And I was left sitting there, with the realization that I could never be as close to him as Kate was and feeling lonely and sad because of it.
While I sat in the rose garden Simon Caseman came in. I thought he was looking for my mother and I told him I thought she was in the herb garden.
“But it was you I came to see, Mistress Damask,” he said; and he sat beside me. He studied me so intently that I felt embarrassed under his gaze, especially as the recent encounter with Bruno and Kate had upset me. He went on: “Why, you are growing into a beauty.”
“I do not believe that to be true.”
“And modest withal.”
“Not modest,” I said. “If I thought I were a beauty I should not hesitate to admit it, for beauty is not a thing to take credit for since it is bestowed and not earned.”
“And wise,” he said. “I confess to be a little overawed in your presence. Your father constantly speaks of your erudition.”
“You should take that as paternal pride. To a father his geese are swans.”
“In this case I find myself in wholehearted agreement with the parent in question.”
“I can only believe that you have lost your sense of judgment then. I fear for your performance in the courts.”
“What a joy it is to talk with you, Mistress Damask.”
“You are easily content, Master Caseman.”
“There is one thing I would like to ask you, with your permission.”
“That permission is given.”
“You are no longer a child. Have you ever thought of giving your hand in marriage?”
“I suppose it is natural in all young women to think of eventual marriage.”
“He to whom you gave your hand would be doubly favored. A beautiful and clever wife. What more could any man ask? He would be fortunate above all men.”
“I have no doubt that any who asked my hand in marriage might well have his thoughts on my inheritance.”
“My dear Mistress Damask, he would be too dazzled by your charms to think of such a matter.”
“Or so dazzled by my inheritance that he might well be mistaken about my beauty and erudition, don’t you think?”
“It would depend on the man. If he were, he deserves to be….”
“Well? Hanged, drawn and quartered?”
“Worse than that. Rejected.”
“I had no idea that you had such a talent for gallant speeches.”
“If I have it is you who have inspired them.”
“I wonder why.”
“Do you? You, who are so clever, must have been aware of my intentions.”
“Toward me?”
“Toward no one else.”
“Master Caseman, is this a proposal?”
“It is. I should be the happiest of men if I might go to your father and tell him that you have consented to be my wife.”
“Then I am afraid I cannot give you that pleasure.”
I had risen. But my heart was pounding for I felt afraid; and I could not tell why this sudden desire to run should have come to me. I was here in my mother’s peaceful rose garden with a man who was a member of our household, a friend of my father and one of whom he thought highly, and yet I experienced this sudden revulsion.
Simon Caseman had risen too. He stood beside me. He was not a big man—only two inches or so taller than I, and his face was very close to mine. His eyes were warm, alert and golden brown; his hair had a reddish tinge too; and the lines on his face made it appear to me, seen so close, like a fox’s mask. I knew in that moment that I was afraid of him.
I turned to go but he caught my arm. His grip was firm as he said: “What have you in mind, Mistress Damask? Is it to marry someone else?”
I wished the color would not flame into my cheeks. I said: “I had not thought of marrying anyone.”
“You do not plan to enter a convent?” His lips curled slightly. “That would be an unwise plan….at this time when so many of our convents have gone the way of our monasteries.”
I withdrew my arm and said coldly: “I do not think I am of an age to consider marriage.”
His hand lightly brushed the front of my gown. “Why, Mistress Damask, you are a woman already. You should not delay your enjoyments of womanhood, I do assure you. Pray do not reject me without consideration. I do verily believe that your father would not object to our union. I know that he wishes to see you under the protection of one whom he trusts. For these are troublous times in which we live.”
“I shall make my own choice,” I said.
And I walked out of the rose garden.
I was very shaken. I was not yet seventeen and I had already had two proposals of marriage whereas beautiful Kate, who was two years older, had not had one.
Or had she? But who could have proposed to Kate?
It was strange that I should have had this thought about Kate because a week or so after that scene in the rose garden Lord Remus called at the house.
We had known that he was coming because my father had settled some matter of law for him and as he was a very rich and powerful nobleman my mother was making a very special occasion of his visit.
All that day Clement had been working in the bakehouse; he had made pies with fancy crusts and there was one in the form of the Remus coat of arms. Clement was delighted with it because in the Abbey kitchen he had not had the opportunity of indulging in such frivolity. My mother was in her element for if there was anything she liked better than working in her garden it was preparing for visitors in the house. She took on a new authority. It was clear that she wished we entertained more.
Kate and I watched the arrival of the visitors from the window of her room. We were disappointed in Lord Remus who was fat and walked with a stick, wheezing as he made his way up the slope of the lawn from the privy steps. But he was very richly clad and quite clearly a man of great consequence.
Father led him into the hall where we were all waiting to greet the visitors. Mother first and Lord Remus was very gracious to her, then myself as the daughter of the house and the others, Rupert, Kate, Simon and Bruno. (I was delighted to see he was included.) My family, Father called us.
Kate swept a beautiful curtsy which she had been practicing all day; her long hair was caught up in a gold net and she looked beautiful.
That Lord Remus thought so was obvious for his eyes lingered on her, a fact of which no one was more aware than Kate.
It was a banquet that was put before our distinguished guest. There was fish—dace, barbel and chub all served in herbs of my mother’s growing. Lord Remus congratulated her on her cook and she was delighted. Then there was sucking pig and beef and mutton followed by my mother’s own brand of syllabub. There was ale and wine in plenty and I saw my mother’s eyes gleam with satisfaction and I thought how easy it was for her to be happy in the moment; and how strange it was that such a short time ago we were living in terror of what would happen next and I could not get out of my mind the image of Brother Ambrose hanging from his gibbet at the Abbey’s Gate.
Kate, who was seated opposite Lord Remus, asked him when he was last at Court and he replied that he was there but a week before. He talked of the Court and the King’s dissatisfaction with his state and how his temper was such that it was apt to flare up if one were careless enough to rouse it.
“I’ll warrant you, my lord, are the soul of tact,” said Kate.
“My dear young lady, I have a desire to keep my head on my shoulders, for that I consider is where it belongs.”
Kate laughed a great deal and I saw my mother glance at her and I thought afterward she will be reprimanded for her forwardness; but for the time that could pass, for Lord Remus did not seem to object to it.
Lord Remus had drunk a great deal of the elderberry concoction which my mother admitted was particularly fine this year and he was inclined to be talkative.