He rogered me every day, sometime or other, and I seemed to get fonder and fonder of his embraces. They were done so vigorously and yet so decently. He always had me in the one position-lying on my back-and he never exposed my person more than was absolutely necessary. (I think a man copulates with the woman he loves differently from the woman he merely lusts for.) We used to talk and make plans as to what we would do in the future when the war was over and we were back in Pennsylvania. It was all very nice, and we both hoped that the fighting soon would cease, so that we might live together. In the meantime, I would have to remain at Woodlands.
But our love-making suddenly was brought to an end. Franklin received orders to withdraw his detachment from Woodlands and to return to the headquarters of his regiment. I was deeply grieved at his having to go, and he was equally grieved at having to leave me. Yet, as we both had known, the order was bound to come sooner or later, and we were resolved to make the best of it.
Next morning when we had finished breakfast, Franklin laid me on the sofa and gave me a farewell visit. Then, after bidding me goodbye and promising to write to me, he kissed me tenderly and left the house. I stood at the window with tears in my eyes, watching my lover at the head of his men marching down the avenue. When they reached the bend leading to the gate, Franklin turned around and waved his sword to me in a parting salute. And so ended my little romance. It had not lasted long, and I have never had another in my life so far.
(I may as well here tell you that I never saw my soldier-lover again. He was killed a year later in the battle of Cedar Mountain. At that time, I was living in New York, but I mourned for him sincerely, for I never had ceased to love him I still keep the letters he wrote me and also a lock of his hair, which he gave me the day he parted.)
CHAPTER NINETEEN
A fortnight passed, and a very wretched time it was in every way. I missed my lover; the slaves on the plantation were very insubordinate, and I was troubled at the idea of again having to live with Randolph.
I had written to tell Randolph that the soldiers had left Woodlands and asking him when he intended to return. He had answered saying that he had not made up his mind what to do, whether to come back or to send for me, but he would let me know in due course.
Meanwhile, I was to see that the affairs on the plantation were carried on as usual.
I was so vexed at this letter that I sat down and cried. It was very easy for him, amusing himself in Richmond, to tell me to see to his affairs; but things had got into such an utterly disorganized state that it was quite impossible for me to keep order. I was only a girl, not twenty-two years of age. All work on the plantation had come to an end; the whole country for miles around was occupied by the Federal troops; the slaves, knowing that their freedom was at hand, would hardly do anything, and the overseers, under the circumstances, no longer dared to enforce the discipline by their usual methods. Many of the fieldhands had run away, and no attempt to capture them could be made, others had openly joined the Negro regiments which were being raised by the United States authorities. The majority of the housewomen, too, had become utterly demoralized, and several of them had gone off; only a few, among whom were Dinah and Rosa, had remained faithful.
After a few more days, I wrote again to Randolph, telling him that things were getting worse and that I was afraid to remain any longer by myself at Woodlands. This time I received a letter saying that, since things at that moment were in such a bad state in Virginia, it was no use trying to keep the plantation going any longer. I was to tell the overseers that Randolph would continue to pay them their salaries if they would remain on the estate and do the best they could for him. He had taken a furnished house, and I was to go to him as soon as possible. The house at Woodlands was to be shut up and left in charge of Dinah and the other women who had remained. I was glad to get at last some definitive instructions, for the strain on me had been almost more than I could bear, and I had got into a very nervous state.
Sending for the faithful Dinah, I told her that I was going to join her master in Richmond and that I intended to start in three days’ time. I also informed her that she was to take charge of the house, and I gave her instructions about the shutting-up. Then I wrote to Randolph, telling him when to expect me.
Next day I saw the overseers and gave them their employer’s message. The men said they would remain on the plantation and do the best they could to prevent things from going to ruin. But they added that there was no chance of getting the slaves to do much work as long as the Federal troops were in the neighborhood.
I spent the following day packing my trunks and settling affairs with Dinah and the other women. They were all sorry that I was about to leave them, though delighted at the idea of being left alone in the house to do as they pleased.
The only way for me to get to Richmond, which was thirty-two miles distant, was by driving.
I intended to start at four o’clock in the afternoon, in order to escape the heat of the day. All the horses still were in the stables, — and some of the grooms had remained, one of them being an old and faithful Negro coachman named Jim, who had taught me to ride and in whom I had perfect confidence. I sent for him and told him that I wanted him to drive me to Richmond and that he was to have the pair-horse buggy ready at four o’clock.
Very well, Missis, he said. I’ll put you through all right, if I kin. But don’t you take no money or joolery along with you, ’cos de road nowdays is ’fested wid dem low-down cusses of
’bushwhackers’; an’ if we was to come across any of dem, dey would most sholy rob you.
It had never struck me that there would be any danger in the drive to Richmond, but, now that Jim had mentioned the bushwhackers, I remembered that I had heard several stories of the lawless doings of these men. Bushwhackers, I must tell you, were low white loafers who, while pretending to act as guerillas against the Federal troops, were in reality highwaymen who robbed and sometimes murdered defenseless people, whether they were Northerners or Southerners. Bands of these ruffians infested the Southern States during the war.
I sent Jim away, but I decided that I would take his advice. Going upstairs, I opened my trunks, and, taking out all my jewelry, I locked the articles in a safe which had been built in the wall of Randolph’s bedroom.
The rest of the day wore slowly away. I was restless and nervous. I could not eat my dinner, and I went to bed early.
CHAPTER TWENTY
I had a good night’s rest and got up next morning feeling well and also much calmer in my mind. After breakfast I made a few final arrangements and, at four o’clock, the buggy with a fine pair of horses was driven around to the terrace by Jim. The two trunks which I intended to take with me were brought down and put into the buggy. I shook hands with Dinah and Rosa, my two favorites, bidding them goodbye and telling them to take good care of everything in the house as well as they could. Then, climbing up into my seat, I waved a general farewell to all the other women who had come out to the terrace to see me off. They shouted in shrill chorus: Goodby, Missis!