“Am I facing some sort of charges?”
“As I understand it, not at the moment. You’ve merely been summoned to appear as a witness in connection with the Harnell disturbances. Still, there are things about your position which I confess frankly I don’t understand myself.”
“Such as?”
“You seem to be very important to a great many people -—people who are themselves very important-—-for reasons which aren’t clear to me.”
“What people?”
“This sub-committee, for one. And the Russians . . ."
“The Russians?”
“Yes. They’ve sent us word through our ambassador in Moscow that they will support Alcatraz to the fullest in any action Alcatraz takes in your behalf. On the other hand, the President of the United States is interested.”
“For or against?”
“I’m not sure. All I can tell you is that he’s expedited my presence here and has let it be known to me that he Would not look unkindly on anything I do which keeps the power of the committee in check.”
One of the doors opened and one of the guards gestured to Judge Tutored Foot. The judge went over to him, spoke a moment, and then returned to Jonathan Relevant. “The sub-committee is about to convene,” he told him. “You’re the only witness scheduled today. So they’ll be calling us soon. If you have any other questions, now is the time to ask them.”
“I have one question,” Jonathan Relevant told him.
“Yes?”
“Don’t you find it drafty in that breechcloth?”
“It’s not just drafty. It’s damned uncomfortable. Outside of ready access for purposes of scratching, it’s a completely impractical garment for the world today. Either I find my bare behind sticking to leatherette, or else I’m the victim of self-imposed strangulated hernia when the damn thing rides up on me!”
“Then why do you wear it?”
“Ordinarily I don’t. On Alcatraz I Wear an ordinary blue-serge suit. But off the ‘Rock,’ it becomes a matter of image—sort of a reminder to Whitey that the genocide of the redman isn’t quite complete yet, a reminder that he shouldn’t sleep too soundly nights, a reminder—hopefully—to make his guilty scalp itch.”
The door to the hearing chamber opened again. The guard stood aside, indicating that they should enter. Jonathan Relevant followed Judge Tutored Foot into the other room. “It’s a closed hearing,” the judge whispered to Jonathan Relevant as they walked down the aisle. “The press and the public are excluded.”
“Why are their backs to us?” Jonathan indicated the long table at which the Senators were sitting. “And why is there that glass wall between their table and ours?”
“The wall is bulletproof. Some of the witnesses at these hearings have been known to become violent. It’s there to protect the Senators. It’s called a ‘Van Gogh.’ ”
“Why is it called that?”
“It was put up after an incident involving Senator Van Gogh, head of the special Senate sub-committee to investigate Communist infiltration into the field of modern painting. Senator Van Gogh told an artist who was a witness before the committee that his work struck him as obscure. The artist responded by hurling a palette knife which sliced off the Senator’s left ear.”
“Well, I suppose art demands some sacrifices,” Jonathan Relevant observed. “But I still don’t understand Why they’re sitting with their backs to us.”
“To keep from being harassed.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“You see this microphone here? Well, you speak to the sub-committee through it. In the past, when witnesses became disruptive, the mike would be shut off. Then, during the investigation into the Yippies, some of the disruptive witnesses resorted to visual abuse. A few of them lowered their pants and ‘mooned’ at the Senators. Some disrobed completely. Some had various obscene words tattooed on various parts of their anatomies. Anyway, since those hearings, the Senators don’t face the witnesses.”
“It doesn’t sound like a very communicative atmosphere. Why don’t they just interrogate the witnesses over the telephone?”
“They probably would if they weren’t afraid that the wires were tapped.”
“You mean by some other government agency?”
“Yes. And by each other. . . . Ahh, the chairman has arrived.”
“Which one is he?”
“The one in the center with the completely bald dome with the corrugations. Senator Schizoid from South Carolina.”
“Who are the others?”
“From left to right, the gray head parted in the center is Senator Compromise from Connecticut, the crew-cut no-neck is Senator Minstrel from California, then Senator Schizoid, the black neck-nape is the Negro Senator Carver from Massachusetts, and the redheaded fringe shaped like a target is Senator Wingright from Arizona. Compromise and Carver are the two moderates on the sub-committee. The others are pretty conservative. . . . Here we go. They’re going to swear you in.”
A clerk with his back to Jonathan Relevant administered the oath. Then the corrugated bald dome bobbed and Senator Schizoid kicked off the questioning. “Your name is Jonathan Relevant and counsel representing you is Judge Tutored Foot.”
“Yes, sir.” Jonathan Relevant felt no click of identity.
“Now that’s downright interesting. Now, Mr. Relevant, just exactly what is your connection with the communist-inspired insurrection of savages on Alcatraz Island?”
“There is none.” With their backs to him, that automatic rapport didn’t work.
“Then how do you explain your selection of counsel.”
“I object.” Judge Tutored Foot was on his feet. “I’m going to instruct my client not to answer that question on the grounds that it’s not germane to the reason he was called to give testimony before this sub-committee.”
“All right, Judge Foot.” The wrinkled dome nodded good-humoredly. “I’ll withdraw the question. You people are right quick on the uptake. Tricky too. I’m always telling my friends at the Defense Department we could learn a thing or two from those savages.”
“Thank you, Senator. We’ll do our best to teach you a thing or two.” Judge Foot sat back down.
“All right, Mr. Relevant,” Senator Schizoid continued. “Are you a communist?”
“No.”
“Are you acquainted with one Abby Hoffman?”
“N0."
“Dave Dellinger?"
“N0.”
“Jerry Rubin?”
“No.”
“Aaron Burr?”
“No.”
“Benedict Arnold?”
“No.”
“Tom Hayden?”
“No.”
“Rennie Davis?”
“No.”
“But you do know who these people are?”
“Yes?”
“Well, we make progress. Now, in August of 1968 did you cross the Illinois state line as part of a conspiracy to —"
“Objection.” Judge Tutored Foot interrupted. “Harnell University is not in the State of Illinois. I move that all of these questions and answers be stricken from the record as not pertinent to these proceedings.”
“What’s he doing off the reservation anyway?” The red-fringed head of Senator Wingright wagged back and forth angrily.
“Mr. Chairman, couldn’t we get right down to the meat of the matter?” Senator Compromise suggested.
“I defer to the judgment of the senior Senator from Connecticut.” The corrugated bald dome bowed mockingly.
“All right, Mr. Relevant, let’s get to Harnell. Now we know that one of the things that always triggers these college disturbances is the arrival of an outside agitator. You do admit that the trouble there started right after your arrival on the campus?”
“Yes, sir. But I had nothing to do with it.”