The Midwife’s Confession
Also by DIANE CHAMBERLAIN
THE LIES WE TOLD
SECRETS SHE LEFT BEHIND
BEFORE THE STORM
THE SECRET LIFE OF CEECEE WILKES
THE BAY AT MIDNIGHT
HER MOTHER’S SHADOW
KISS RIVER
KEEPER OF THE LIGHT
THE SHADOW WIFE
(Formerly published as CYPRESS POINT)
THE COURAGE TREE
SUMMER’S CHILD
BREAKING THE SILENCE
DIANE CHAMBERLAIN
The Midwife’s Confession
In memory of Kay Eleanor Howe
2000–2010
Contents
Part One: Noelle
1 Noelle
2 Tara
3 Emerson
4 Noelle
5 Tara
6 Emerson
7 Noelle
8 Tara
9 Emerson
10 Noelle
11 Tara
12 Emerson
13 Noelle
14 Tara
15 Emerson
Part Two: Anna
16 Anna
17 Emerson
18 Noelle
19 Anna
20 Tara
21 Anna
22 Emerson
23 Noelle
24 Tara
25 Anna
26 Tara
27 Emerson
28 Tara
29 Noelle
30 Tara
31 Noelle
32 Emerson
Part Three: Grace
33 Grace
34 Tara
35 Noelle
36 Emerson
37 Grace
38 Grace
39 Tara
40 Emerson
41 Grace
42 Anna
43 Grace
44 Tara
45 Grace
46 Emerson
47 Tara
48 Grace
49 Tara
50 Anna
51 Grace
52 Anna
53 Tara
54 Grace
55 Tara
56 Anna
57 Emerson
58 Grace
59 Noelle
60 Anna
61 Noelle
62 Tara
63 Grace
64 Emerson
Epilogue
Reader’s Guide
Acknowledgments
PART ONE
NOELLE
1
Noelle
Wilmington, North Carolina
September 2010
She sat on the top step of the front porch of her Sunset Park bungalow, leaning against the post, her eyes on the full moon. She would miss all this. The night sky. Spanish moss hanging from the live oaks. September air that felt like satin against her skin. She resisted the pull of her bedroom. The pills. Not yet. She had time. She could sit here all night if she wanted.
Lifting her arm, she outlined the circle of the moon with her fingertip. Felt her eyes burn. “I love you, world,” she whispered.
The weight of the secret pressed down on her suddenly, and she dropped her hand to her lap, heavy as a stone. When she’d awakened this morning, she’d had no idea that this would be the day she could no longer carry that weight. As recently as this evening, she’d hummed as she chopped celery and cucumbers and tomatoes for her salad, thinking of the fair-haired preemie born the day before—a fragile little life who needed her help. But when she sat down with her salad in front of the computer, it was as though two beefy, muscular arms reached out from her monitor and pressed their hands down hard on her head, her shoulders, compressing her lungs so that she couldn’t pull in a full breath.
The very shape of the letters on her screen clawed at her brain and she knew it was time. She felt no fear—certainly no panic—as she turned off the computer. She left the salad, barely touched, on her desk. No need for it now. No desire for it. She got everything ready; it wasn’t difficult. She’d been preparing for this night for a long time. Once all was in order, she came out to the porch to watch the moon and feel the satin air and fill her eyes and lungs and ears with the world one last time. She had no expectation of a change of heart. The relief in her decision was too great, so great that by the time she finally got to her feet, just as the moon slipped behind the trees across the street, she was very nearly smiling.
2
Tara
Going upstairs to call Grace for dinner was becoming a habit. I knew I’d find her sitting at her computer, earbuds in her ears so she couldn’t hear me when I tried to call her from the kitchen. Did she do that on purpose? I knocked on her door, then pushed it open a few inches when she didn’t answer. She was typing, her attention glued to her monitor. “Dinner’s almost ready, Grace,” I said. “Please come set the table.”