He felt extraordinarily pleasant. He really felt as though he’d discovered something. He must remember to find a book on flowers. He knew nothing about them but was filled with a sudden overwhelming curiosity.
These soothing thoughts deserted him abruptly when he realized he stood in the middle of the killing ground.
A memory of that night came quickly over him. When had he known they were going to shoot them? He couldn’t remember exactly, the knowledge evolved slowly, over the first few months. He could not identify an actual moment of awareness. It just seemed they all knew and didn’t find it remarkable. Nobody was upset. Repp seemed to think it quite unexceptional. He had no involvement in it in any way; it would simply happen, that’s all, when the prototype Vampir reached a certain stage. But the whole business left Vollmerhausen queasy, uncomfortable.
He remembered the beginning best, the double line of men standing listlessly in the dark cold. He could hear them breathing. They seemed so alive. He was wildly excited, nervous, his stomach so agitated that it actually hurt. The Jews stood in their ranks, waiting to die. He could see no faces; but he noticed at this penultimate moment a curious thing.
They were so small.
They were all small. Some mere boys, even the older men wiry and short.
After that, it moved clinically. The Jews were marched away and when he could not see them he no longer thought of them.
The preparations were laconic, calm. Repp fussed with the weapon, then dropped behind it and drew it to him, arranging himself into a strained pose, all bone beneath the rifle, no flesh, no muscle, nothing but a structure of bone to hold the weight.
“You have power, sir,” someone said.
“Ah, yes,” said Repp, his voice somewhat muffled in the gunstock, “quite nice, quite nice.”
“Sir, the guards are clear,” somebody called. “The targets are at four fifty.”
“Yes, yes,” said Repp, and then his words vanished in the thumping of the burst, one fast, slithering drum roll, the individual reports fusing in their rush.
It was just seconds later they realized a man had survived, and just seconds after that that all hell broke loose, the lights flashed on, two American fighter-bombers roaring down into the bright zone, spitting bullets into the field, running their earth-splitting hemstitches across the field, and the lights flashed out.
“Fuckers,” somebody said, “where the hell did they come from?”
Vollmerhausen shuddered. He stood now in the grass where the mangled bodies had lain. The Vampir rifle’s slugs had torn huge chunks in the flesh. Blood had soaked the earth that night, but now there was only grass, and sun, blue sky, a little breeze.
Vollmerhausen began to walk toward the trees. He realized the sun was behind a cloud. No wonder it felt cool all of a sudden.
The sun came out; he felt its heat across his neck again.
Yes, warm me.
Soothe me.
Clean me.
Yes, purify me.
Forgive me.
Then he knew where his ten kilos were coming from.
8
They made an odd pair: Susan in her dumpy civilian dress, and Dr. Fischelson, dressed in the fashion of the last century, fussy and ancient in wing collar, spats, a striped suit, goatee and pince-nez. We look like a picture of my grandparents, she thought.
She had him calmer now, but still was uncertain. He could go off dottily at any moment, ranting in an odd mixture of Polish, Yiddish, German and English, his eyes watering, licking his dry lips, talking crazily of obscure events and people. He was not an effective man, she knew; but when it came to one thing, his will was iron: the fate of the Jews. He seemed to carry it around with him, an imaginary weight, bending him closer to earth each day, making him more insane.
But now he was calmer. She’d soothed him, listening, nodding, cajoling, whispering. They sat on two uncomfortable chairs in an antiseptic corridor of a private clinic in Kilburn, a London suburb, outside the door behind which the Man from the East — Fischelson’s portentous phrase — rested.
The crisis of the evening was now over. It seemed that late in the afternoon some investigators had shown up at the clinic and asked rude questions. Fischelson had panicked. A rough scene had ensued. In frenzy, he’d called her. She’d begged off late duty and gotten out there as fast as she could — only to find them gone and Fischelson shaking and incoherent.
“Now, now,” she calmed. “I’m sure it was nothing. Emigration people probably, or security. That’s all. They have to check these things.”
“Rude. So rude they was. No respect.” How could she make this man see how armies — modern nations, for that matter — worked?
“It’s nothing, Dr. Fischelson. Nothing at all. They have to check these things.” She stole a glance at her watch. Christ, it was getting late: near midnight. She’d been here with the old bird since eight. She was due in at six tomorrow. “Perhaps we ought to leave. Everything’s quiet now.”
“Sure, leave. You leave. Me, an old man, I’ll stay here.” The old Jews; they were all alike. Now he sounded like her mother. Manipulation with guilt. Most effective. Jesus, how long would this go on?
“All right. We’ll stay a little longer.” How could you get rough with Fischelson? He wasn’t some jerk who was pawing at you. But she was exhausted. They had the witness, curious man in the back room — an incredible story. A story that would be told now, at last. Even if it was too late. No, it wasn’t too late. In the camps were still many, near death. If the authorities could at last be convinced, who knew what was possible? Armored attacks driving toward the KZ’s, with doctors and medicine: thousands could be saved. If only the proper people could be convinced.
The doctor sat with hands folded, breathing heavily.
Then he took off his pince-nez and began to polish the lenses in his lapel. He had long, bony fingers. In the yellow light of the corridor, he looked as if he were made of old paper, parchment. Our Jewish general, she thought: half insane, half senile, furiously indignant. It would be funny if it weren’t so sad.
Fischelson had been here since ’39. When the philanthropist Hirsczowicz had converted to Zionism late in that year, his first act had been to establish a voice in the West. He was very shrewd, Hirsczowicz: he knew the fate of the Jews rested in the hands of the West. He’d sent Fischelson over first, a kind of advance guard, to set things up. But Fischelson became the whole show when the war broke out and Hirsczowicz disappeared in a Nazi execution operation. The old man proved to be horribly unsuited to the task: he was not delicate, he had no tact, no political sensibility; he could only whine and rant.
“His papers is good,” Dr. Fischelson said, in his heavy accent.
“Pardon?” she said.
“His papers is good. I guarantee. I guarantee. He has release from prison war camp. Our peoples find him in DP hospital. Sick, very sick. They get him visa. Jews help Jews. Across France he comes by train. Then the last by ship. Lawyers draw up papers. All good, all legal. This I tell you. So why investigators? So why now investigators?”
“Please, please,” she said, for the old man had begun to rise and declaim. A vein pulsed beneath the dry skin of his throat. “It’s some kind of mistake, I’m sure. Or a part of the routine. That’s all. Look, I have a friend in the intelligence service, a captain.”
“A Jew?”
“No. But a good man, basically. A decent man. I’ll call him and—”
She heard the doors at the end of the corridor swing open and at first could not recognize them. They were not particularly impressive men: just big, burly, a little embarrassed. Susan’s sentence stopped in her mouth. Who were they? Dr. Fischelson, following the confusion in her eyes, looked over.