They all looked surprised at his words. Peter Glover looked surprised himself. Mercy Altebopper blinked. Dr. Umpmeyer cupped his ear. Professor Rumpkis belched.
All three gestures signified approval of Glover’s words.
“We can’t abolish R.O.T.C., though,” the chancellor said. “There are some students who want it.”
“How about putting it up to a student referendum,” Jonathan Relevant suggested, “and abiding by a majority vote?”
“That’s a good idea.” The chancellor looked at Jonathan Relevant. “Say, who are you, anyway?” he inquired. “ I mean, what are you doing here? Do you represent the students, or the faculty, or what?”
“I was wondering the same thing,” Minerva said.
“Well, neither actually,” Jonathan Relevant told them.
“Then you really have no business being here,” the chancellor said mildly.
“I was just going to say that,” Minerva agreed.
The others all nodded and looked at Jonathan Relevant.
“If my presence bothers you, I’ll leave,” he said.
They looked at each other and shrugged. Nobody really cared. Jonathan Relevant stayed.
Most of the demands of the Afro-American students seem reasonable enough,” the chancellor granted. “But two of them present difficulties. I refer to the statue and to the demand for total amnesty.”
_ SDS has the same demands,” Minerva Kaufman interjected softly.
“The statue has to stay intact.” G. P. yawned. “It’s a matter of black manhood.”
“I think a compromise might be worked out here too,” Jonathan Relevant suggested. “That is, if the administration will go along with total amnesty.”
“But the statue is obscene!” one of the alumni said.
“Is it?” Jonathan Relevant asked. “Is it really?”
“Well, any case it’s a distortion of reality,” the other alumnus said. “At least I think it is. Isn’t it?” he asked G. P. directly.
“At your age do you really care?” the chancellor wondered.
“Some men never stop competing,” Peter Glover murmured. “It’s—-”
“—-the American way.” They all chimed in to finish the sentence for him. And then they all smiled at each other without rancor.
“Sure it’s an exaggeration,” G. P. admitted. “But so what? Lots of art is an exaggeration.”
“Somebody mentioned a compromise,” Professor Rumpkis remembered.
“Could be.” G. P. smiled sweetly. “But first what about amnesty?”
“I just don’t think the trustees would stand for it,” Chancellor Hardlign said sorrowfully. '
“Oh, I don’t know,” one of the alumni said. “Why be vengeful?”
Chancellor Hard1ign’s jaw dropped open and he stared at him in astonishment. “But before you said they should all be expelled and jailed,” he reminded the alumnus.
"Well, perhaps I was hasty,” the alumnus answered.
“Yes. These children seem reasonable enough.” The second alumnus beamed at G. P. and Minerva. “If we can settle things, I don’t see why we should be punitive.”
“What is the compromise on the statue?” Chancellor Hardlign asked.
Jonathan Relevant explained about covering the Angel Gabriel’s offending member with a Swahili loincloth. Broad smiles broke out as the group grasped the compromise. An ideal solution, they all agreed.
It was also agreed that they should disband for an hour while the agreement was drawn up by the chancellor’s secretary, and then return to sign it. They parted amicably, the chancellor and the alumni proudly sporting new love beads, G. P. and Minerva waving Harnell U pennants. Peace and tranquility marked all of their attitudes, each toward the others.
But when they reassembled, peace and tranquility were noticeably absent. Hostility had replaced them. Jonathan Relevant caught the first hint of the change when he bumped into G. P. on his way back to the Administration Building.
“Right on, Brother Cleaver!” G. P. greeted him with a clenched fist.
A moment later Jonathan Relevant met the chancellor. “The first thing we have to do is reestablish discipline,” he told Jonathan Relevant.
Jonathan Relevant sniffed as he reentered the meeting room. The effects of the universal deodorant had worn off. The odor of adrenal glands pumping up aggressions was marked. And if Jonathan Relevant had had any lingering doubts about it, they were dispelled by the opening words of one of the alumni.
“I’m not even going to sit down at the same table with her!” he snarled, pointing at Minerva Kaufman. “I know a wise-ass New York Jew commie when I see one!” The alumnus hated New York because the one and only time he’d been there a peace demonstrator had insulted him, a cabdriver had overcharged him, and a call girl had laughed in his face when he’d been unable to perform. He hated Jews because seventeen years ago he’d; bought a secondhand car from a Jewish salesman and the transmission had dropped out of it before he’d gone ten miles. He defined communists as anybody to the left of Lester Maddox and hated them because he was convinced they were responsible for the graduated income tax.
Minerva Kaufman flushed, started to answer, and then stopped herself. Deliberately, vehemently, she wrapped her arms around G. P. and kissed him. “B1ack and white together, we shall overcome!” she proclaimed in a voice shaking with anger.
“I heard that before, baby, and I don’t buy it!” G. P; disengaged himself. “I don’t want to be together with white folks. I just want them off my back.”
“That’s an extremely impertinent attitude, young man!” the chancellor remonstrated.
“Now how are we supposed to absorb these people into industry when that’s their attitude?” Peter Glover added.
“The hell with them!” the second alumnus said succinctly.
“History shows that if you give these radicals an inch--” Professor Rumpkis burped.
“The faculty has to side with the students against the fascistic old fogeys running this university!” Mercy Altebopper cried.
“Can’t any of you people speak up so a man can hear?” Dr. Umpmeyer bared his teeth.
“Excuse me,” Jonathan Relevant interrupted, “but I’d just like to remind you that the reason we all came back here was to sign the terms upon which we’ve all agreed.”
“I’m not going to sign anything committing Condom-Inium to limiting its researches at Harnell” Peter Glover declared.
“Listen,” Jonathan Relevant whispered in his ear urgently, “I have it on reliable authority that they’re prepared to give you a free hand at M.I.T.”
“Really? But what about the students protesting there?”
“The M.I.T. administration is going to take a firm stand. It will be a much more stable situation than here at Harnell.”
“Is that so?” Peter Glover searched the Melvin Laird-ish face of Jonathan Relevant. What he saw there convinced him. “Very well then.” He signed.
Jonathan Relevant put his arms around the shoulders of the two alumni and they huddled off to one side. “Listen,” he said to them, “we’re in a position to get in on the bottom of a very good thing. Condom-Inium holds the rights to that universal deodorant. You saw what happened here. The Pentagon will have to be impressed. That means government contracts. And we’re lucky. The move to M.I.T. is just the delay we need to get our brokers to start picking up Condom-Inium stock slowly without shooting the price up. What you’ve got here at Harnell is peanuts by comparison. So let’s sign this silly agreement and get back to business.”
“He’s right. We’d better get cracking before those goddam Wall Street Jews get wind of it.” The first alumnus signed.
“It’s Harnell’s loss, but what the hell! A man’s got to look out for himself.” The second alumnus signed.
The two alumni left with Peter Glover.