16
failing.”
17
“And so you’re punishing yourself because you did 18
good?” I asked.
19
He laughed. “Yes,” he said. “Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes yes.
20
I did the right thing and the whole world, my whole 21
world, fell apart. I realized that the fact of my failure was 22
good in one way. But even though thousands may have 23
been spared, that is not important. In order for man to 24
survive as a species, there has to be people like me. People 25
have to die for others to produce. The deaths are wrong, 26
but the continuation of the world is more important.”
S 27
“So then you have been doing the right things. So R 28
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1
there’s nothing wrong with you. And if that’s true then 2
why would you feel that you need to be punished?”
3
Bennet sat back in his chair with all the certainty and 4
fear of a despot awaiting his long-overdue execution.
5
“I was arrested once in Uganda. There was no trial; I 6
was just taken to prison. I was beaten and tortured” — he 7
leaned forward to indicate the scars on his shoulder —
8
“and then left to contemplate my sins in a small cell. Pain 9
is a part of life and I’ve always accepted the fact of death.
10
But the time I spent in that cell, though I hated it while I 11
was there, was like a gap in the thoroughfare that had 12
been my life. Like the road just stopped and then there 13
was a forest. A black forest, thick and dark, with no 14
promise at all.
15
“My life stopped in that cell. And my worst enemy was 16
everything that I knew. The blood work I’ve done. It was 17
the worst experience I ever had. As the days went by, I got 18
sick on the magnitude of what I had done. When they 19
released me, I had to be hospitalized. I gashed my own 20
thigh with a bayonet so that no one would realize how 21
precarious my mind had become.
22
“As bad as that time in prison was, I wanted to go 23
back — to face the evil and accept the accusations in my 24
own mind. That’s why I came here. I had no idea that 25
you’d do the dictator one better by turning out the lights.
26
“I came here hoping to make a statement to myself. To 27 S
isolate and punish the part of me who sees the evil. The 28 R
only real way to be punished is to recognize and pay for 218
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The Man in My Basement
your deeds. But when I was in that darkness, hating you, 1
I saw everything all over again. I remembered checking 2
the situation in Rwanda every day for over a year. We 3
knew it was going to blow up down there. And then I 4
remembered walking along the streets of the dead. In 5
the darkness here, I can almost feel them. My own 6
body odors are reminiscent of the smell of death. I could 7
understand how the sweat and gasses become stronger 8
when you die and then they leak out of you. And it’s so 9
dark and your heart is still beating, but death might be 10
like that.
11
“I could not have stopped the massacre of the people 12
there. I could not have changed the history set in motion 13
centuries ago. And if I tried I would have lost all my 14
power. I would have become like an ant under the foot of 15
another man like me.”
16
“I still don’t get it, Mr. Bennet. Why here? Why me?”
17
“At first it was just a joke. Not a joke on you, Charles. I 18
like you. You have a lot of potential. I chose you so that 19
Anniston Bennet, the whitest white man that I could 20
think up, would be jailed by a black man who really was 21
a blue blood in American history. But then, when I got to 22
know more about you, it seemed that you were my oppo-23
site in many more ways. You have done very little with 24
your life, haven’t you? No profession, no job. You have 25
never completed one project. You’ve never made a woman 26
pregnant or voted, as far as I can tell. You quit school.
S 27
“Your whole life could be called a failure. Every second R 28
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Walter Mosley
1
up until this moment has been wasted. But still you are 2
truly innocent while I, who have changed the course of 3
nations, am not worthy to call you friend.”
4
There was a fanatic tone to Bennet’s words. Because of 5
this I didn’t pay much attention, at that moment, to the 6
insults he gave me. Later on, after he was gone, I thought 7
about what he had said. There wasn’t much that I could 8
disagree with. He was evil and I was a failure; maybe that 9
was the difference between the good and bad people of 10
the world.
11
“Can I stay?” he asked again.
12
“What do you expect to get out of staying down here?”
13
“I just don’t want to leave yet, Warden. I need a little 14
more time to think about all this.”
15
“It sounds like you got it all figured out already,” I said.
16
“To save the world or whatever, you’ve got to be a 17
badass.”
18
“The words I say to you are just words. But the child I 19
sold into death, the corpses I robbed — these are the 20
truths that I can no longer avoid. I have to make peace 21
with them. I have to make peace with them or I’ll go 22
crazy.”
23
You’re not too far from that already, I thought to myself.
24
“Just another week,” he said. “Just seven more days.”
25
“Let me think about it.”
26
“Thank you, Charles. Thank you,” he said.
27 S
28 R
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1
2
3
4
26
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
I brought him breakfast and didn’t unlock the cage, so C 14
he could stay for at least the day. Maybe I’d free him that 15
evening — that’s what I thought.
16
He wanted to talk more, but I refused. Just the few hints 17
at the violence and pain he had caused set off a shaking in-18
side me. I wandered around the floor of my house; then I 19
tried to read a book. My mouth was producing too much 20
saliva, and I had to swallow and spit continually. I had gas 21
pains relieved only by foul-smelling farts. My fingers and 22
toes felt numb. My teeth hurt at the gums.
23
I was scared to death. I felt like a man riding an ava-24
lanche; it was only a matter of time before I’d be plowed 25
under and crushed.
26
I wanted my mother or father. Even a bad word from S 27
R 28
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Uncle Brent would have been a relief from my fears. I 2
went to the liquor cabinet but couldn’t stomach the idea 3
of drinking.
4
Finally I sat down on the floor in the middle of the liv-5
ing room and closed my eyes. It was something I had 6
done when I was a small boy. When everything got too 7