be joined until you do. You're the last one, you know."
"Yes, I suppose I should," Ayla said.
"Your reluctance is giving Vincavec hope. He asked me again today if I thought you were considering his offer. He said, if you didn't want to break your Promise, he was going to talk to Ranec about accepting him as a co-mate. His offer could increase your Bride Price substantially, and give very high status to all of you. How would you feel about it, Ayla? Would you be willing to accept Vincavec as a co-mate with Ranec?"
"Vincavec said something about that on the hunt. I'd have to talk to Ranec and see how he feels about it," Ayla said.
Mamut thought she showed remarkably little enthusiasm, either way. This was a bad time for a joining, with her grief still so strong but with all the offers and attention, it was hard to counsel waiting. He noticed that she was suddenly distracted, and turned to see what she was watching. Jondalar was coming toward them. She seemed nervous and took a step as though she was in a hurry to go, but she couldn't just break off her conversation with Mamut so abruptly.
"There you are, Ayla. I've been looking for you. I'd like to talk to you."
"I'm busy with Mamut now," she said.
"I think we're through, if you want to talk to Jondalar," Mamut said.
Ayla looked down, and then at the old man, avoiding Jondalar's troubled gaze, then said softly, "I don't think we have anything to say to each other, Mamut."
Jondalar felt his face drain, then a shock of blushing heat. She had been avoiding him! She didn't even want to talk to him. "Uh… well, uh… I'm… I'm sorry I bothered you," he said, backing away. Then, wishing he could find a place to hide, he rushed off.
Mamut observed her closely. After he left, she watched him go, her eyes even more troubled than his. He shook his head, but refrained from speaking as they walked together back to Lion Camp.
As they neared, Ayla noticed Nezzie and Tulie coming toward them. Rydag's death had been hard on Nezzie. Just the day before she had brought what was left of his medicine back, and they had both wept. Nezzie didn't want it around as a sad reminder, but wasn't sure if she should throw it away. It made Ayla realize that with Rydag gone, the need to help Nezzie treat him was gone, too.
"We were looking for you, Ayla," Tulie said. She seemed delighted with herself the way someone would who had been planning a big surprise, and that was rare for the big headwoman. The two women opened out something that was carefully folded. Ayla's eyes opened wide, and the two women looked at each other and grinned. "Every bride needs a new tunic. Usually it is the man's mother who makes it, but I wanted to help Nezzie."
It was a stunning garment of golden yellow leather, exquisitely and ornately decorated; certain sections of it were solidly filled in with designs in ivory beads, highlighted by many small amber beads.
"It's so beautiful, and there's so much work in it. The beadwork alone must have taken days and days. When did you make it?" Ayla asked.
"We started it after you announced your Promise, and finished it here," Nezzie said. "Come in the tent and try it on."
Ayla looked at Mamut. He smiled and nodded. He had been aware of the project, and even conspired with them in the surprise. The three women went into the tent, and toward Tulie's sleeping section. Ayla undressed, but she wasn't quite sure how to wear the garment. The women put it on her. It was a specially made tunic that opened down the front, and was tied closed with a finger-woven sash of red mammoth wool.
"You can wear it closed like this if you just want to wear it to show someone," Nezzie said, "but for the ceremony, you should open it like this." She pulled back the top of the front opening and retied the sash. "A woman proudly shows her breasts when she is joined, when she brings her hearth to form a union with a man."
The two women stepped back to admire the bride-to-be. She has breasts to be proud of, Nezzie thought. Mother's breasts, that she can nurse with. Too bad she has no mother here to be with her. She would make any woman proud.
"Can we come in now?" Deegie said, peeking in the tent. All the women of the Camp came in then to admire Ayla in her finery. It seemed they all were in on the surprise.
"Close it now, so you can go outside and show the men, Nezzie said, closing and retying the mating tunic again. "You shouldn't wear it open in public until the ceremony.
Ayla stepped outside the tent to the smiling approval and pleasure of the men of the Lion Camp. Others, who were not of the Lion Camp, were watching her as well. Vincavec had known of the surprise, and made a point of being close by. When he saw her, he resolved that in some way he was going to join with her, if he had to co-mate with ten men.
Another man who was not of the Lion Camp, though most thought of him in that way, was watching, too. Jondalar followed them back, not quite willing to accept her rebuff, or even believe it. Danug told him, and he waited with the others. When she first stepped out, he filled his eyes with the sight of her, then he closed them and his forehead furrowed with pain. He had lost her. She was showing her intention to join with Ranec the next day. He took a deep breath and clamped his teeth together. He could not stay to see her joined with the dark-skinned carver of the Lion Camp. It was time for him to leave.
After Ayla changed back into her regular clothing and left again with Mamut, Jondalar hurried into the tent. He was glad to find it empty. He packed his traveling gear, thanking Tulie again in his mind, laid out everything he would take, and then covered it with a sleeping fur. He planned to wait until morning, say goodbye to everyone, and leave immediately after breakfast. He wouldn't tell anyone until then.
During the day Jondalar visited with special friends he had made at the Meeting, not saying goodbye, but thinking it. In the evening he spent time with each member of the Lion Camp. They were like family. It was going to be hard leaving, knowing he would never see them again. It was even harder finding a way to talk to Ayla, at least once more. He watched her, and when she and Latie went out to the horse lean-to, he quickly followed them.
The words of their conversation were superficial and uncomfortable, but there was an intensity about him that filled Ayla with an uneasy tension. When she went back in, he stayed and brushed the young stallion until it got dark. The first time he saw Ayla, she was helping Whinney give birth, he remembered. He'd never seen anything like that before. It was going to be hard leaving him, too. Jondalar felt more for Racer than he ever thought it was possible to feel for an animal.
Finally he went in the tent, and crawled into his bed. He closed his eyes, but sleep would not come. He lay awake and thought of Ayla, of their time in the valley and their love that grew, slowly. No, not so slowly. He loved her from the beginning, he had just been slow to recognize it, slow to appreciate it, so slow he lost it. He threw away her love, and he would pay for the rest of his life. How could he have been so stupid? He would never forget her, or the pain of losing her, and he would never forgive himself.