“Damask!” And I looked up and saw her at a window.
“So you’re here at last,” she cried. “You’re to come straight to me. Pray bring up Mistress Farland without delay,” she commanded.
A groom took my horse and a servant came out to conduct me into the castle. I said that I would first wish to go to my room that I might wash off the grime of my journey and I was led through a great hall up a stone staircase to a room which overlooked the courtyard. I guessed it was not far from Kate’s. I asked that water be brought to me and the maid ran off to do my bidding.
I was soon to discover what an imperious mistress of the household Kate was.
She came to my room. “I told them to bring you to me without delay,” she cried. “They shall hear of this.”
“ ’Twas my orders that I first rid myself of some of the dirt of the roads.”
“Oh, Damask, you have not changed a bit. How good it is to have you here! What do you think of Remus Castle?”
“It’s magnificent,” I said.
She grimaced.
“It is just what you always wanted, wasn’t it? A castle, a place at Court—and you to flit twixt one and the other.”
“And how much flitting dost think I do? Look at me!”
I looked at her and laughed. Elegant Kate, her body misshapen, her mouth discontented; nothing the satin gown edged with miniver could do could alter that.
“And soon to be a mother!” I cried.
“Not soon enough for me,” grumbled Kate. “I dread the ordeal but I yearn for it to be over. But you are here and that is good. Here is your water so remove the dust at once. And is that your traveling gown? My poor Damask, we must do something about that.”
“Your ladyship looks very grand, I swear.”
“No need to swear,” said Kate. “I’m well aware of how I look. I have been so ill, Damask, so sick. I would rather jump out of this window than go through the same again. And the worst is to come.”
“Women are having babies every day, Kate.”
“I am not. Nor shall there be another day.”
“And how fares my lord?”
“He is at Court. Does that not make it even harder to bear? Though they say the King is in ill humor and it takes very little to bring a frown of displeasure. Heads are very insecurely balanced on shoulders these days.”
“Then should you not be glad that yours is in a firm position?”
“Still the same old Damask, still counting your blessings. It is good to have you.”
And she was certainly the same old Kate. She asked questions about what was happening at home and when we talked of Keziah she was a little sad.
“And it is that man’s child,” she said. “I wonder how she will grow up. Conceived in such a way…born of such parents.” And she put her hands on her body and smiled.
Kate was impatient for my company. There was so much to talk of, she told me. If I had refused to come she would never have spoken to me again. When I said I would unpack my baggage she told me there was no need for that: a servant would do it. But I wished to do it myself, so I unpacked and showed her a little silk gown for her baby that had been made from the silk produced by my mother’s silkworms. Kate was indifferent to it; she preferred a little charm bracelet I had brought and which had been put on my wrist by my parents when I had been born.
“When the child can no longer wear it, it must be given back to me.”
“So that you can put it on your own child’s wrist? Well, Damask, when is that to be?”
I flushed slightly in spite of my determination not to betray my feelings. “I have no idea,” I said sharply.
“You’d best take Rupert, Damask. He will be a good kind husband—just the man for you. He will care for you and never cast eyes on another woman. He is young—not like my Remus. And although he is poor in worldly goods you have enough for both.”
“Thank you for settling my future so easily.”
“Poor Damask! Oh, let us be candid one with the other. You wanted Bruno. Are you mad, Damask? He would never have been the man for you.”
“Nor for you either, it seemed.”
“Sometimes I wish I had gone with him.”
“Gone?” I demanded. “Gone where?”
“Oh, nothing,” she replied. Then she hugged me and said: “I feel alive now you’ve come. This place stifles me. When I was at Court it was different. There’s an excitement there, Damask, that you couldn’t understand.”
“I know I’m an ignorant country girl in your estimation—though may I draw your attention to the fact that my home is nearer London than yours—but I can certainly imagine how exciting it must be to wonder from one moment to another when you make some remark, perform some action, whether it will send you to the Tower, there to live—oh, most excitingly—awaiting the order for release or decapitation.”
Kate laughed aloud. “Yes, it is good to have you here. Bless you, Damask, for coming.”
“Thank you. I suppose your blessings are preferable to the curses I could have expected had I refused.”
I felt my spirits rising. I suppose we belonged together in a way, and although I disapproved of almost everything Kate did, and she was contemptuous of me, although we sparred continuously, I felt alive when I was with her. I suppose because we had grown up together, she seemed like a part of myself.
We supped together that night alone in her room. She had a little table there on which she often took her meals.
“I dareswear you and your husband dine and sup here alone when he is in residence,” I said.
She laughed again, her eyes flashing scornfully.
“You don’t know Remus. What should we talk of, do you think? He is getting deaf too. I should throw a platter at him if I had to endure him alone. No, we eat in style when he is here. We use the hall which you noticed when you came—or perhaps you didn’t. All Remus’s relics of past wars—halberds, swords, armor—look at us while we eat; I at one end of the table—and by the grace of God—he at the other. Conversation is lively or dull depending on the guests. We often have people from the Court here—then it can be very amusing; but often it is dull country squires who talk endlessly of plowing their lands and salting their pigs until I feel I shall scream at them.”
“I am sure Lord Remus finds you a most accommodating spouse.”
“Well, at least I am providing him with a child.”
“And he considers that the price he has to pay is worthwhile? You are”—I looked at her searchingly—“quite pleasant to the eye even in your present state of discontent. And you have doubtless renewed his youth by proving that he is still not too old to beget children.”
She said quickly: “I said I was providing him with a child. I did not say it was of his begetting.”
“Oh, Kate,” I cried, “what do you mean?”
“There! I talk too much. But you don’t count. I just like to tell the truth to you, Damask.”
“So…you have deceived Remus. It is not his child. Then how can you pretend it is!”
“You have not yet learned much of men, Damask. It is easy to convince them that they have the power to do what they fancy themselves doing. Remus is so puffed up with pride at the thought of being a father that he is ready to forget it might have meant his playing the cuckold.”
“Kate, you are shameless as you ever were.”
“More so,” she mocked. “You surely cannot expect me to improve with experience.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“I am so glad,” said Kate with a grimace. “My indiscretion is forgotten.”
“And here you are about to undergo the greatest experience any woman can and you lie here puling about it.”
“For two whole months I have lived in solitude—save for the guests who have come here. I have had to endure the solicitude of Remus. I have had to behave like a woman who yearns for her child.”