I awoke three or four times from this nightmare in a sweat, my heart thumping, clutching at tangled sheets. Finally, at first light, I arose with a parched mouth and a ferocious headache. As soon as I entered my sitting-room I saw it: a rectangle of white paper, slipped under the door as I had slept.
It was a black-bordered card, written in the same hand as the note that had been sent to Bella. It seemed to confirm all my fears.
The quotation from the Burial Service at first seemed merely apt; but, as I considered it further, the words began to call to mind some other time and place – a face, already receding into the shadows of memory; a place of sorrow; rain and solemn music. It puzzled me, and worried me, though I could not say why. Then I concluded that I was seeing significance where there was none, and threw the card aside.
Seven days. There was time to prepare myself. I did not expect any further communication; the blackmailer’s next move would no doubt come – presumably in person – on the day of the funeral. And if not in person, then he would have to reveal something more of himself in another communication in order to attain his objective; and that might allow me the advantage that I was seeking. In the meantime, I resolved to try to put all thought of this business out of my mind, as far as I could. I had other pressing matters to attend to. For the time of reckoning with my enemy, Phoebus Daunt, was nigh.
*[‘Forewarned, forearmed’. Ed.]
†[The society, founded by Sir Ashton Lever in 1781, was at the forefront of the revival of archery at the end of the eighteenth century. It obtained a lease from the Crown to establish its grounds in the Inner Circle of Regent’s Park in 1833. Ed.]
4
Ab incunabulis*
On the evening after Bella returned from Dieppe, the 2nd of November 1854, I took her to dinner at the Clarendon Hotel.† Mrs D had been enchanted by the house they had viewed and had stayed on in France to begin arrangements for its purchase.
‘She means to retire there as soon as circumstances permit,’ said Bella, ‘which of course means that my own position will change sooner than anticipated.’
She did her best to maintain her old easiness of manner, but I could see the effort that it was causing her. At length, she set aside all pretence.
‘You have read the note?’
I nodded.
‘What does it mean, Eddie? I must know the truth.’
‘The truth of what?’ I cried angrily. ‘The truth of a lie? The truth of some vague and baseless slander? There is no truth here, none, I can assure you.’
‘But who has sent me this?’
‘Someone who wishes me harm for a reason that I cannot imagine, someone whose resentment of me – or perhaps of you …’
She was taken aback by the suggestion.
‘Of me? What can you mean?’
‘Think, my love: is there any member of The Academy who might have a reason to cause you harm? Someone, perhaps, who has received a visit from Mr Braithwaite on your behalf?’ I asked the question in the full knowledge that this matter had nothing to do with The Academy.
‘No, none.’ She thought for a moment. ‘Sir Meredith Gore – you remember? – was lately ejected, but I was not the only one to complain of him. He is presently travelling on the Continent, and is not expected to return for some time, so I do not think it can be him. Besides, what possible benefit could he gain from this? And do you know the gentleman?’
I had to concede that Sir Meredith and I had enjoyed no personal contact, other than a chance meeting on the stairs at Blithe Lodge one evening; but, persisting to lay this false trail, I pointed out that it would be perfectly possible for him to invent some calumny against me without personal knowledge, to gain revenge on her for his expulsion.
‘No, no,’ said Bella, shaking her head vigorously, ‘it’s too implausible – impossible. No, it cannot be Sir Meredith.’ She paused as the waiter came up with more champagne.
‘You say,’ she continued, toying with the stem of her glass, ‘that the implied accusations are baseless. But how can I be sure? There must, after all, be some reason why the note was written to me. I know that your father died before you were born, and that your mother, whom you have told me you loved dearly, was an authoress; and you have spoken often of your years abroad. But are there things in your past – important things, perhaps – that you have deliberately withheld from me, to which the note may refer? If so, I beg you to tell me now.’
‘I thought you were content to like me just as I am, the present here-and-now me,’ I said sulkily.
‘Circumstances have changed,’ she replied, leaning back in her chair. ‘When Kitty retires to Dieppe, I shall be required to take her place at The Academy, and that will allow me to give up my gentlemen.’ She rested her steady gaze on me. ‘It is important to me, Eddie, under these new circumstances, to know everything about the man I have fallen in love with.’
It was her first outright declaration of what she felt for me; the first time that the word love had been spoken. I could see that she was waiting for some reciprocal response. But how could I tell her what she wished to hear, when my heart still ached for another, whom I could never now possess?
‘Do you have nothing to say?’ she asked.
‘Only that you are my dearest friend in the world, as I have often told you,’ I replied, ‘and that I cannot bear to see you distressed.’
‘So do you like me – love me, even – merely as a friend?’
‘Merely as a friend? Is that not enough?’
‘Well, I see that you are now starting to play the philosopher with me, so I suppose I have my answer.’
I reached out and took her hand.
‘Bella, dearest, forgive me. If you wish to call my feelings for you “love,” then so be it. I am more than content for you to do so. For myself, I am devoted to you as the dearest, sweetest friend a man could have. If this is love, then I love you. And if it is love to feel safe and comfortable in your presence, then I love you. And if it is love to know that I am never happier than when you take my face in your hands and kiss me, then I love you. And if …’ And so I went on, until I could obfuscate no more.
I smiled, in what I hoped was my most winning manner, and was rewarded by the sight of a faint animation of her lips.
‘Then I suppose, Mr Edward Glapthorn, that your many ingenious definitions of love must suffice – for now.’ She removed her hand from mine as she spoke. ‘But for the sake of all we have been together, and for all we may be, you must set my mind at rest – completely at rest. The note—’
‘Is false.’ I looked at her steadily. ‘False as hell – written by someone who wishes to do me – us – harm, for some reason we cannot yet know. But we shall defeat them, dearest Bella. I promise you shall know all about me, and then they shall have no hold over us. We shall be safe.’
If only it could be so. She was, as I had sincerely maintained, my dearest friend in the world; and perhaps what I felt for her was a kind of love. But in order to spare her from hurt and scandal, and perhaps for her own safety, I could not tell her that I had just killed one man in preparation for killing a second, or that I was not who I claimed to be, and that my heart would always be enslaved to another. But she deserved to know something more about me, to set her mind at rest until such time as I could unmask the blackmailer, and put the danger from us permanently. And then? Even when I had vanquished my enemy at last, and revenged myself for what he had done to me, could she ever replace what I had lost, dear to me though she was?