DAN: Then you didn’t claim to be the Son of God?
JOHN: Began as a schoolhouse and ended as a temple. I said I had a master that was greater than myself. I never said he was my father. I wanted to teach what I learned. I never claimed to be king of the Jews, I never walked on water, I never raised the dead. I never spoke of divine except in the sense of human goodness on earth. (pause)
No wise men came from the East to worship at a manger… I did do a little healing with some eastern medicine I’d learned… That’s it.
DAN: The three wise men began as a myth about the birth of the Buddha.
HARRY: John, I should be home, uh, kissing my wife. We’re all here, trapped by your story…hoping for a…revolution? I don’t know. Are there any, uh…more revelations for us?
John shakes his head, smiling.
DAN: It’s just like old times.
EDITH: (after a pause, glaring at John, and then firmly, again) You. Weren’t. Jesus.
HARRY: Quote the Sermon on the Mount.
JOHN: Which one? Darby? King James? New American Standard?
EDITH: Do you know them all?
JOHN: No one knows the one, not even me. I… I did some teaching on a hill one day. Not that many people stayed.
DAN: But you…
JOHN: Biblical Jesus said, "Who do you think I am?" He gave them a choice. I’m giving you one.
EDITH: (timidly, her voice quivering, eyes tearing up) W-were you?
JOHN: If I said no, could you ever be sure?
Edith’s lips quiver, and she suddenly lets out a sob. Art switches the light on to break the spell.
WILL: (stepping forward) Turn that off. Please.
John turns off the music.
WILL: This has gone far enough.
Edith sobs again.
WILL: It’s gone much too far. These people are very upset. I don’t believe you’re mad, but what you’re saying is not true. That leaves only one explanation. The time has come when you must admit this is a hoax… a lie. Isn’t that true, John?
If you don’t drop this now— If you can— I’ll be convinced that you need a great deal of attention. I can have you committed for observation. You know that. I ask you now— I demand it— That you tell these people the truth. Give them closure. It’s time, John. Please.
Long, tense pause…
JOHN: End of the line. Everybody off.
DAN: Whaaat?!
JOHN: It was a story. (hands raised, rising to his feet and pacing) It was all a story.
Edith sobs in relief.
ART: Good god!
DAN: Another fairy tale?
EDITH: (sobbing) All of it? But what— What in the name of heaven…
ART: (angrily) John, you had us wondering whether you were sane or not, and it’s just a story! Where’d you come off with such a half-baked, asinine idea?
JOHN: At least you’re relieved I’m not a nut.
ART: I’d prefer you were!
JOHN: You gave me the idea. All of you.
DAN: Come again?
JOHN: Edith saw my fake Van Gogh.
EDITH: You could have just told me.
JOHN: You commented that I never age. You gave me the book on early man. Dan, you spotted the burin and you said, "If stones could speak."
DAN: I knew it.
JOHN: I got the notion, I ran it past you to check your reactions, and I took it too far.
DAN: Too far? Check my reaction?
JOHN: You asked if I was a figure from religious history, if there were others like me, if I’d created future identities. We were chasing our tails around the maypole, enjoying the mystery, the analytical stretch. You were playing my game! I was playing yours.
DAN: Oh, man, you know, you had us going, right? You were good, man. You know those Chinese boxes, one, inside the other, inside the other, inside the other— I feel like I’m in the— I’m in the— I’m in the last box. You son of a… (pause) BITCH! How could you do this to us?
EDITH: (angrily) I was worried about you.
JOHN: I know, I was tempted to cop out many times, but I couldn’t resist seeing whether or not you could refute what I was saying. I had the perfect audience— anthropologist, archaeologist, Christian literalist… A psychologist.
ART: Okay, I’ve had enough of this. I’m outta here. You wanna come? Let’s go.
HARRY: So, John. Are you gonna write the story?
JOHN: If I do, I’ll send you copies.
ART: Don’t bother with mine, okay? You are absolutely certifiable. I don’t know you! (storms out)
LINDA: It was nice seeing you again, Dr. Oldman. …Your name’s a pun, isn’t it? Old man? Did that help you with your story?
ART: (calling out) Linda!
LINDA: (waves nervously, smiling) Bye.
JOHN: Well, Art was half right.
HARRY: (sniggers) Which half?
…Well, at least I don’t have to throw away half of what I know about biology.
DAN: Which half? It’s a beautiful idea, so rich, so full of possibilities.
JOHN: (to Will) Perhaps you should write a paper on it, Doctor.
WILL: Maybe I will. I’ll interview you in the rubber room for further details. You may still need help, my friend.
John grabs a bag and heads out. Sandy scrambles to her feet and rushes after him.
SANDY: My ass.
JOHN: I thought it sounded pretty good.
SANDY: They believe you because they have to. But the one thing that I know about you is that you would never use people or abuse their goodwill and intelligence like they think you’ve just done to them.
JOHN: Psych 101?
SANDY: No, it’s Woman, one-on-one. So you’re a pretty fast liar, Mr. Ugg, but I wanna know— What’s your real name?
JOHN: Believe it or not, the sound was always John.
SANDY: Why’d you cave to Gruber?
JOHN: What happened was enough. Just— Just needed to stop. I—I shouldn’t have expected it to work.
SANDY: Fourteen thousand years old. I bet that’s a lot of women.
JOHN: Oh, are we counting?
SANDY: Maybe.
HARRY: (coming out, Edith following) Well, I’m taking Edith home. Sandy?
SANDY: I’m gonna stay.
EDITH: (surveying John)…Are you sorry for some of those things you said?
JOHN: I’m sorry I said them.
EDITH: Well. Like a good Christian, I….. Oh, John. (hugs John, he lifts her up giving her a tight hug) Oh! Well, you did a terrible thing, but we’re all so thankful you’re all right. Even Art— He just hates things he can’t understand.
HARRY: You’re a sadist, John, but I admit I got a kick out of chasing my tail around your maypole… even if that is all I caught. Good luck to you. (shakes John’s hand) Wish you the best.
JOHN: Thank you.
HARRY: Ready?
Edith puts her hand on John’s face, and gives him a kiss on the cheek. They depart
HARRY: — Later!
SANDY: — Okay, good night.
Dan comes out, hugs Sandy from the side.
SANDY: Mmm. (to John) I don’t know, man. Something about this… Something about you, John. The more I think about it, the more I’m no longer in that Chinese box. (Inhaling deeply) I sense…space. A kinda latitude of what we happily call reality, in which, as everybody keeps saying… anything’s possible.
JOHN: Yes.
DAN: No. N-no. N-no. No— No more words. I’m gonna go home, and I’m gonna watch Doctor Who for a dose of sanity. Good luck to you, man, wherever this may lead you…You drop me a line, sometime. Let me know how you’re making out.