After that day I never again went naked in front of her, but often, when I had my swimming trunks on or walked through the house in my undershorts, she would take a good hard glance at my full crotch.
"I told you my mother was fucked up! She was possessive and jealous, clawing at me, wanting to hold onto me and be my mother and lover at the same time. I needed a girl friend, and I was determined to find one. Instead, it almost was the end of me!"
Carey comes from a middle-class Jewish family. He is an only child, and like so many other only children, he is dominated and smothered by his mother's love.
It has been said that such overprotection and excess of maternal fear over the child's well-being is a uniquely Jewish characteristic. However, in reality, it is a universal trait of normal motherhood. Originally, there is a unity between mother and child. It is a sort of carry-over from the prenatal situation and represents one of the two greatest tasks for the mother. Roheim calls this early mother-child relationship the "dual-unity situation". The second great task of motherhood is to dissolve the dual-unity situation harmoniously. It is true that when the umbilical cord is cut, there occurs a sort of reorganization of the bodily functions in both mother and child. Physically, the direct phase of the mutual interdependence between mother and child is ended with the birth of the child and the expulsion of the placenta from the mother's body. With the advent of the resultant new dependency relationship, however, comes a very strong maternal-filial tie between mother and child on the emotional level. Helene Deutsch describes this as a "psychic umbilical cord".
In his New Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis, Freud also recognizes this unique unity between mother and child. He has this to say about it:
The only thing that brings a mother undiluted satisfaction is her relation to a son; it is quite the most complete relationship between human beings and the one that is the most free of ambivalence.
However, prolonged continuation of this situation will lead to maternal overprotection. This overprotecttiveness is in the last analysis, a defense mechanism on the part of the mother to avoid separation. This defense springs from a deep-rooted fear of loss.
Carey's whole life pattern is witness to the strong overprotection exerted by his mother. Normally, the father adds an element into the mother-child unity situation which discourages it from becoming overly prolonged and excessive. Unfortunately for Carey, his father is a very weak man, and quite passive in his role as head of the household, at least with respect to Carey. He is almost the stereotype of the middle-class American man which has contributed to – or is the result of – the development of the United States as a matriarchy.
Typically, we would expect Carey's bisexual nature to be accentuated. Freud, in his analysis of Leonardo da Vinci, points out:
In all our male homosexual cases, the subjects had a very intense erotic attachment to a female person, as a rule their mother… this attachment was evoked or encouraged by too much tenderness on the part of the mother herself, and further reinforced by the small part played by the father during their childhood.
The individual becomes homosexual because a phylogenetic fear of incest makes him identify with his mother in order to diminish her role as his love-object. Thus he would develop feminine characteristics in relation to his sexual objects, seeking for a love relationship, someone like himself (as his mother has) in whose likeness he chooses the new object of his love.
This would have definitely happened to Carey, had he ever reached the genital level of development. He has, however, an even stronger identification with his mother than would the homosexual. Carey is fixated at the oral level of development. He uses, as his method of defense against his desire for his mother, introjection, and has incorporated his mother's personality as his own. It was as though Carey's father had no effect upon Carey at all. Before the incest inhibition even developed in him, Carey had incorporated his mother's personality, as he did her milk. The mother he sees, however, is one who denies him her breast and castrates his father as well. Thus Carey hates both his mother and father, and the result is that he is incapable of having an affectionate relationship. Love does not mean anything to him.
Carey observed his parents having intercourse. This is an almost universal occurrence – if a child doesn't actually see his parents engaged in intercourse, he will fantasize the situation (which is termed the "primal scene"). The primal scene evokes envy of the father for his role with the mother, in the case of the male child, and sexual excitation as well. Carey became sexually excited at this viewing, but was also disgusted in the extreme, interpreting the union as a sadistic encounter. No doubt this was because his mother was assaulting his father, again underscoring his father's passivity. This interpretation of sex by Carey is rather unique, but emphasizes his understanding of the relationship between his mother and father.
Since Carey is incapable of real love – hating his mother and father as he does – and considers the sexual act to be disgusting and sadistic, he naturally has a negative opinion of people. All these characteristics considered, we would expect Carey to be a paranoid individual. And he certainly is.
When Carey's mother saw him swimming in the nude, she was sexually excited, or so Carey said. In reality, since Carey has already been classified as a paranoid type, this sexual excitation was most probably his own, "projected" onto his mother.
Carey's sexual life has thus developed into an identification with his aggressive-sadistic mother whom he imitates when he indulges in sex. His mother was in his eyes, a castrater, hence Carey, who is fixated at the cannibalistic oral level of sexual development, seeks to "castrate" his partners as well. He chooses to engage in sex with women because, firstly, it represents revenge against his mother, whom he can delude himself into thinking he is castrating, and secondly, it provides an opportunity to overcome his intense fear that his mother will castrate him. In this way he is maintaining a semblance of heterosexuality, fixated at the oral level.
In the development of Carey's character, we see a sadistic youth, incapable of manifesting love. Without a father to identify with in a social sense, we can easily anticipate that Carey will become a social pervert, unable to get along in the world…
High school ended and it was time to think about going to college. My first impulse was to go to a school as far away as China, just to get away from my mother. But as I thought about it, the prospect seemed more and more ridiculous – I mean going to college, not China. I had never been the brightest kid in school, which means. I had to work for my grades, and when faced with never having to sit in a classroom again or to begin another four-year stretch, it was an easy choice.
Although every single person I knew was going on to college, I didn't. My parents were ashamed, or so they said. Hell, it was exactly the opposite – Dad had someone to get into the business with him, and Mother had her darling little boy at her side.
I worked for Dad – the job was almost too easy – and spent a lot of time doing photography, which has always been my hobby. It was right after high school graduation that I started taking girlie shots of the chicks I met.
I also work on the chicks, of course, and they work on me. I have a little studio set up in our garage, which is very private. I like outdoor shots, however, and when my parents are gone, I take photos out by the pool. I have, a friend, Jerry, who has a big cock and a great bod, and often we photograph each other with various chicks we pick up on the Strip.
We like to take good close-ups of sucking, where you can see the come dripping down the girl's chin or the wetness all over the guy's face from the cunt juice. That really turns me on, and I know it turns on the people I show the photos to. I try specialty photos, like a whole reel of the chick undressing, masturbating, and then bathing. Or a reel of one of us and a girl, doing nothing but sixty-nine. Or, for instance, a "Golden Shower" reel where the guy and girl do nothing but urinate on each other in various ways.