exciting, I’d sit on the floor and think about the shadows 8
on my eyelids. On a sunny day the darks and lights, the 9
blues, grays, and reds that appeared behind closed eyes 10
were like the ocean. I imagined myself as a little octopus, 11
seeing the sea world and feeling safe because I had so 12
many arms. Sometimes I’d make up little songs, hum-13
ming a tune about nothing and floating in the ocean 14
among fishes and sea kings.
15
I had crossed over from turmoil to childish ecstasy by 16
the time the doorbell rang. I don’t know how long I had 17
been sitting, but my feet were asleep and it was painful 18
and slow for me to rise. I didn’t know how long the bell 19
had been ringing either, but it stopped before I could 20
hobble to the front door. I remember laughing at my ex-21
aggerated limp. Like an old man, I thought. And for some 22
reason that made me happy.
23
She was headed back down the front stairs. Across the 24
street, Miss Littleneck was watching.
25
“Extine,” I called out.
26
The woman with the big blond hair hesitated a mo-27 S
ment and then turned around.
28 R
“Hi,” she said. “I came over to say that I was sorry.”
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The Man in My Basement
She was wearing jeans and a button-up blue-cotton 1
blouse that didn’t cover her midriff. Both articles of cloth-2
ing were tight. She had yellow rubber flip-flops on her 3
feet and a yellow-and-white scarf around her neck.
4
Just thrown together, Uncle Brent’s voice said in my 5
memory.
6
“Come on in,” I invited. She accepted with a bowed 7
head.
8
9
10
“How did you find where I lived?” I asked Extine in the 11
breakfast nook next to the kitchen. I had poured her 12
some apple juice, which she wasn’t drinking.
13
“Petey said that he knew a guy who knew where your 14
house was,” she answered.
15
Petey was the regular bartender at Curry’s. Somebody 16
in town must have recognized me.
17
I was struck and scared by her appearance at my door.
18
It’s not that I cared about Extine finding me, but I real-19
ized that my feeling of invisibility was false. People did see 20
me. They knew when I passed in the street. My actions 21
were noted no matter how small I thought I was.
22
“So I decided,” she continued, “to come over and apol-23
ogize for leaving you out there like that.”
24
“Why did you leave me?” I asked.
25
“Jodie and By left and I told them that I would drive 26
you home. They were mad at me because they thought I S 27
slept with you, and Byron and Sanderson are friends. I R 28
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Walter Mosley
1
don’t know. I guess I got mad at you. I thought that you 2
had taken advantage of me . . .”
3
“I passed out,” I complained. “And then you left me 4
without a ride.”
5
“You put your hands on my breasts and jerked me by 6
the arm,” she countered. “I thought you were going to 7
rape me.”
8
“I don’t remember,” I said. And I didn’t. “I remember 9
kissing you. I remember that. But I thought that that was 10
okay. I thought you liked it.”
11
“That doesn’t mean I wanted your hands all over me.”
12
She was getting angry. I could see that she was deeply 13
bothered.
14
“I’m sorry, Extine,” I said. “It was a bad mix — whiskey 15
and horsehair. Please accept my apology. You know I 16
didn’t want to make you mad.”
17
“Okay,” she said as if it was the apology she had come 18
for. “And I’m sorry too, about leaving you out there with 19
no way to get home.”
20
“Why did you leave me?” I asked again.
21
The question surprised her. By her face I could see that 22
she thought the answer was obvious.
23
“I mean,” I continued. “Did you think that you just 24
wanted to get away from me? That you couldn’t stand one 25
more minute in my company and you just had to leave? Or 26
was it that you were mad at me and wanted to hurt me by 27 S
making me walk all those miles lost in the woods?”
28 R
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The Man in My Basement
She thought about the question for a moment, and 1
then a moment more.
2
“I don’t know,” she said. “I was mad. I didn’t want to 3
see you. And I didn’t know what you would be like in the 4
morning all alone out there. When By and Jodie left, it 5
was only you and me. I was afraid, I guess.”
6
“Afraid that I’d hurt you?”
7
“I guess.”
8
“Then why did you come here?”
9
“I felt guilty. That’s why.”
10
“Guilty because you kissed me? Or guilty that you left?”
11
Extine frowned and did not answer.
12
I stood up and she scrambled to her feet.
13
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I wouldn’t have hurt you even in 14
those woods. I’m a safe Negro. You could put a soap bub-15
ble in my hand and it’d never even pop.”
16
Extine liked neither the sound of my voice nor the 17
words that I said.
18
“I have to go,” she said.
19
“Yeah. I know.”
20
21
22
I watched her drive away in a convertible Jaguar sports 23
car. I don’t remember the model, but it was expensive, no 24
doubt.
25
“Charles,” Miss Littleneck called from across the street.
26
“Yes, ma’am?”
S 27
R 28
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Walter Mosley
1
“Who was that white girl?”
2
“Just somebody I met.”
3
4
5
For a long time after she was gone, I thought about Ex-6
tine. Her presence, her kisses, meant very little to me.
7
Our physical relationship, what little of it there was, was 8
no more than an exercise. I realized that most physical in-9
timacy was like that for me. I liked sex, but it was only a 10
bodily pleasure. It wasn’t an expression of love but just a 11
need, a pleasant moment, sometimes even a chore.
12
What mattered about Extine was that she sought me 13
out, that she found me. All of the women I had gotten to 14
know after meeting Anniston Bennet had that in com-15
mon. They made me real by seeking me. It’s not that they 16
knew what they were looking for. Bethany only liked me 17
because I resisted her erotic power. Extine . . . Extine 18
liked horses, and at the end of a satisfying day in the sad-19
dle, she found me at her side. Narciss called me Mr.
20
Blakey. She refused to see the solitary and jobless man 21
who hadn’t accomplished one thing in his entire life.
22
It wasn’t that she was trying to form me with her blind-23
ness. She could only see in me what she needed. But 24
because of the purity of her vision, I changed. I didn’t be-25