“I couldn’t,” Lilly said. Then she started to cry.
LILLY BECAME ZEE’S PATIENT ONCE more. And once again her meds were adjusted. Soon she was driving herself into Boston on a regular basis. She seemed better. Spring was turning to summer again, and Lilly’s spirits were lifting.
They didn’t talk about Adam anymore. Lilly wouldn’t, and there were clearly boundary issues that Zee had violated; she didn’t want to risk making things worse. For now it was important not to drive Lilly away again. It was enough that she was here and that she seemed to be improving. It was Lilly who finally brought up Adam.
It was about six months later, in one of her sessions. “We think we’re free,” she said, “but we’re not. We’re the product of every association we’ve ever made, and sometimes of ones we inherited from people we never even knew.”
“That’s very profound,” Zee said.
“So you agree?”
“It doesn’t matter whether I agree or disagree. What matters is what you think.”
“I just told you what I think.”
“So you did,” Zee said.
Lilly made a face.
“What?” Zee said.
“Did you ever want to get out of something but you didn’t know how?”
“What is it you want to get out of?”
“Just about everything right about now,” Lilly said.
“Why don’t you tell me the specifics, and I’ll see if I can help you work through it,” Zee suggested.
“My marriage, for one,” Lilly said.
“Why do you want to get out of your marriage?”
“I feel as if William set up this elaborate trap for me and made it look all pretty, and I just fell into it,” Lilly said.
“And now you want to free yourself from the trap?”
“Yes.” Lilly looked at Zee. “You don’t approve.”
“It doesn’t matter whether I approve.”
“But you don’t.”
“I didn’t say that. People get divorces. No judgment,” Zee said.
“So you’re saying it’s okay?”
“Do you think it’s okay?”
“I have two children,” Lilly said.
“Yes, you do.”
“I feel like I’m dying,” Lilly said.
“Let’s explore that,” Zee said.
Lilly said nothing.
“In what way do you feel like you’re dying?” Zee asked.
“Not dying. Trapped. I can’t leave because of the children. And I can’t stay.”
“I understand feeling as if you can’t leave. Why do you feel you can’t stay?” Zee said.
“It’s not safe,” she said.
“Are we talking about Adam?”
“It’s not Adam. Adam is wonderful,” Lilly said.
“Are you telling me you want to be with Adam?” Zee asked.
Lilly looked confused for a moment. “No, I never said that.”
“Why do you feel unsafe?” Zee asked again.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she said. “I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“I’m glad you brought it up. If you feel unsafe in any way, I need to know about it,” Zee said.
“I told him what you said. That I should get away from him.”
“We’re talking about Adam now,” Zee said.
Lilly hesitated for a second. “Yes. Adam.”
“Adam whom you just described as wonderful.”
“I’m so confused.” Lilly started to cry.
“It’s okay,” Zee said.
Lilly clearly looked frightened.
“And what did Adam say when you told him that?” Zee asked.
“He said that you were a bitch and someone should teach you to mind your own business,” Lilly said. “Those were his exact words.”
It took Zee by surprise. She sat for a moment trying to figure out how to put what she needed to say next. Finally she leaned forward. “There is no need for you to be afraid of this man,” Zee said. “There are things you can do.”
“Like what?”
“Like a restraining order, for one thing,” Zee said. “If he’s harassing you, we can go get a court order making him stay away from you.”
“Then William would find out,” Lilly said.
“Probably,” Zee said.
“I can’t do that,” Lilly said. She couldn’t stay seated but got up and stood nervously by her chair.
“Did Adam threaten you in any way?”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Did he threaten your children?” Zee asked.
“No. I didn’t say he threatened anyone. You’re putting words into my mouth.”
“So he didn’t threaten you,” Zee said.
“No,” Lilly said.
Zee could tell she was lying.
“Isn’t your safety and the safety of your children more important than keeping this secret?”
“I’m so stupid.” She was crying in earnest now. “I can’t believe I ever started up with him.”
“You’re anything but stupid,” Zee said. “You made a mistake.”
“One I can’t recover from,” Lilly said.
“I think you can,” Zee said.
“With a restraining order?” Lilly asked.
“As a start,” Zee said.
“Do you know how many women are killed every year who’ve gotten restraining orders?”
Zee had to admit she had no idea. But it was interesting to think that Lilly had been looking into it.
“A lot,” Lilly said.
ZEE WENT TO MATTEI AS soon as the session was over.
Mattei called a detective she knew in Marblehead, a woman she’d been on some panel with a few years back, who agreed to look into things.
“Can you do it discreetly?” Mattei asked. “We already have confidentiality issues with the husband.”
“Do you have a last name for Adam?” Mattei asked, turning to her.
Zee shook her head. “But he drives a red truck. A Ford. With the name of a construction company on the side.”
“Do you know the name of the company?” Mattei asked.
“No,” Zee said. “I think it’s an Italian name.” Zee thought for a moment. “It starts with a C?”
A FEW HOURS LATER, MATTEI came into Zee’s office.
“We might be lucky,” she said. “This Adam guy seems to have left town.”
“Really?”
“The truck belongs to a local company. Cassella Construction, I think it was. They said that Adam drove the truck once in a while. He hasn’t been around lately. He got into some kind of fight with the foreman, and he took off. They said he’s a good worker. They were actually hoping he’ll come back to work,” Mattei said.
“That doesn’t mean he left town.”
“The police stopped by his house. None of the neighbors has seen him for several weeks.”
“Are you sure Lilly was telling you the truth?” Mattei asked. “The only reason I ask is something the detective said.”
“What was that?”
“She told me that this wasn’t the first time there’d been trouble involving Lilly Braedon,” Mattei said.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Evidently the Marblehead police have gotten calls about her before. Not just with this Adam but with other men as well.”
Zee sat staring. “Men? As in plural?”
“Classic bipolar if you think about it. Sex with multiple partners certainly qualifies as risky behavior.”
Zee thought about it for a moment. “It doesn’t mean that one of them isn’t stalking her,” Zee said.
“No,” Mattei said. “It doesn’t.”
Zee looked shaken.
“The police will keep an eye out for Adam,” Mattei said.
“Which won’t help a bit if she takes off with him again,” Zee countered.
“Well, at least we now know it wasn’t William,” Mattei said.
Zee shot her a look but said nothing.
6
THE FUNERAL SERVICE WENT on for far too long. Zee was aware that many people spoke, though she could not keep her mind on their words. Her eyes scanned the crowd.
Sweet William sat silent and obviously drugged in the first pew.
Zee realized that both Mattei and Michael had been right about her coming here today, if for different reasons. Mattei thought it was unprofessional and strongly advised against it. Michael hadn’t advised her at all; he simply put forward a question: What good could come of it?